I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Last Resort ~ Papa Roach

People always say that love is blind. I, being the pessimistic person I am, believe that love has 20/20 vision. Think about it. If you were to fall in love with someone what are the odds of them being....repulsive? What are the odds that you would even give them a second glance? Would you even notice them? I, Isabella Swan, am certain that love is a choice. Or at least that's what I thought.

My life was normal. I had friends and a family. I went to football games and to parties almost every weekend. I wasn't perfect and I lived with that but I couldn't help but think 'Life could be better than this'. I was naive. I was too trusting and let my heart get in the way of what my mind would always tell me to do. My name is Isabella Swan and this is my explaination. My...13 Reasons Why, if you will. No, I didn't commit suicide. I did something much worse. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let's talk about Renee. My mother. The woman who had brought me into this world. She was....well...Renee. Controlling and obsessive. She dabbled in everything from painting to skating, from skating to martial arts, from martial arts to skydiving, but couldn't even manage to take care of herself. I'm had been living with her becuase I couldn't take the dark and gloomy weather of Forks, Washington. That place tears out your soul faster than Bloody Mary.

How I wished Bloody Mary would take me away from all my problems. But that would just be too easy.

Everyone has some sort of interation with death in their lifetime no matter what. A child must bury a parent and in some cases a parent must bury a child. I witnessed death and I can't take back the mistakes I've made to make it right.

I never thought I'd feel this way when she was gone. So depressed and helpless. I never thought that I'd be alone. Alone in the world. Renee died when I turned seventeen leaving me to my father, Charlie, for the remaining year of my adolescence. I'm moving to Forks to stay with him. Hence the start of the end of my life.

As my plane that would take me away from the sunny rays of Pheonix and bring me to the rainy days of Forks took flight, I took one last look out of the window at everything that I had once called home. Realising that this place isn't home unless I have a reason to be here or someone to be here with, I turned away, put on my headphones, and drowned out the world around me. I wouldn't be remembered. I wouldn't be missed.

"Please remain seated. We will be landing shortly. Thank you for flying Phoenix Airlines."

The voice of the pilot woke me from my daze and I looked out the window to discover that my scenery had changed. And so had my life. This place of darkness and grey skies was my new habitat and I was to adapt just like any other animal who is trapped and brought into a life of captivity.

I hailed a cab that would take me to Charlie's since he was currently at work. As the man pulled away from the airport I let my Zune collection blast from my headphones and flood my head for the entire thirty minute ride I had ahead of me.

Sigh. Papa Roach converted my feelings into music.

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort...