It's James' turn
It was a hot day in Sodor High. It was so hot that Fatty went to school with a tank top and his armpit hair was so hairy you could braid it. The air was as dry as Edward's sense of humor. In class, all the students were complaining about the heat. Emily was snuggled next to Thomas who was feeling a little nervous. Especially since her breasts had gotten bigger since they last met. James was taking a dump when Furry… I mean Fatty was telling them good news.
Fatty: First of all, the new school pool will be built so everyone can cool off/pee freely.
Students: YAY!
Gordon: Pee freely?
Henry: I. P. Freely!
GH: *Laughing.
Fatty: That's enough you! And also, a new student is coming. She will be here soon.
All the dudes were excited. Not only would there be a hot new chick, but the pool would be full of hot chicks in bikinis.
Fatty: Now everyone, this is Molly Wood and her brother Murdoch.
Percy: Mollywood? Isn't that a theme park?
Thomas: Percy, what are you talking about?
Percy: You know, that lady w/the big…
Diesel: That's Dollywood you twit!
Molly and Murdoch entered. Murdoch was wearing an orange shirt that said "Security" on it. Molly was wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with red and white trims and a matching skirt. Her chest was about the size of Emily's. The guys started whistling at Molly, and Murdoch glared at them.
Murdoch: If any of you perverts even think about bothering my little sister, you'll have to answer to me!
Murdoch breaks a board with his face. All the guys gasp.
Molly: Hmm…maybe that's why I've never had a boyfriend.
Murdoch: Hey. I'm just looking out for my little sissy.
Fatty: Anyway, the pool will be ready soon. So everyone please be on your best behavior.
Molly sat next to Emily and the two started chatting.
Emily: So, wanna be friends?
Molly: Sure.
Emily: Don't take this personally, but your brother is nuts.
Molly: He means well.
Later, James had finally gotten out of the toilet and was walking down to his locker.
James: (Singing to himself) Keep knocking on heaven's door… *Sees Molly. HOLY CRAP!
Just then Gordon and Henry came by.
Gordon: I see you've met the new eye candy.
Henry: Mmm…candy. Come on Gordon, that vending machine's talking to me.
Gordon: Again?
Gordon & Henry leave to go satisfy their cravings. Meanwhile, James decided to introduce himself. He came up to Molly and leaned on a locker.
James: Well hello gorgeous!
Molly: Um, hi. I'm Molly.
James: I'm James. I'm sure you've heard of me.
Molly: Wait. Weren't you in that one car commercial on TV?
James: You saw that?
Molly: Yeah! It was so cool!
James felt happy. Someone actually thought he was cool. And this person was a chick!
James: So, you want to go with me to the ice cream place after school?
Molly: Sure. Sounds like fun.
James: Cool. See ya later.
And James went off to join his candy-craving chums. Murdoch had overheard the whole thing. He didn't trust James.
Murdoch: So Molly, I heard you talking to that turd face James.
Molly: So? Him and me are going out after school.
Murdoch: Not so fast! I will not let you date this guy until I get some info on him.
So Murdoch went around the school asking every female he could find (which wasn't very difficult since there weren't many females). First, he asked Mavis who was looking for Toby again.
Murdoch: Hey you! Crazy girl.
Mavis: Yo. Have you seen my Toby-Muffin around?
Murdoch: Toby-Muffin? You're crazier then they say you are.
Mavis: Why thank you.
Murdoch: Okay then. Now what do you know about some crap for brains named James?
Mavis: Well for one thing, he's a big pervert.
Murdoch wrote it down in his notebook.
Murdoch: Keep going.
Mavis: One time I was at my locker, then next thing I know something's lifting up the back of my skirt. So I looked down and saw James down there looking up my skirt like he was having the time of his life. So I whipped out my crowbar and beat the crap out of him. He wasn't at school for a whole week.
Murdoch: Thank you for your time.
Mavis: No prob. Now then… Oh there you are Toby-Muffin!
Toby: Ah crap! Runaway!
Mavis: Come back my Toby-Muffin!
Murdoch just stood there and shook his head. Next, Murdoch saw Daisy. Daisy was putting on make-up in her locker mirror.
Daisy: So, looking for a good time?
Murdoch: Not with you. I'm looking for information about a guy named James. What do you got?
Daisy: Well, he's a weird guy. I overheard him, Gordon, and Henry in the bathroom saying something about drinking with families and friends.
Murdoch: *Writes in notebook. Thank you for the info.
Daisy: No prob. Now I have to get ready for my date with Percy.
Murdoch: (to himself) I bet that chest of hers is fake.
Daisy: I HEARD THAT AND IT'S NOT TRUE!
Finally Murdoch went to see Emily. Emily was at her locker having troubles with her shirt.
Emily: *Muttering. Stupid breasts. I swear these things are getting bigger every moment.
Murdoch: Hey.
Emily: *Turns around sharply. If you're here to get a peek at my melons, be warned. I KNOW KUNG-FU!
Murdoch: Relax. I'm not one of those guys.
Emily: Sweet relief. So what do you want?
Murdoch: I need some info on a dork named James.
Emily: Well he's stuck on himself. One time I heard him in the bathroom acting like he was kissing his reflection going "Oh James you handsome devil. You're going to STRIKE OUT TONIGHT!"
