"Calling all cars, we've got another victim! The kidnapper's vehicle has veered off the road and crashed into a warehouse."

And I was dead. Just like that. One second, I lost control of the car. The next second, I felt a sickening smack, and then the next second I was fucking dead. The ache in my back, the slight sleep-deprivation headache, the nausea, it all disappeared. I saw the orphanage, I saw Near, I saw Roger, I saw the police force, I saw the explosion. Fuck, this was my life flashing in front of my eyes, and it was all full of failure. I failed at having a childhood, I failed at beating Near, I failed at blowing those bastards up.

And then I saw Matt. I saw him sitting in the chair opposite mine, staring at his hands, just waiting for me to be ready to talk. But that day, I never did talk to him. Well, what did he expect from me? I lied at my very first confession. I think the only truths I ever spoke were to him.

"Matt!"
I screamed as loud as I could. What's the worst that could happen? My throat could rupture, and what, I'd die again? My love has become an affliction, and I screamed my affliction over and over again, just daring my voice to give out.

"Matt! I fucking love you. Wait for me, Matt!"

The way I was screaming, you'd think I'd been saving every breath I ever inhaled in my life for this. This is what my life all points to in the end. This has been building since I have been breathing, and I know how it's going to end. He won't wait for me. He'll be long gone. It was, what, half an hour between our deaths? Fuck, I don't know.

Come to think of it, I don't know anything. I don't know where Matt is. I don't know where that Takada chick has pissed off to. I never even knew when Matt and I 'got together'. When we became romantically involved. Fell in love. Started screwing eachother. It was just always there, I always had Matt. I remember one day, we were talking about it, and I told him that I'd understand if he left me. Even I can barely live with myself; I don't know how he managed it. I'm fucking insane. I took his hands in mine and I swore to him that I would let him down.

And I guess I kept my word when I swore that I would let him down. And now they'll scatter my ashes where they won't be found, everybody will move on, they'll solve the Kira case, and I'll be forgotten.

"I waited for you. Thankyou for dying so soon after me."

I didn't have to turn around, I knew it was Matt. I couldn't have turned around if I had needed to from all the god damn crying I was doing. It was Matt. It was fucking Matt. He's here with me. We're together.

"Calm the fuck down. We're together, Mello. No Near. No Kira. Mello, did you honestly think I wouldn't wait for you? You're a moron. Where the fuck would I go without you?"

He leaned his chest on my back and draped his arms over my shoulders. With nobody here to see me cry, I twisted my body around and clung to his waist pathetically. This was all very out of character and pathetic, but then again, so is being dead.

With my face in his vest, I thought about what he'd said for a second. No Near. No Kira. The worst thing that could happen would be that I'd die again and just cease to exist. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. I was finally free.

I don't have an ounce of good left in me now.