I never knew. I was so confused; I have no clue that this was going to happen, it only took me over four weeks to notice. I put every one's life in danger, and even now I hear that ticking, the ticking of that clock, waiting, letting my seconds, minutes and even hours rot away. Sat there next to the bed, the only noises I let in my mind was the heart monitor and the clock, the ticking and the beeping blending together in a steady pattern; it won't slow down nor speed up just a slow and steady paste. Wanting to drown out the voice it screams, commands, cries and the voice was begging; that all it could do beg to be set free. The voice wouldn't leave I tried drowning it out with my headphones, but it found a way to crawl back. Well I should have seen it coming; the one's I care for get hurt, even if I tried to stop it from happening it still happens.
I am used to it now, the one's I love getting hurt but it still leaves a blistering pain in my chest, my heart. But who ever said that your life flashes before your eye when you die should be shot. Then maybe he/she see what it's really like, when you die there are only two things. The first is the sudden and terrifying realization that you are dying. The second thing is the final wish, as the person dies there's always one last thing they wish they could do before they pass on. Sometimes it's as simple as wanting to say goodbye to a loved one, but usually it's a wish full of pain and regret, it's a wish for a life lived better an angry word taken back or a promise kept. A wish that will never be granted, yeah death sucks every single time. But I experienced so many, I'm kinda numb to the whole thing now that's not to say I'm comfortable with it I'm just used to it after all experiencing death is the story of my life…