Murdoch: *writes in notebook. That's all I need to know. Thank you for your time.
Emily: No prob. *Button on her shirt pops. Not again!
Murdoch went back to Molly.
Molly: Well?
Murdoch: I have found some complaints about this James guy. *Reads long list of notes. Not only can you not date him, I even forbid you to be in the same room with him!
Molly: I'm going to get ready for my date James.
Murdoch: Didn't you hear a word I said?
Molly: Yeah I heard. And I don't care. I'm going with him and that's final!
Murdoch: Over HIS dead body!
James: Hey!
Molly: Murdoch, go away!
Molly walked off with James. But not before Murdoch had a little talk with him.
Murdoch: Now listen puke-face. If my baby sister comes home and is crying and it has something to do with you, I WILL kill you. Got it?
James: *Scared. Yes sir.
Murdoch: Good.
So James and Molly went to the Ice Cream Place after school. Coach Joey was there.
Joey: Well well well James. Looks like you finally got yourself a girl.
James: What are you doing here coach?
Joey: Oh I'm filling in for the other guy.
James: Cool. So what's the special?
Joey: Well, today's special is Mount Chocolate Surprise. It's a big chocolate sundae shaped like a volcano, with strawberry sauce for the lava, some chunks of cookies, and some other yummy goodness.
Molly: Yum. Sounds delicious! We'll get 2.
Joey: Okay that's 2 Mount Chocolate Surprises. Do you want any almonds with it?
James/Molly: No. I'm allergic. *To each other. You're allergic to almonds? Cool!
Joey: And here's your order. Thank you and have a good day. Now I must go get Sparky's head out of the freezer. *To Sparky. No no puppy. There's no ice cream bone in there for you. *Sees Percy go by. But there's a nice bonehead over there with your name on it.
Sparky: *Barks.
Percy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Nice doggy. Runaway!
Just then Mavis came in with Toby.
Mavis: Yo Joey!
Joey: Oh great. You again. What do you want?
Mavis: Get my Toby-Muffin and me some chocolate sundaes and a chocolate shake. *looks at Toby. With 2 straws.
Toby: Just kill me now.
Diesel: Don't mind if I do! *Pulls out shotgun.
Mavis: Diesel, be nice to my Toby-Muffin!
Diesel: I don't want to.
Mavis: Too bad!
Diesel left. But not before dumping his beer down Toby's pants.
Toby: Hey! These are my good pants! Who am I kidding? They're my ONLY pants.
Molly: *Creeped out. Why do you only have one pair of pants?
Toby: Cause I'm too cheap to buy more. Besides, these are my lucky pants.
James: Who cares?
Joey: Here's all your crap. Now go eat this stuff before it melts into a big flood and destroys all of humanity.
Diesel: AWESOME!!!!
James and Molly sat down and ate their yummy treats. Mavis and Toby were also eating their stuff. That is until Mavis thought it would be funny to fling some of her ice cream at Toby. And before long, Toby and Mavis were having an ice cream fight. James and Molly just sat there and ate. Then some random pervert came up by Molly.
Pervert: Hey sweet thing, how about you and me go to my house and get it on?
Molly: I'm with this guy. *Points at James.
James: Yeah!
Pervert: Lose the Zero. Get with the Hero hot stuff.
Molly: Look, I already have a date. Now GET LOST!
Pervert: Your mouth says, "Get lost". But your eyes say, "Get busy".
James had enough.
James: Hey coach Joey, do you have a marker I can borrow?
Joey: Sure. I was going to make a "Kick Me. I'm A Moron" sign for Percy later. But you can use it.
James: Thanks. *Starts writing on his hand as pervert tries to see what he's doing.
Pervert: So what are you doing?
James: Just tricking out my fist.
Pervert: What are you writing?
James: Hold on a minute. All done. *Shows the word "DELETED" spelled backwards on his fist.
Pervert: Uh, what does that spell?
James: How about a closer look?
And without warning, James lunged forward and punched the pervert as hard as he could with his drawn fist. The pervert fell down and slammed into the wall. On his face was the word "DELETED".
Pervert: Ow!
And he left.
Molly: That was HOT!
James: Thanks. Wanna go make out?
Molly: Sure.
So James and Molly were making out in the parking lot when they heard some movement in the bushes. They looked and saw Percy and Daisy making out.
Daisy: Do you perverts mind?
Percy: Yeah! Can't I get enough time to make out with a hot chick? Beat it!
James: Right. This coming from the guy who keeps looking up girls' skirts.
Percy: Shut up!
Next day, James came into school. Murdoch was there.
James: *In his head. Uh oh. It's him again. Just keep going James. Keep going.
Murdoch: Hey you!
James: Crap!
Murdoch: Look. Molly told me about you beating up that pervert. I must say that was cool. I never met one guy that would stick up for my little sissy. You live… for now.
James: Uh, thanks.
Murdoch: Now this pervert and me need to have a little talk.
Murdoch dragged the pervert from the other night and went down to the ice cream shop.
Murdoch: Hey coach, open the freezer.
Joey: Okay. Just don't eat the ice cre… wait. Why do I care? This isn't even MY shop.
So coach Joey opened the freezer and Murdoch went in and beat up the pervert.
Murdoch: And don't ever go near my sister again!
And he left. As for Percy, he ticked off Sparky again and is now being chased around the school by him.