Written for GrayLu angst week 2017! This is a mess of prompts, and hope you guys enjoy! Sorry if Lucy seems a bit OOC here.
She'd always loved the stars.
They were a constant companion of hers, always there for her when she got lonely. She would gaze up and find her favourite constellations, tracing them out with a finger, smiling as she watched them twinkle.
But now she found it hard to look at them.
They no longer gave her peace. They gave her sorrow, because they reminded her of him. And that made her sad, yes, but more than anything it made her angry.
She'd never shared her love of stars with anyone the way she had with him. And he went and messed it all up. He'd manipulated her, cheated on her, and worst of all, he'd said he loved her.
She wiped away the tears that started to fall from her eyes as she looked out her window, the stars especially bright tonight. A sob ripped through her chest, unable to stop it now that it started. She was hurt—she had trusted him. Loved him. Opened herself up to him.
But no more.
Lucy rose from her window sill, almost numb as she gathered up her coat and bag, needing fresh air. She couldn't stay in her room. Couldn't be surrounded by a constant reminder of him—of them.
Slamming her door behind her, she walked to the nearby park, almost as if on autopilot. She didn't want to feel anymore. She didn't want to think. Briefly, she thought it was probably cold out, but she couldn't bring herself to care.
She sat down on the park bench, bringing her legs up to cross them, tilting her head to the sky.
How she longed to look at the stars and not feel the pain in her heart. The stars were the only thing left she had of her mother. And now she couldn't even have that.
She groaned, pulling at her hair as she sobbed, tears streaming down her face, stinging her cheeks from the cold. She wanted to scream, to let everything out and to try to find some peace.
So she did.
She screamed as loud as she could, the sound broken and harsh. And it felt, so, so good. She paused for a breath before screaming again, yelling at the stars as if they were to blame, and not her own stupidity. Her friends always told her she trusted too easily.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and she jumped, startled. She almost screamed again but out of fear this time, until she recognized the dark hair and sharp eyes of her friend.
"Gray?" She questioned, breathless and raspy. She wondered what he was doing out, seeing as it was almost midnight.
He looked worried, reasonably so, as he came around the bench and sat next to her, not saying a thing. He drew her into his arms, taking his hat off his head and putting it on her own.
"What are you doing out here Lucy?" He demanded, though not unkindly. "You're gonna get sick like this."
"So what? My life is already shit." She sniffed, from the cold and from the crying she had been doing for lord knows how long. "Might as well add being sick to the list."
He scoffed, tightening his hold slightly. "It might seem like shit right now," he began, speaking softly while rubbing his hand up and down her arm, trying to warm her. "But it'll get better. You're not at rock bottom. You've still got a good job, good friends. You've got me."
The tears came back and she angrily detached herself from him, pushing against his chest with angry hands and eyes. "You? What does that even matter? I wasted years on that fucker, and you think that I'll be happy because I've got a job and friends?" She knew she shouldn't have said it, and she knew it wasn't true, but she was angry. Angry with herself, with him, with the world. It wasn't fair.
Almost immediately after, she looked down and shame, covering her face with her hands, feeling the sadness of being lied to and used once again. "I'm sorry," she muttered, not looking at him. She couldn't see his expression, couldn't deal with the pain and hurt she knew was there. "I—I didn't mean..I'm sorry Gray."
"Lucy."
His tone was demanding, forcing her to look at him. And she saw ice. His eyes were cold, expression angry. "I know you're going through something hard—" and he knew all about it. Lucy had gone to him a few days after the break up, crying to him and telling him every little detail as he patiently listened. He was her best friend, and she always took him for granted. She was horrible. "—but that does not give you the right to say that. I don't deserve that, even if you say you're sorry."
And he didn't. She lowered her head again, unable to look at him any longer.
Her tears were still falling, but they were silent now, and there for a different reason altogether. She turned on her heel, walking back to her apartment without glancing back once.
She never would have left if she looked back.
Xxx
Three months.
It had been three months since that night with Gray. Three months since she lost her best friend.
He had tried calling and coming over even, but she ignored him. She was toxic and he didn't need her in his life. She didn't deserve him. He was too good. Eventually he stopped calling, stopped trying to come over, stopping asking her friends about her.
Three months since she had seen his face.
She missed his face.
The way he would grin when he would make a stupid pun, the way he only ever looked at her. She missed his eyes and the sharp blue-grey colour they were, and how she could see his thoughts oh so well when he didn't think she was paying attention.
She came to realize that she loved him. She probably always had, but she got caught up in other boys, in writing, in not wanting to see what was right in front of her.
So, when she saw him that night at a bar after three months, she froze. She could feel Levy shaking her, but she was staring him, unable to look away as he laughed at something Natsu said. She should have known she'd eventually run into him, but she thought she'd be more prepared for it.
Eventually his eyes turned and met hers, piercing her, a jolt running through her as his face morphed from shock to something unreadable, and before she knew it she was running. She ran out of the bar and into the alley, hunching over, hand on a wall with the other on her chest as she attempted to breathe, as she found that hard to do. She heaved, sobs escaping her, but her eyes stayed dry. She'd wasted enough tears.
A sudden pressure appeared on her back, rubbing soothing circles into it, and she immediately knew who it was, clenching her eyes shut. Of course he would come after her. Of course he would. He was a good, decent person, who would never do what she did. Would never block him out.
How could he even look at her?
The guilt ate at her, consuming her. She'd become her worst nightmare. She was no better than her good-for-nothing ex.
Go away.
He was making it worse by being so good to her. She couldn't imagine what he'd felt when she dropped him from her life. They were each other's rocks, there to ground each other when things got hard. And she fucked it up.
She pulled at her hair, straightening up, moving away from the hand. Her lip trembled, wanting to say something, anything, but afraid she would burst if she tried.
"Do you really hate me that much?" His voice was low, broken. Her heart shattered. She never hated him. How could she?
The dam burst and she couldn't stop herself, she spun around and launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and she finally let the tears fall. This was something she couldn't hold back.
And god, did she ever miss his smell.
She never knew how to describe it, only that it was sharp and chilling, like the first snowfall of winter. She breathed it in deep, her tears stopping, and her head clearing. It felt right, being close to him. She was so dumb. She never should have done what she did.
"L-Lucy?" Gray startled, arms slowly moving to hold her, unsure of what was happening.
"I could never hate you!" She cried, grip tightening on his shirt. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."
She knew that was a shit apology, she knew he deserved more, but she couldn't say it right now.
And he knew that.
"C'mon, let's get you home." He scooped his arm down, lifting her behind her knees with one arm, her mid back with his other. She wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself, catching his eyes with hers. She bit her lip, momentarily thinking that she probably looked like a mess with red rimmed eyes and mascara running down her cheeks, but she knew Gray didn't care.
"Thank you," she whispered, eyes never straying from his.
They quickly caught a cab, neither saying a word as they got closer and closer to her apartment. She stared out her window, trying to think of things to say, glancing at him every now and then. His fingers were tapping on his pants, a clear sign that he was nervous.
They finally got to her apartment, both getting out after Gray paid for the cab.
Always the gentleman.
It was tense and awkward, neither saying anything as they went up the steps of her building, not even when they arrived out front of her door. She looked up at him, expression pained and resentful.
"Umm," she bit her lip, catching his attention as he finally looked at her, eyes darting from lips back to her eyes quickly. "I-I really am sorry Gray. What I did was wrong and hurtful. You didn't deserve that."
He stared at her, eyes narrowed slightly as he processed what she said. He sighed, closing his eyes and dragging a hand through his hair. Slowly he opened his eyes, looking relieved yet resigned. "I know." He stated, eyes flicking back to her lips.
She let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, a smile gracing her lips as she reached around him and unlocked her door. "Want to come in?" It was a big deal. Three months. Three months since he last came into her apartment.
He looked at her, almost longingly, before shaking his head. "I better not. Night Lucy."
He left, just like that, as if they were strangers, and maybe they were.
Xxx
Call me ASAP. It's about Gray.
She knew it had been her own fault. She could've tried harder-to fix things. But she had been scared.
No. She had been terrified.
She tried to get him out of her mind, to rid herself of their late night conversations and shared laughter and heartache. She failed miserably though; his smile would appear in her mind whenever she thought she had finally erased him. At those moments she found herself pulling out her phone and helplessly calling him, only for it to go to voicemail.
'Gray, it's Lucy,' she laughed, dry and hollow. 'I just- are we okay? Can we talk? Call me.'
She couldn't count how many messages she left him.
With a heavy, petrified heart, she pressed call as soon as she could, feeling nauseous as she heard the words come from her pink haired friend.
"I'm so sorry we never told you earlier."
