Author's Note: I do not own the show or the characters. CBS, Jeff Davis and all the actors, producers, and writers deserve all the credit.
It's impossible not to see it.
He comes over and the whole look of her changes. It's as if she comes alive. There's a new look in her eyes. She glows. Her cheeks pink up and she licks her lips more. The latter might just be due to his own habit. I've never seen someone play with their lips so much. She looks at him like he's the only one in the room and he does it too. It's a lot more evident in his case, I'll admit that. I know that Morgan teases him about it, even if neither would ever admit it to me. She tries to hide it. She'll keep her eyes off of him, when she knows I'm watching her. It's just impossible to find it though. Not from me. Not from the person who wants her to so desperately have her look at him the way she looks at Spencer Reid.
The genius picks up his godson before he looked up at Jennifer. There's a look of pride in his eyes. He loves Henry as much as he loves her. There's a small conversation between them I can't hear, but a half smile appears on his face, a slight blush on his cheeks. She laughs and it makes me smile. That laugh. God, I love that laugh. She pushes at his shoulder, teasing. They're best friends, I tell myself. That's all they are. That's all they've ever been. Other than that damn yet years ago. They're just friends, I continue to tell myself. And yet, I see that look in his eyes when he looks at my son, a look of regret. I can read his thoughts: This should be my son.
I've been around her friends, how they tease Reid about his lack of social skills, his inability to flirt and 'get the girl.'He blushes and skirts around the issue. and yet, when he's in my home with my family, he's calm, collected, at ease with the woman I love. He sends her looks and small smiles. They talk about Henry and work, but their eyes hold something more. Something that I can't get out of her, although I have tried. I've given her everything of me. I tell her everything and I've said all the words right and yet, nothing. I've learned it doesn't matter what they talk about, as long as they're around each other, they both are relaxed, enjoying. Sometimes they are in there for hours, talking about God knows what. I have to make myself known, steal her away. Steal her away in our own home. How can I beat that?
I sometimes wonder if I should take myself out of the picture, let Spencer Reid take my place. But I know that he wouldn't. He's not one to admit what he feels, definitely with such pain on the line. He knows the statistics and the probabilities. He knows that such a beautiful, wonderful woman does not fall for a lanky nerd like him. And if she said no? He couldn't handle that. He'd rather keep what they have, than risk having nothing. And JJ? She's too proud to admit that she likes him. She wouldn't admit it to herself. He's just 'Spence', her 'little brother'. I want to roll my eyes every time she says it, because one, it sounds like she's trying to make herself believe it and two, you don't give your brother those looks. You don't touch your brother like that.
Henry's the other reason I don't leave. He's my son, my pride and my joy. I was the one who was there when he turned over, when he sat up, when he crawled. I witnessed everything and I love every moment I spend with him. I don't want my son to grow up without his father, or without his mother. JJ would never leave the BAU and knowing some stranger was watching my little boy for days on end? Not happening. I'll deal with the glances, the small touches. I'll deal with the fact that my girlfriend loves her co-worker than she does the father of her child because he's worth it. Because even though she doesn't love me, I love her. I love my family and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it together. Even if it hurts. And it does hurt, every time she touches his shoulder. Every time he smiles up at her with that look of love and she returns it. Every time, I hear his voice in the background when she's working a case. They're always together on cases. Always at each others side.
No one sees it. No one sees that she feels the same for him. No one knows that she'd give me up in a second if Spencer Reid would just make a move. No one knows but me. And I'll never tell.