A/N: All characters belong to Marvel.
This takes place after DAYS OF FUTURE PAST and is based on the scene in which Logan notices Jean after he woke up at the school and everything is changed.
I wrote it in way that it can either be a stand-alone or a CHANGES tie-in (taking place in the alternate reality between the last War chapter and the first Epilogue chapter).
As always: please leave a review and let me know what you think! Also non-members can leave one and I vaue your critique and opinion!
Spoilers for Days of Future Past!
Aftermath
Smoke rose from the burning tip of the cigar that Logan was smoking at the open window in his room. Charles didn't scold him this time. He guessed the Professor was well aware of the turmoil that was currently going on in Logan's head, so he let him smoke and drink booze while he stared at the dark sky and even darker garden. So much had changed compared to the time he remembered: the mansion destroyed, so many bodies scattered in the garden that lay in shambles, students, teachers and X-Men, friends slaughtered and left behind as the handful of survivors fled in a vain attempt and hope to make things right again. Now, as he overlooked the grounds and after he had seen everyone – really everyone – it seemed to have been a bad dream or happened in another life.
Logan blew the smoke into the air and stared at his cigar while he leant back against the open window. After he had walked down to the Professor's office he had spent hours talking to Charles and getting updated on the many changes since the 70's. Which, as he had learned, were a lot indeed! His mind was still mushy and felt completely overloaded after so much new information, but obviously everything had changed for the better. Even for him. After young Charles had located him he had sent Mystique, posing as Stryker, to rescue Logan from Lake Potomac and he had been brought to the mansion, where Charles and Beast had – after much resistance from Logan's skeptical and mistrustful younger version – managed to convince him of the whole time travel ordeal by using Charles telepathy and mind-reading abilities. Logan had stayed for a while, then, being his restless self, had gone off to who knows where. According to Charles, who had warned him about William Stryker, Logan had successfully managed to evade that son of a bitch for years, until he ended up at a bar in Canada where he had met Rogue. Sabretooth had, as expected, attacked them and Cyclops and his team had rescued them, so Logan had ended up at the mansion again, but thanks to his older, future self, Charles knew about the upcoming dangers and had, not as before, decided to not put a block in Jean's mind and to teach her instead how to control her enormous powers. She did not only survive Alkali Lake, she also rescued them all by putting a telekinetic cocoon around the dam and Stryker, who had attacked the mansion against the wishes of the president, had been arrested. So with Jean being very much alive none of Alcatraz had happened and Logan sighed heavily since he still remembered his claws cutting through her like butter. To him it felt like a dream and not like reality yet.
Speaking of claws, he looked at his left hand that was still holding the beer bottle and slowly extracted the bone claws. With Weapon X never happening to him, something he was very glad about, his skeleton was purely bone and he still wasn't used to it. He felt lighter but also much more vulnerable without the familiar metal in his body. He thought back at Japan and how Yashida had invited him in order to steal his healing factor. He had been warned by Charles though, who had seen what Yashida would do to him and had went to Japan with open eyes. Now he was back at the mansion, living among his friends and – God forbid – teaching history. The fact that his memories and feelings were still the same, since he, compared to everyone else, was still the old Logan, made some things harder than they were before.
He had just turned his head back towards the window as there was a careful knock on the door. He had long picked up on the scent before it had even left its own room and secretly, he had wished for the person to just walk past his room. Logan discarded the cigar and beer and went to open the door, his heart hammering in his chest even harder than the moment he had picked up on the scent.
"Hey," Jean greeted him and pushed a strand of her long, red hair behind her ear nervously. She had trouble looking into his eyes and Logan hoped he didn't look like a drooling fanboy right now. Seeing her alive and well was hard and confusing as hell. "May I come in?"
As if someone had slapped him he awoke from his trance and nodded sure. Stepping aside, he let her pass and beckoned for her to sit down on his bed that he had actually made for once.
Logan watched her taking in his room and he hoped she couldn't hear his heartbeat right now. Memories of them together, before the timeline had changed, rushed back and he closed his eyes for a moment. He had wanted nothing more to have her back. To see her smile. To smell her scent in the hallways.
"Logan?" she asked, concern in her voice.
"Hm?" he made and looked up, unable to hold her stare for long.
"Logan, what's wrong?" Jean asked and he shook his head no, indicating that everything was fine and there was no need to worry about him and his stupid memories. "Don't tell me no. Something is clearly bothering you. Since we ran into each other in the Professor's office you haven't been the same."
Even without looking at her he could tell she was looking at him with those green, tender-hearted eyes that made lying hard and looking back at her even harder. What was he supposed to say anyway? Oh, everything's fine now that you are alive again and I'm the only one remembering killing you after you went psycho on everyone else? Minus the fact that I still want you and you are back with Scott, of course. Yeah, right. Sounding desperate much, Logan? "I'm fine," he grunted and leant back against the wardrobe, leaving as much space between them as he could.
She remained silent for a while. "Look at me, Logan," Jean said but he was determined to avoid her gaze and keep her at distance. The old Jean would have accepted it but this Jean, the new and much stronger Jean that was in control of the Phoenix would have none of it. He heard her standing up and suddenly she was close, too close for his liking and touching his arm. "Why are you avoiding me so much? Did I do anything to upset you?"
Of course it was like her to think she did something wrong, while in fact so much was just too messed up for him to cope with it right now. "No," Logan said and stepped back to regain some space.
