Forks : A Twilight Parody

This story was made by the all amazing Vinessa with her supreme mind and some fresh bacon.

(RATED K+)

Chapter One: A Day In The Life Of Forks? BAHAMA MERMAIDS! :]

There once was a girl named Bella. She was butt ugly. No wonder why she was forced out of Phoenix! All she could take with her was her pointy little green cactus. But not any pointy little green cactus - well actually yes, it was only a pointy little green cactus. There was another reason for her being kicked out of Arizona- She couldn't afford her therapy bills. She was in therapy for about two years. I would tell you why, but it might scare you a bit--OH WHAT THE HECK! She was in therapy because her mommy was obsessed with mermaids, that's right, MERMAIDS! And, that is why her mother and father are divorced.

Anyways, there she was, waving to her mother and Phil as she was getting ready to board the plane. She was trembling, as she looked down at the shirt her mother bought for her, with mermaids on it. She boarded the plane, tripping on the stairs.

Phil started laughing, "BAHAMA! YOU KLUTZ!"

Renee just stared at him. She thought he was weird, what about those flippin' mermaids!?

She soon arrived in Forks, Washington, where she was supposed to be staying with her dad Charlie.

I thought about why Forks was called Forks. Why not spoons! Psh Posh.

(Bella's POV!)

"Hello my butt-ugly daughter!" Said Charlie, as he waved and shivered at the sight of the mermaids.

"Oh hello!" I said, not noticing how scared he was of the mermaids on my shirt.

I went to hug him, and he hesitated, staring at the mermaids. I slapped him, and he regained his thoughts. He hugged me, and then realized the mermaids were touching him, and he ran screaming like a little school girl. I walked into the house and looked around for him.

"READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!" I yelled. I searched around and then gave up and decided to go up to my room. I found him in the corner, his arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth, side to side. "GET UP YOU LAZY BUM OF A FATHER! PAY SOME ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS WILL YOU?!"

"Your kids?" He asked. "I only have one kid, retard." I responded "NU UH!" as I pointed to the other bed in my room. My little sister, Jackelyn, was sitting there playing with her dolls. "I don't see anything." Turns out it was all in my imagination...my bad.

I then walked over to him and stuck my head into his face. "MY HAIR SMELLS LIKE ORANGES! OH WAIT! STRAWBERRIES! BAH AH!"

He got up and walked out. "Oh by the way, welcome home kiddo!" He said, walking out the door.

I unpacked and noticed all my clothes were extremely ugly. I mumbled under my breathe "Stupid mermaids...".

"Come hither, Bella!" Said Charlie.

I shrugged and ran down the stairs, tripping multiple times, landing flat on my face.

He jumped up and down, seeming like he was excited for no reason at all. "Guess what!? I GOT YOU AN ULTRA COOLIE MERCEDES AND ITS AWESOME!!!"

"WHAT!? OH MY FLAMINGOS!!! YOUR KIDDING! SHUT UP! OMG! AAAAH!"

"Stupid ugly klutz of a daughter say what?"

"Wait, what?"

"HA HA I GOT YOU STUPID!"

"Ha ha you thought I got you an ultra coolio mercedes, but I just got you an peice of crap truck from Billy!"

"Who's Billy?"

He gasped, " I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!"

And he ran crying.

I stared for a moment, and then I pushed him down and walked outside to see my new car. I hopped in and started it up, listening to the awesome Vroom-Broom noise it made. I jumped for joy. I finally found something that seemed more retarded than me. "Oh wow, you really think I'm more retarded?" said a voice coming out of no where. "Um yes?" I said. "TRICK QUESTION!".