You know, usually I'm the kind of guy that just doesn't give a fuck. I love sex, hate relationships, and I'm a total bad ass. But when someone I care about is struggling, upset or is completely oblivious to what they feel, I'm also the kind of guy that feels the need to step in. My lesbro Santana, is completely blind to what she feels and my hot Jew partner in crime Rachel, is scared of being rejected. Both of the girls I care about are unhappy and this makes me very not happy. It's cool though, because for once in my life I've come up with a plan. I'm going to get these girls together. Oh by the way, my name's Puck, but you can just call me Cupid.
It was Monday evening when all of this came to me. But I'm going to take you back to Sunday afternoon first. I was laying around, kicking Finnessa's ass on Call of Duty via Xbox Live when I got a text from Rachel saying that she needed me. From the wording I already knew something was up. So I got dressed and headed straight to her house. As soon as I got to the door, it opened revealing Rachel with sad, puffy, red eyes and tears rolling down her face. I didn't say anything as I just walked in and pulled her into a hug. She just lets loose all that pain as soon as the hug connected.
"It's okay, I'm here. Shh," I said. After about 5 minutes of her sobbing, she finally calmed down enough to tell me about how much of a dick Finn is for braking up with her. Mind you I was just playing Call of Duty with that fucktard not even 15 minutes prior. I asked her if he said why he broke up with her and she said, "He thinks I have feelings for Santana."
Right after she said that her cheeks turned red and since I'm the king of lust, I know what a blush looks like. So I asked her if she did. At that point she let everything go and told me all about her feelings and how she tried to ignore them because she felt that she would be rejected if she tried otherwise. I didn't say anything and just sat there holding her.
The next day I was heading to Chemistry with Santana when my lovely little Jewish princess flew down the hall so fast that her skirt flew up.
"Fuck, I'm late! Get out of my way, degenerate!" She yelled at some unfortunate soul who got in her way. First off let me say that that was the first time I'd ever heard Rachel Berry use the F-bomb. Second, I looked over at Santana and noticed this look in her eye. I knew that look, I get it all the time when I see something hot in a skirt (well besides my lesbro and jewbro). It was the look of lust.
Miss Santana Lopez has the hots for one Rachel Berry.
I'd felt a smirk creeping up on my face and I couldn't resist the next comment which was "Quite the view, eh Lopez? I wouldn't mind getting up underneath all that argyle," now mind you, I'm not down with her like that. Rachel is like a little sister to me, but that was just said to mess with Santana. Let me tell you, it worked.
"Shut up Puckerman, before I rip that Mohawk off your head and beat you with it," she spat. The evil glare on her face told me everything and my smirk grew wider. By that time Santana dragged me into Chemistry by my elbow. Later that night I thought about Rachel and Santana's situation. One is scared; the other oblivious. Lil' Puck and I began thinking (no, not my dick; my brain, asshole) of a plan. Which brings us back here. Right now I'm over at my hot Jew's house. It's 5 am and I'm taking her to school. I knock on the door three times.
"Noah, what are you doing here?" Daddy Hiram asks looking tired.
"I hope you don't mind, but I was planning on taking Rachel to school today Mr. H, I know she and Finn broke up and that she could use a friend right now," I say as serious as possible. I love my jewbro but her dads scare me, especially Leroy. He steps aside and let's me through.
"Rachel is still asleep, but if you're hungry there's cereal in the pantry and almond milk in the fridge." off my look he says "Don't worry, it's vanilla flavored," Awesome sauce. With that he pulls his tie up and heads out the door.
I head to the couch with a bowl of cereal to watch TV for the next hour.
The time ticked by and before you know it I can hear the swirling sound of her elliptical machine. I run upstairs and knock on the little diva's door.
"I'm decent!" She yells, probably because she has one ear bud from her iPod in her ear.
I walk into the room and as I expected she's working out on her elliptical.
"Noah! What are you doing here?" She gets off her elliptical and moves to get her stuff to go take a shower. I stop her.
"Wha-,"
"Ah ah, dude leave what you're gonna wear today, to me. I got this shit."
"What are doing?!" She asks frantically as I put her argyle and plaid skirt back up. "This is uncalled for! I am perfectly able to dress myself, and furthermore-" I cut her off there.
"Berry, chill out. Remember the other day?"
"If you mean Sunday then of course I remember I told you about-" another interruption.
"One word answers only, dude." She sighs.
"Yes."
"I'm going to fix your problem, bro." She looks at me with soft eyes.
"Don't call me 'bro'."
I push her towards her bathroom as I go through her closet. I'm trying to channel my inner lesbian. Don't laugh, it's not as easy as you think. Yeah they may be like dudes in the sense that they like chicks, but at the same time they have vaginas... which means once a month they get really nasty. Combine that with the fact that most lesbians fight like men and it's about as bad as a man being a pissed off hormonal nutcase once a month which is really really bad.