"Then what is it? I don't understand."
He could feel her eyes on him again and concentrated on the daishō he had brought back from Japan: the black katana hanging on the wall with the smaller wakizashi underneath it. The swords of a samurai as Yukio had told him.
"You looked at me as if you were completely surprised to see me. As if we hadn't seen each other in years," Jean said and was still waiting for a reaction. "I can tell you are lying, Logan, I just want to understand…"
He sighed and went over to the window, contemplating what to do and say. She wouldn't give up, he knew that. She also wouldn't accept a simple no and he didn't want to worry her further. He met her gaze briefly and she was clearly concerned for him. But how was he to explain this mess? "We…haven't seen each other for a long time, Jean," Logan said and saw a frown replacing the concern in her face. Before she could ask, he raised his hand and told her to wait. "I can't explain it. I really can't. Just read my mind if you must."
Jean looked at him, uncertain but finally closed the gap between them and went over to him. She looked into his warm, hazel eyes for a moment and finally raised her hands to place them next to his head; startling as he gently grabbed her wrists.
"It won't be pretty," Logan warned her and let go of her wrists, watching how she closed her eyes and he opened his mind for her to see the past she didn't know. Carefully, he watched her face changing from a frown to surprise and finally to shock. She let go of him with a gasp and made two steps back, her eyes wide in horror.
"What…"
"It's the past I remember," he said and began to tell her the short version of how Sentinels had killed mutants, then humans and how the world had been turned to a place that would shame the Matrix itself, before the Professor and Magneto had come up with the plan to change the past with Kitty's help and how he, Logan, had been the one to be send back. "I woke up this mornin', here, to this reality 'n I don't remember anythin' that happened here before. Charles briefed me but it doesn't help much yet." He sounded ridiculous in his own ears…
Jean made another step back and aimed for the door. "I…should go," she said and was gone before he could say anything else. She went aimlessly down the corridor and finally found herself standing in the green house where flowers and plants were blooming and gave off the feeling of a faraway country. The images were still fresh in her mind and her heart was racing in her chest. She touched her chest were she could feel invisible claws penetrating her skin and saw the look of pure agony in his eyes as he was forced to kill her. No, not her. The monster that she had been. A gasped escaped her as tears began to fall and she covered her mouth with a hand to stifle the sobs that escaped her. Images and waves of mixed feelings were washing over her. So much joy and sorrow, so much pain and destruction went hand in hand and now she understood why he had been so desperate to keep her at bay. He loved her, had accepted that she belonged to someone else, had then been forced to kill her before she had haunted him; a ghost from the past that was desperate to have him with her. His words, the ones he, the Logan of the here and now, had mentally spoken as she had reached the point where the monster within her had awoken and left a path of death and destruction behind rang in her ears: I rather see you alive and with him than knowin' you're gone forever.
"Jean?"
She startled and turned around just to find Ororo looking at her in surprise.
"What happened? Why are you crying?" her friend asked and hugged her back as she instinctively embraced her. "Did you have another fight with Scott?" Ororo asked but the redhead shook her head and made a step back to dry her tears. "Come. Sit." The weather goddess offered and pointed to a small suite to their far right. She led the way and sat down next to Jean, who was still biting her lip and staring at her hands. "What happened, Jean?" she asked once more and frowned as her friend gave a brief laugh and bitter smile.
"You wouldn't believe me when I told you…"
"Try me."
So Jean did and told her everything, starting at how odd Logan had been and how she had read his mind just to be shocked at everything she had seen. Now, she didn't know what to do and wondered what he thought about her running away. "He must think I'm stupid…"
"Oh, come on. He will understand," Ororo said and looked at her plants for a while. "This is weird… Knowing that none of this was supposed to have happened. That you would actually not be here, nor Scott or Charles."
"Yeah."
Ororo's eyes found Jean and she looked her up and down. "So what do you intend to do now?"
"I honestly don't know," Jean said.
"So he loves you."
"Yeah."
"What do you think?" Ororo asked and was looking at the redhead intently.
"It's…overwhelming. Everything is," Jean said and met her gaze briefly. "I don't know what to think."
Her friend nodded and sighed. "So how are things with Scott?" she asked in order to change the subject.
Jean kneaded her hands and shrugged. "Over, I guess."
That surprised her. "Seriously?"
Jean nodded. "We move into different directions. We have been for a while. And since the Phoenix he's afraid of my powers, of what I can do."
"You mean he's afraid that you are more powerful than the Professor and him," Ororo concluded and received a shrug. "So that's it?"
"We mutually decided it, so I guess so."
"You don't seem surprised though."
"To be honest I have seen it coming. We weren't the same anymore. He was keeping his distance and mostly spoke to me like I was just someone he happened to know," Jean said. "He's been cold. So better to end it now than drag on."
Ororo nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry. Really. You've been together for so long."
"And have been more friends than lovers for a good while," Jean added with a sad smile. "It's better this way." She looked at her watch and got up. "It's getting late. We should head back."
Together they left the green house and made their way back to the mansion, small solar lamps illuminating the garden here and there. Ororo noticed how Jean kept staring at a window in which a shadow sat and every now and then puffs of smoke could be seen. "What about Logan?" she asked, keeping her voice low even though she was sure he could hear them anyway.
Jean wanted to reply I don't know, but as she met his eyes she changed it into: "We'll see."
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