Title: Soldier Legends
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Soldier 4-some
Rating: Cute. No, really!
Summary: The myths and legends about Soldiers have to arise from somewhere…
"Now listen up, you little bastards!" the drill sergeant roared at the new line-up of rookies – the usual, soft looking and frightened bunch that it was his sorry duty to try to whip into some sort of shape. "This ain't a summer camp and I ain't your mom! Being in the ShinRa army is no God damned vacation! You are here to learn to obey, and obey you will, get it? Any order at all, even if it means crawling through the mud or sucking the dick of one of those fancy First Class Generals." He was pleased to see the jolt of fear go through the youngsters. "What, you don't think that could happen? Well, if not, it's just because you ain't pretty enough and a few months of my training will make sure you ain't cute enough to be used over some table by a horny mako-freak…"
Maybe if the sergeant hadn't been enjoying himself so much he'd notice how the rookies round eyes and terrified attention was no longer directed at him but at a point just behind him.
"I'm telling you, you go wandering outside the rookies section and I take no responsibility for what might happen to your virgin asses – and it's not as if director Lazard will hesitate to sacrifice your worthless hides if you threaten to go public. What you think the Turks are for? And what more is…"
Some sort of instinct must have alerted the man to the deadly peril he was actually in. He spun around - only to come face to face with three highly pissed First Class Soldiers and a grinning Zack Fair.
The sergeant yelped rather unmanly, but there were nowhere to run.
"Oh, do go on." Genesis drawled with ice-cold sarcasm. "I do love hearing about how I rape innocent cadets." He leaned so close as to almost touch the drill sergeant's nose. "Tell me honestly, with a face like this, do you really think I need to *rape*anyone to get laid?"
"Genesis, your hurt pride is barely the issue here." Angeal grabbed his friend by the shoulder. "This man is implying that the entire ShinRa cooperation is nothing but a cover up for male prostitution!"
"Well, that is bad as well, I guess…" Genesis sulked.
"I think," Sephiroth's stare could most certainly humble stronger men than the drill sergeant he was fixating now, "that you'd better go apply for a transition to the most rural and far off section within ShinRa jurisdiction. Tell your superiors that I think you'd get a wonderful career in emptying latrines there."
"Now!" Angeal commanded even as Genesis reached for his sword.
The three fuming First Class Soldiers and the sniggering soon-to-be watched the man run over the training field like a headless chocobo. Then they turned back to the cadets, who looked back at them with slack-jawed terror.
"So this is where all the silly rumors have come from." Sephiroth huffed. "We'd better do something about it, I suppose."
"Zack, could you please talk to them and tell them what nonsense all this is?" Angeal sighed.
Zack smiled and nodded as he moved over to the expectant, still nervous rookies.
"Good choice," Genesis muttered. "Everyone knows Zack and everyone likes him. He'll set things straight."
"Alright people, listen up." Zack addressed the rookies who tried to listen without shuffling their feet. "I know there's all kinds of stupid rumors going around about Soldiers, but trust me, no one is going to jump you and rape you in the locker rooms or showers. It's just one of those things they tell rookies to scare them. Take my word for it. Soldier is about honor and dreams."
There was a general sigh of relief and the colour returned to some faces in the line.
"He's good." Sephiroth nodded approving. "That ought to calm them down."
"Yes, I knew he'd make a good First Class one day, just as soon as he gets his head together." Angeal said proudly.
"No, there's no need for you to worry." Zack grinned. "In fact Angeal is almost painfully gentle and he'll be running around your dormitory with flowers and stuff before he even dares to ask you out…"
"Puppy!" Angeal screamed aghast.
The rookies looked green-faced.
"And GenGen is all for the old-fashioned wine and dine before a 69…"
"Zack!" Genesis face suddenly matched his hair.
One or two of the rookies looked like they'd faint.
"….and Sephiroth really likes to cuddle for hours afterwards…"
"Zackary Fair!"