"Men are curious creatures, and often act with more wisdom than we give them credit for."

- L. Frank Baum, Juggerjook

There was something to be said for Jim Kirk's ability to make one stupid and dangerous decision after another.

Driving your deceased father's antique car off a cliff so your stepfather (henceforth known as the Holy Terror) couldn't sell it? Stupid and dangerous.

Sleeping with your ex-girlfriend even though you know she's a complete psychopath? Stupid and dangerous, regardless of the fact that you were not completely sober at the time.

Calling a man who could squash your head between his thighs like a sparrow's egg 'Cupcake'? Suicidal. Though admittedly that incident was the reason that he met Pike, which led to him enrolling in Starfleet, so hey, all's well that ends well!

Developing feelings for your half-Vulcan First Officer who previously stranded you on a frozen wasteland of a planet and later attempted to strangle you? Not technically a decision, but it was still an incredibly stupid move on Jim's part, one that he had tried time and time again to undo, but every time, every single time that he thought he might be getting over it, he'd see Spock standing there next to him, looking every bit the strong and stoic Vulcan he aimed to be and Jim would find himself falling all over again for no other reason than the fact that Spock was… What? What was it that he found so irresistible about the half-Vulcan? Jim's attraction to his First Officer wasn't just a physical one, though admittedly that was part of it, because Spock was certainly handsome (in a kind of sharp, Vulcan-y way), not to mention rather muscular underneath that blue shirt, which Jim had been rather amazed to find out after the 'Alien-Bugs-Eating-The-Landing-Crew's-Clothes Incident" (yes, it was exactly like it sounded). It certainly wasn't Spock's personality that made him turn into a stuttering, blushing mess. The guy was as cold as Delta Vega on a good day! No, much to his chagrin, Jim had no freaking idea what specific aspect of Spock had made him feel this way, and it drove him absolutely insane.

It also drove Bones insane, though not for the same reasons. It drove Bones insane because this infatuation had turned the already moronic Captain into an insufferable lovesick preteen girl, and guess who got to listen to Jim drone on and on about how much he hated that he was crazy about the half-Vulcan?

On a related note, Scotty did not in fact have an endless supply of scotch hidden on the ship. At least, not that Bones was able to find.

So to recap, Jim was a pining teenage girl, Spock seemed to be utterly oblivious to Jim's longings, Bones was exasperated with them both, and Scotty just wanted to know where the hell all his scotch had disappeared to.

Admittedly, it looks like the summary for a cheesy romantic comedy.

And this is before the baby.

It wasn't his fault.

Jim had made plenty a stupid decision in the past. In fact, his memoirs would probably be titled What the $#% Were You Thinking?!: A Series of Undisputedly Terrible Decisions I Have Made. The section on his teenaged life would be a doorstopper all on its own, never mind the section on his young adulthood.

However, this was Most Definitely Not Jim's Fault.

Yes, he had decided to defend the cat-people from the ape-people who were invading their planet.

Yes, he had been the one to lead the landing team into battle against the ape-people (who were apparently allergic to grape juice).

Yes, he had turned his back on one of them.

However, he hadn't asked Spock to push him out of the way of the ape-man's phaser by tackling him, even if his brain (and um… certain other body parts) had rejoiced at the half-Vulcan landing on top of him.

Therefore, it was Not His Fault that they had landed on the crystal thing, and this whole situation was the product of Spock's bad decision-making.

Speaking of Spock, she had his eyes.

The baby was a tiny thing of just two months, with soft, pale pink skin and thin wisps of blond hair on the top of her head. Jim traced the tip of one of her pointed ears gently, trying to comprehend this situation, trying to grasp the fact that, yes, this was his daughter, his own flesh-and-blood baby girl, and he was now responsible for making sure she didn't grow up to be a miserable fuck up like him.

Jim hadn't thought seriously about being a parent in a long time. Oh, the thought had crossed his mind a few times over the years, but he hadn't ever seriously considered it. In fact, the last time he'd thought seriously about fatherhood was when he was seventeen and his then-girlfriend had confessed that she might be pregnant. The five minutes that it took for the pregnancy test to calibrate had been the longest, most terrifying five of his life, and all he could do was think about his father, who had been dead for pretty much Jim's entire life, and the Holy Terror, who he couldn't even call a douchebag because that would be an insult to douchebags everywhere. He thought about how much his own parents had screwed him over, how fucked up he was, and how fucked up his kid could be if he screwed up. Looking back on it, Jim was surprised he didn't have a panic attack when What's-Her-Name came back with the results.

He couldn't help but be relieved when he heard her say "Not Pregnant". Of course, his relief immediately turned to despair when she promptly dumped him and kicked him out of her house, which had lead to a week long sob-fest over how he'd never love again (ironic, as he couldn't even remember her name now), and Sam had to be some sort of saint because if the roles were reversed, Jim probably wouldn't have hesitated to smother Sam with a pillow just to stop the dramatics.

The baby let out a soft whine, and Jim was pulled back into the present. "Uh… h-hey, now, it's alright!" He tried, hoping to keep her from crying. Unfortunately, it only seemed to make things worse, as she began to cry softly.

Shit! "Crap, uh… hush little baby, don't say a word, Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird…" The soft cries turned into a high pitched howl, filling the otherwise silent medical bay and making the lights flicker in response. Bones practically sprinted back into the sickbay, glaring at Jim. "Good lord, man! What did you do?!" Bones shouted over the screaming as his took the baby from Jim and began comforting her gently.

"I don't know! She started crying, so I tried singing to her, but-!"

"Wait," Bones interrupted, "that was singing? I thought someone was torturing a cat!"

Jim opened his mouth in anger, about to tell his CMO exactly where he could stick it, but then remembered that he was trying to be a better parent than the Holy Terror and settled for just glaring menacingly at him. "Y-Yeah, well… shut up." He replied lamely.

He could hear Chapel snicker, and Bones grinned despite himself, shifting the little girl (who had since stopped crying) around in his arms. "I'm very sorry you had to go through that, little miss. Hopefully it won't happen again."

The glare intensified. "Remind me why I haven't fired you yet?"

"I know all your secrets, remember?" Bones replied smugly.

Damn he was good.

Jim might've made a snarky comment, perhaps something about how he knew a few of Bones' secrets as well, and maybe mention how Scotty's booze kept getting stolen, but just then the doors hissed open and Spock walked through, effectively ending the conversation, because quite frankly Jim was perfectly fine with Spock not knowing the stupid, embarrassing truth at this point, especially now.

"Captain, Admiral Pike has requested your presence on the bridge."

"O-Oh, uh, sure. Thank you, Spock." Before leaving, Jim turned to Bones, narrowing his eyes and pointing at him. "This conversation is not over, ya hear?" Jim declared, walking backwards out of the sick bay before turning into the hallway.

Bones rolled his eyes, and then walked over to Spock. "Here," he said as he held out the little girl for the other man to take, "hold your kid while I get back to the tests, would ya?"

Warily, Spock took the child and adjusted her a bit in his arms, then looked back at Bones as if to say 'What the fuck I am supposed to do with this?'

Bones rolled his eyes once more, and then patted the new father's shoulder in sympathy. "You'll figure it out." With that, he turned and went back into the room he had been before, leaving Spock alone with his daughter.

Admittedly, his actions during the incident on Nargara IV eleven months ago had made very little sense.

Yes, the Captain had been in danger.

Yes, as First Officer, it was his duty to keep the Captain from perishing.

Yes, it had been rather foolish of the Captain to turn his back on one of the ape-men.

However, the situation had not warranted Spock tackling the Captain so that he wouldn't be killed by the ape-man's phaser. A better solution would have been to have shot the would-be assassin in the face.

But that hadn't happened. No, Spock had let his emotions get the better of him and gone with instinct rather than logic, as he seemed to do so often when it came to the Captain.

It was… frustrating, this effect that Kirk had on him. He had never known such emotions before, not even with Nyota (which is more than likely what had caused her to terminate their relationship several months earlier), and that had been fine with him. He was a Vulcan, and Vulcans did not need such frivolities.

He knew what love was, of course. He had loved his mother, despite not conveying it often enough. He had loved his sehlat, I-Chaya. He had even loved Nyota on some level, though perhaps not in the same way that she had loved him.

What he felt for his Captain, however, was so very unlike any sort of love he had felt before. The love he had for James Kirk was an intense, all-consuming sort of feeling, a maddening emotion that befuddled and enraged him like nothing else ever had. It was shameful, uncontrollable, and so undeniably human in itself, and he hated it, just loathed how illogical it all was.

Spock couldn't stand how Kirk made him feel, and sometimes he wondered why he didn't hate Kirk for making him feel that way.

But then Kirk… no, then Jim would look at him with those startlingly blue eyes that seemed to always have that mischievous little twinkle, and Spock would know why he didn't hate Jim, because despite how much he loathed the things he felt whenever he was with the man, the simple truth was that he loved the man himself infinitely more.

It was that contradictory love that had made Spock tackle Jim, and was why he now held this little child in his arms.

The girl looked up at him, her big brown eyes drooping slightly, and then completely closed as she let out a yawn, after which she smacked her lips together and snuggled closer to Spock's chest in an attempt to gain warmth. Spock smiled despite himself, moving his hand to better support the girl's head.

Curioussleepyconfusedafraidtrust

Spock pulled his hand back, startled by the sudden barrage of emotions. It was overwhelming, how much she could feel at such a young age. The tiny child shifted again, staring up at him with a comically baffled expression.