Oh shit, I'm sorry. I'm rambling.
I find the perfect outfit for her and I still hear the shower going so I grab her eye mask and put it on as I take her outfit and put it in the bathroom. I come out (shut up) and pick out her make up. Surprised? Yes, not only does the Puckasaurus Sex knows how to get a girl in his bed, he knows how to help others get laid too.
She comes out of the bathroom and if it wasn't for the fact that she's like my little sister, I'd so bang her. I picked out a pair of dark blue skinny jeans with a violet v-cut long sleeve shirt where the sleeves went just a little past the wrists. Santana is going to cream her panties.
"Sit down, Squirt. I'm gonna make you pretty... er." She sits down facing away from the mirror and I sit facing her. A stroke here and a smudge there and as soon as you know it she looks hot as hell. I spin her around and her eyes are wide.
"Oh my God! Noah! You are a genius!"
"I live with two girls. What do you expect?" Plus my mom is a lesbian. After dad ran off and left her she met Marilyn and for a while she was purely happy. She's not out and refuses to come out because of how the Berry's have been treated which is what caused her and Marilyn to split. But for a while I lived with three girls... three very effeminate girls.
Her shock still shows as I'm trying to figure out what to do with her hair.
"If I didn't know any better, I would so totally say you were gay." I laugh at this because she made sure to emphasize the first part. I decided to put her hair up in a slicked back ponytail. Where the tail is all curly and a few strands are free out in the front. I take back what I said earlier. It won't be just Santana that creams her panties. Everybody will... I think this will even turn Quinn gay. I pull her up out of the vanity chair and rush her down to my truck, making sure she gets all her school stuff.
We're about half way there when she asks, "Do you really think Santana will like this?" She has an unsure look on her face.
"Rach, everybody is going to do triple takes." She smiles at that.
We pull in to the parking lot and pause before we get out and go inside. I turn to her.
"You ready?"
"I'm Rachel Barbara Berry, of course I'm ready."
"Awesome sauce."
We get out and head inside. Everyone is staring at her. The other gleeks have dropped jaws, the other football players are leering, and I think jewfro jizzed himself... twice. Even some Cheerios are making googley eyes at her, but not the right one. She hasn't showed up yet. I walk my jewbro to her locker where she gets bombarded with questions by the gleeks, specifically Kurtcedes.
"Oh my God! Rachel, you're gorgeous!" Kurt.
"Girl, I didn't even know you owned jeans!" Mercedes.
"Your hair is so pretty!" Tina.
"Who did your make up?" Kurt again.
Before she can answer their questions, the Unholy Trinity makes their way down the hallway with Quinn up front and Santana and Brittany flanking her left and right. They walk by her locker and Santana can't keep her eyes off her. So much that she bumps into Finnocence.
"Watch where you're going Pyramid Nipples, I'm not a chair."
"But you bumped into me."
"Did anyone say you can speak, Gigantor? Now be gone before I remove your gassy infant face and make a collage titled: What Not To Look Like." Reow! Kitty's got claws today. She shoulder checked him and caught up to the two blondes.
"Remind me not to be near her today." Kurt says.
The bell rings signalling the first class of the day. What is extremely convient is that me, Santana, and Rachel all share Mrs. Dunn's history class. I go to my seat in the back row while Rachel sits up front. Santana walks in and sits right next to me.
"Why does the midget look hot today?"
"So you think she's hot?"
"... Shut up."
She stays quiet through the rest of the class and she doesn't move her eyes away from Rachel. She's staring so much that she's drooling. Soooo not attractive Lopez. She turns to look at me.
"You know something." She narrows her eyes at me.
"Hmm? No not a thing." The bell rings. "Although I do know this; her and Finn did break up so you better go make your move on Berry before she goes to her next class, because Finn is in that class with her and I know he was eye fucking her earlier." Boy did that put a fire in her belly. She paces up to Rachel and talks to her for a minute. I can't hear them, but I know Lopez is asking her out. They walk out arm in arm and I walk out giving myself a pat on the back.
I walk out of the last class of the day seeing Rachel by my locker.
"What's up Jew hottie?" I ask entering in my combination to my locker. She looks up at me with the biggest grin I've ever seen on her.
"Santana asked me out! We're going to Breadstix and then to the old drive-in movie theater off Luker street."
"Awesome sauce!" I say giving her a hug.
"Thank you, Noah. This wouldn't have happened without you."
"No problem, us hot Jews have to stick together."
She walks away towards glee and I stand there for a moment to bask in my accomplishment. It's not everyday I do something right.
"That was a really nice thing that you did for Berry and S. They had so much sexual tension I thought I was going to strangle myself."
"Thanks, Baby Mama."
"Stop calling me that," she says calmly and then rears up and kisses me on the cheek. I smile a big grin.
"See ya around, Puck," she says walking backwards.
Hmm... maybe I need my own Cupid... Naaah! I got this shit. I'm Cupid remember?