Jumping to her feet, she ran. She didn't even have time to process that she was running until her lungs burned and her legs ached, but she didn't care. She continued running and running and running, even when she thought she might collapse.
"But Gray he's in a coma."
She continued to run even as she reached the hospital doors, bursting through with tears streaming down her face, ignoring the shouts telling her to stop.
'Gray please,' she pleaded, fighting back tears, 'please call me. I miss you. I need you.'
"Gray Fullbuster." She wanted to scream, but she stayed as calm as she could as she reached the reception, even though she slammed her hands on the desk, scaring the poor old lady working.
"Uhm," she scrambled to find his name on her screen-though Lucy wouldn't have blamed her if she decided to call security on her. Before the poor women could find it Lucy heard a voice call her name, which caused a fresh wave of tears to take control of her body.
Natsu.
She turned and without a second thought ran to him, letting herself be enveloped in his arms.
"What happened?" She whispered, removing herself from him in slight embarrassment. She clutched her arm, hand clutching at the fabric on her sleeve to ground herself. She took a deep breath, eyes focusing on Natsu as he looked at her, guilt in his eyes.
Natsu sighed as he shoved his hands in his pockets, clearly stalling.
'Gray. Please. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. Just-just talk to me. Please.'
Lucy flinched.
"I'm sorry, Lucy." He started.
Please.
She held her breath, hoping against hope he wasn't going to say what she thought he was.
"We should have called you earlier." He looked away, running his hands through his hair as she stared him down, fear in her eyes. "We thought we could call you when he got better. When he woke up."
She sucked in a breath, closing her eyes. The ground felt unsteady.
"But-but it doesn't seem like he's gonna wake up. It's been three months."
Three months.
"Christ, Lucy I'm so sorry." He looked at her now, pain and guilt reflected in his eyes that she had seen in her own for the past year. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to prepare herself for what he was going to say.
She wasn't ready. She didn't think she would ever be.
She was crying. 'Gray, I love you.' Heavy sobs escaped her. 'I love you so fucking much. Please, Gray. Please just-something. Anything. I can't do this for much longer. I need my best friend back.'
"Why now?" It was barely a whisper, but Natsu heard it, and she knew he would.
She saw him slowly close his eyes, dragging a hand over his face as he stepped closer to her, resting his hands on her shoulder as he stared her square in the eyes.
"It's time. He wouldn't want this."
"No."
"They're going to take him off of life support."
"No." She ripped herself from him, glaring at him. "For fucks sakes Natsu, it's only been three months!" She yelled, angry rippling off of her as she clenched her fists and bit her tongue, trying to not punch the living daylights out of him.
How dare he?
"Where is he." It was a demand, not a request, and Natsu knew better than to go against Lucy when she was like this.
And, she supposed, he probably felt like shit for not calling her sooner.
"503."
'This is my last message, I swear,' she laughed, the sound airy as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand, 'I'll stop bothering you. I'm sorry for sounding so crazy. I suppose I am a little bit nuts.' She paused, trying to find the right words. 'I meant what I said. I love you. I probably always have, and I always will. But I don't deserve you- you deserve so much better. Goodbye, Gray.'
503.
She stood in front of the door, scared to go inside. She didn't know what she would do. How to react.
Because it was Gray.
But it wasn't.
He wouldn't be able to see her or hear her, to get angry with her or even forgive her.
Because now it made sense.
He hadn't ignored her, he was simply in a coma.
She slapped her forehead, cursing herself. Which was obviously worse.
She didn't even know how he got in a coma-she never asked Natsu. But at the moment, she didn't care. She just wanted him to wake up.
With a deep breath, she pushed the door open, lip wobbling as she saw his form laying in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines, the sickening sound reverberating within the walls.
Beep, beep, beep.
The room was eerily quiet, with just the constant sounds of the machines, causing an uneasy feeling to creep up her spine. She moved forward, sitting down on the chair next to the bed as she stared. His head had been shaved, she could easily tell.
Probably a car accident.
She reached out a shaking hand, resting it on top of his, careful of the wires.
I won't cry.
She refused to let the tears come. She had to be strong. This wasn't about her.
"Oh, god. Why did this have to happen to you?" She wiped some snot from her nose, paranoia creeping in.
Three months, Natsu said. Three months Gray had been in a coma, and three months since she had last seen him.
Beep, beep.
"Lucy." She looked up to see Natsu at the door, a look of determination on his face.
"I'm sorry."
She blinked, not expecting that. But then again, it was Natsu. She shouldn't have been surprised.
"You're right. He's tough. We, no, I, should have more faith in him."
She bit her lip to try and stop the tears. Of course, Natsu would be having a hard time with this. They were practically brothers.
"I just wanted to tell you that. If you need a drive home later, just come find me. I'll be in the lobby."
She nodded, although they both knew Lucy wasn't going anywhere.
"Thank you, Natsu."
Xxx
She woke up with a stiff neck and shoulders, her eyes blinked as she tried to remember where she was and why she wasn't in her comfortable bed.
Gray.
She straightened her back, arms thrown behind her head in a stretch as she glanced at her best friend who was still comatose.
Her arms fell back on the bed, hands grabbing one of his own. A small, sad smile appeared on her face as she looked at him, glancing briefly at the monitor. "This isn't exactly how I pictured our reunion, you know."
There was a pressure on her chest as the guilt came back in a wave, trying to overtake her. And it was succeeding. A tear fell from her eye.
And she let it fall.
"I figured there'd be some yelling," her voice wobbled, but she continued on, needing to talk to him, even if he couldn't hear her or respond. "Maybe some name calling. But mostly I figured you'd smile at me, tell me everything would be ok." She chewed her lip, tightening her grip on his hand. "Wishful thinking, huh?"
Sighing, she released his hand as her stomach rumbled. She couldn't remember the last time she ate.
On her way to the cafeteria, she bumped into Natsu who was holding two cups of coffee, the smell intoxicating. "Here," he handed one to her with a small, gentle smile. "Wanna talk?"
And Lucy found she did. She still didn't know what happened to Gray. The paranoia was still in the back of her mind. She needed to know.
"What happened?" They were seated in the lobby near his room, where it looked like Natsu had been camped out. He probably never left except for fresh clothes and to feed his cat.
"Car accident. Gray was taking a cab home one night, and a drunk driver hit them, running a red light." She could hear the anger in his voice, and she felt her own start to rise up.
Until the thoughts came back, replacing anger with fear. "When?"
He looked at her, gaze calculating and unsure, and suddenly it felt like a rock fell into her stomach, making her want to throw up. "Lucy…"
"Natsu. When."
Eyes narrowed, he leaned forward, resting a hand on her knee, gaze turning soft and apologetic. "The night at the bar."
Eyes closed, she let out a puff of air before standing up and gently placing the cup of coffee on a table. She thought she might have thanked Natsu, but she wasn't sure.
She turned on her heel and marched towards what she thought was the bathroom, but she couldn't tell with the tears that blurred her vision. She made it to a stall before she fell to her knees, hunching over the toilet as she gagged, world around her spinning.
She could have stopped it.
She should have made him stay and talk; figure things out. She should have made him stay the night since it was late and she knew he would have to cab home.
She screamed.
She should have. She should have but she didn't. And now he was in a coma. Because of her.
She heaved again and again, slamming her fists on the floor, anger and guilt and utter sadness erupted within her, consuming her.
"Fuck." She groaned, pushing herself away from the toilet, head banging against the wall. "Fuck." She fisted her hair, knees close to her chest as she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. She started to hiccup, eyes closing as she curled into herself, barely aware of her surroundings.
"I'm so fucking sorry."
She sat there for hours, crying until she had no tears and sleep took over her body.
She just wanted it to end.
Xxx
She woke up in a bed.
Groaning, she looked around and saw she was in Gray's room in the empty bed, Natsu asleep on a chair in the corner. She smiled, knowing it was him who found her and brought her here. Her tired eyes drifted to Gray's bed, smiling at how he lazily browsed through channels on the tv.
Wait.
"Gray?" Voice raspy, she shifted into a sitting position, shocked on her face, not daring to believe she wasn't dreaming. Head turning to her, he let a smile grace his features, hand patting the space beside him on his bed.
Slowly she got up and made her way over to him, not believe that he was here, that he was awake. She hesitated, opting to stand instead of sitting beside him. He frowned, and she felt bad, but she couldn't. Not yet.
"Hey Lucy." Soft and unsteady, his voice was all it took for her to collapse, tears falling as she wept, but finally, finally, it was from relief.
He was alive.
She felt his hand take hers, tugging slightly. Their eyes met, and for the first time in a long time, Lucy knew without a doubt, everything was going to be okay.