Because I Can
It was a beautiful day in Resembool or Rezinpool or Raisinberg or whatever the hell it's called.
It was really pretty. Like Winry. Winry's pretty. Ummm...Yeah.
(The author is too lazy and in too much pain to think of a good beginning. Don't pretend this has never happened before.)
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. So Winry got up and opened the door.
NOW the story starts.
Yeah.
"Hi, uh...Ed?"
Ed nodded. "Yeah."
"...Why are you...?" Her gaze moved to his/her chest, and she suddenly felt very lesbian.
Ed shrugged. "It's a feminine Ed fic...For some reason, I'm easier to make fun of as a girl."
"But...WHY are you a girl?!"
Ed shrugged again. "It's fanfiction. No one really cares enough to figure out why it happened, or how it's possible, or why it doesn't hurt like hell for me...It also somehow justifies Elricest to some people, even though if I had babies with Al, they would have a higher chance of being disfigured, which is why incest is illegal. But most fanfiction authors are uneducated and don't know that, so they make us have perfect, not-disfigured babies and name them after dead people."
Winry was completely silent.
In this silence, the author usually explains how Ed looks.
Let's not break this trend.
Ed is hot as a guy, so he must be hot as a girl, too. His chest is twice the size of Winry's, and Winry is jealous. She throws a wrench at her head. No, wait, actually, she doesn't, because...Uh...I don't know. It doesn't fit the mood.
Okay, moving on...
"I have to go to the bathroom," Ed said. She shoved past Winry and went inside. Al followed. He has his body back, for no reason that it relevant to the plot. He's just cuter that way.
"Oh," said Winry. "You have your body back." Because she didn't notice while talking to Ed. Of course.
"Yeah," said Al. "I do."
...
There was awkward silence.
"Okay," said Winry.
"Okay," said Al.
There was more awkward silence.
Then Ed screamed really, really loudly.
"OH MY GOD!" Winry shouted, because Ed screaming while in the bathroom was more important than Al. Al is a minor character. He doesn't matter.
Winry and Al ran to the bathroom, where Ed sat on the floor, hyperventilating.
"Holy...Shit...I'm...Bleeding..." Ed said, spazzing out.
"What?! Where?!" Al asked, freaking out because his darling Eddy-poo might be hurt, and they had planned to make babies later. CUZ ELRICEST IS HAWT, LOLZ!
"Between...My...Legs..."
Al froze. A very disturbing image popped into his head. He had seen male Ed without his pants on, but not female Ed.
Then Mird came in and laughed. "HAHAHAHAHA etc.!!!!" (Because four exclamation points are more exciting than just one!) "See what I have suffered, Edward Elric! The PAIN! THE STUPID FUCKING PAIN! NOW I'M GOING TO INFLICT ALL THAT PAIN ON YOU AND SIT UP IN THE CLOUDS AND WATCH AND LAUGH! AND- Oh, Al, you got your body back!" She fangirl squealed. "Come on, you come with me! Elricest is icky! You don't need him to be anything but you're brother!"
"Huh? Oh. Okay."
So Mird and Al sat in the clouds and ate popcorn and laughed.
Then Ed died of blood loss.
THE. END.