Disclaimer: "Goth Talk" and its characters are the property of NBC. I own nothing. Except for Alastair. He's mine.

"Goth Talk"

A Very Special Episode

Featuring:

Circe Nightshade, aka Stephanie Belmont

Azrael Abyss, Prince of Sorrow aka Todd Henderson

Hezabiah of the Dusk, aka Helen Cruz

Baron Nocturna, aka Gordon "Gordy" Polanski

Alastair Romani (vampyr)

Mr. and Mrs. Henderson

Random vampires

Random bullies

Plot:

Azrael's childish antics and irresponsibility are beginning to strain his friendship with Circe. It is enough to make her quit the show. Forlorn, Azrael cancels "Goth Talk". The two refuse to talk to one another. Meanwhile, a new goth named Alastair arrives at Suncoast High School. Pale, handsome, and sophisticated, he quickly catches the eyes of every girl, including Circe. Desperate to clear her "tainted" reputation, Circe befriends the charming guy, only to fall head over heels for him. Meanwhile, jealousy drives Azrael insane. With a little snooping, he, Baron Nocturna, and Hezabiah of the Dusk discover Alastair's true identity: he's a vampyr! Will this shocking secret be enough to bring Mistress Nightshade and the Prince of Sorrow back together? Or will it come too late?

Setting:

- April, 1997.

-Azrael's parent's house, attic

-stacked cardboard boxes and junk are in the background, including a rocking horse and a moth-eaten couch. The roof is slanted; a window can be seen to the viewer's left. Most of the show's props are visible (candles, fake skulls, lattice folding screen). Azrael sits on the left, Circe on the right. Both are seated on a stripped bed with a mattress covered by a purple blanket.

Circe: I'm Circe Nightshade.

Azrael: And I'm Azrael Abyss, Prince of Sorrow.

Circe: Welcome to a very special episode of "Goth Talk."

Azrael: (claps hands) Very special indeed! Eeee!

Circe: As you may have noticed, our most sinister lair has changed locations due to a little …mishap in the garage. Apparently, Azrael's grandmother forgot to open the door before she peeled out onto the streets. Fortunately, no one was hurt. Except the door, I guess.

Azrael: Oooh, how tragic! Though, technically, she wasn't supposed to be driving. After all, she got her license revoked two months ago for running over her neighbor's beloved dog. Poor, poor Fluffy…

Circe: A grim reminder of the fragility of life, human or not. Anyway, tonight, we'd like to bring to you, from the dreary depths of Azrael's parent's attic, a review of the most heart-wrenching, despairing, mournful band ever to grace the shores of Tampa Bay.

Both: Los Gatos Negros!

Azrael: Rawr (hisses)! (a blank look at Circe) What does it mean?

Circe: (confused) Um, wait, let me think for a sec…I'm taking Spanish this year, and "gatos" sounds really familiar.

Azrael: (surprised) You're taking Spanish for the second time?

Circe: (irritated) Shut up! I'm trying to think.

Azrael: (taunting) Oooh, somebody's tense!

Circe: I'm not tense! Besides, it's not like you're a walking Spanish-English dictionary yourself, "Todd," remember?

Azrael: (look of shock, then irritation): So? I managed to score eight points higher than you, "Steffy," so there! (huffs and crosses arms)

Circe: (angry, pushes Azrael) Shut your mouth! (pause) Hey, I think I've figured it out.

Azrael: (sarcastic) Well? The world awaits your brilliance.

Circe: Bite me. "Gatos" means cats, and "negro" is black. So together they mean…

Both: The Black Cats!

Azrael: Oh, how delightful! A band whose name belongs to the revered predator of the night, assistant to witches and warlocks. I think.

Circe: (rolls eyes) So, yes. The Black Cats. Consisting of four members, they produce dark and mysterious tunes which can make the most disgustingly happy of mortals weep and abandon all hope.

Azrael: Their song "Devil's Lament" makes my mascara run every time.

Circe: There you have it. A testimony to the horrific power of The Black Cats.

Azrael: Actually, all of their songs are really sad. They're so sad I tossed out that one album I owned.

Circe: What? Which one?

Azrael: "Death by Dove."

Circe: (angry, shoves Azrael) Azrael, you dope! That was mine! I loaned it to you! (scoffs)

Azrael: Sorry! I'll just buy you a new one.

Circe: (exasperated) But that copy was signed! To me! On my fifthteenth birthday!

Azrael: (moves away from Circe) Oh, dear…

Circe: Whatever! Sorry for that digression. Now, our most coveted viewers, we would like to share clips of the hair-pulling despair that is The Black Cats. For last weekend, Azrael and I attended one of their concerts. No camera can truly capture their overwhelming darkness.

Azrael: Oooh-weee!

Circe: Before we begin, let it be made known that what you are about to see is not for the faint of heart. So beware!! Azrael, the tape, please (outreaches hand).

Azrael: (hesitant) Um, are you sure? Because, erm, the footage isn't exactly "perfect," per se.

Circe: What do you mean?

Azrael: (nervous, fidgets) Well, what I mean is that I didn't have any time to edit the film, because I had to work overtime at Cinnabuns all this week, and…

Circe: (snatches tape) Arghhh! Why didn't you call me?

Azrael: I did! Ten times! No one picked up!

Circe: (frustrated, stands) Fine! You know what, I think we should stop recording.

Azrael: (panics) No, wait! It's alright! The tape's fine! (grabs tape and pulls)

Circe: (turns around) No, it's not. You said so yourself. Or are you lying?

Azrael: (silent)…Maybe.

Circe: (sighs, pulls tape) Doesn't matter. Give me the tape.

Azrael: No!

Circe: (pleading tone) Come on, Todd! Let go!

Azrael: (yanks the tape) No!

Circe: (yanks back) God, you're so fucking immature!

Azrael: (shocked, lets it go) What? No I'm not!

Circe: (angry) Yes, you are. You're always making those stupid cat noises, you sound like a demented hyena on helium, you never stand up for yourself, and you're the least gothic person I know. I'm sick of hanging out with you and Gordy. You guys never do anything fun except for sit around and talk about how dark and dreary life is! Damnit! I quit! When Monday comes, I don't know you. (storms out)

Azrael: (silent) Fine then! "Goth Talk" can go on with or without you! See if I care! (stands and turns off camera).

Is it the end of "Goth Talk?" Will Stephanie pass Spanish this year? Stay tuned to find out. Until next time, stay out of the daylight!