"Sorry." He replied before he could stop himself, moving his hand back to its previous position with caution.

Curiouscuriouser

Curious and curiouser… where have I heard that before?

"…Suddenly, she came upon a little three legged table. She found a little bottle with the words DRINK ME printed on it. Alice ventured to taste it, and, finding the taste to be very nice, downed the rest of the bottle."

"Mother, I do not believe that Alice is very clever."

Amanda looked up, forcing a smile as her son interrupted the story yet again. "Spock, sweetie, if you keep interrupting me like this we'll never finish the book."

"But Mother, she is being very irrational."

"Baby, you've said that about everything in this book so far."

"That is because it is irrational. Alice's actions make no logical sense. Why would she follow the talking rabbit down the hole if she doesn't know if it is safe?"

"Well, she was bored, and the rabbit was interesting. Don't you ever get bored when you're meditating with Daddy?"

Spock gave her an indignant look. "Father says that boredom should not be an influence on my actions."

"Well, your father is an old fuddy-duddy, then."

Spock's mouth dropped open, and Amanda burst out laughing at how scandalized he looked. "Oh, don't act like you've never thought it!"

Spock smiled a bit at the memory. Although he'd denied it, secretly he had loved it whenever his mother had read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland to him as a child. There was something so whimsical about the girl's adventures, something that made him long to find a white rabbit of his own to chase down a rabbit hole to a strange new land.

Before he could get lost in his thoughts, the doors hissed open once more. "Oh, good, you're still here." Kirk said as he walked into the medical bay.

"Why would I have left, exactly?" Spock asked, but Kirk didn't seem to hear him and instead kept talking.

"So, the Admiral has given me the okay for keeping the baby here. You know, once he stopped laughing long enough to talk."

"Hmm," Spock murmured, not paying much attention to the captain as the little girl in his arms wrapped a tiny hand around one of his fingers. For some reason, listening to Kirk's explanation seemed decidedly less important than spending time with his daughter.

Kirk stared at his first officer, taken aback by the unusual lack of interest from Spock, who usually paid full attention when someone was talking to him. Today, however, this obviously wasn't the case. Today, he seemed to be fully focused on the baby.

It… was actually kind of adorable.

Kirk clapped his hands, taking a step towards his first officer and his daughter. "So! Speaking of the baby, she needs a name. Do you have any-?"

"Alice."

Kirk blinked, startled by the blunt statement. "P-Pardon?"

Spock looked up, one eyebrow raised. "You asked if there was a name that I wished to give to her. I was merely giving a suggestion."

"O-Okay, but, uh…"

The eyebrow arched higher. "Do you not like the name?"

"N-No, I like Alice, it's a perfectly fine name! I just…" I just kind of thought he'd say Amanda.

"You just what, Captain?"

"… Nevermind."

The eyebrow remained arched, but Spock said nothing, and the room was filled with an awkward silence that seemed to drag on for hours, with Spock's attention back on the baby (Alice, Spock reminded himself) and Kirk unsure of what to say.

After another moment, the door opened again, letting a woman who worked in the science department in.

"Commander Spock? I'm afraid we're having an issue down in the labs… again."

Out of the corner of his eye, Kirk could've sworn that he saw Spock roll his eyes.

Spock stood, walking over to Kirk. "I see. Captain, could you…?"

"Hm? O-Oh, uh, sure." Kirk replied as he took Alice out of his first officer's arms. "Uh, hey, so, we're agreed on that her name is Alice, right?"

"Yes, Captain." As soon as he was sure that the baby was safely in Kirk's arms, Spock started to walk towards the door.

"Alice Amanda Kirk," he heard the other man murmur. "What a pretty name."

If Spock were to say that his breath did not hitch in his throat at that, he would be lying.

Too much.

Too much was happening all at once, and it was driving Jim crazy, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to care. He was far too busy enjoying the lips that were pressing kisses down his neck and chest and the fingers gently tugging at his hair and wait why was there a hand near his panohHHHKay, that definitely worked for Jim. "Jesus!" He heard himself gasp.

Suddenly, he found himself staring into a pair of familiar brown eyes that shone darkly with an unfamiliar lust. "Naming the prophet of an old religion, Jim? Most illogical."

Jim moaned as those long fingers slipped into his pants, wrapped around his length and started pumping it gently. "Spock," he panted, too delirious from the pleasure to be embarrassed, "Spock, please!"

"Patience, Jim." Wait, was Spock mocking- where the fuck did his pants go-

Oh.

"Oh dear god," Jim moaned once more as his fingers clutched at dark hair. Spock hummed in response, swirling his tongue around the tip. Jim could already feel the familiar heat pooling in his stomach, and he tried to be disappointed that it was happening so fast but found it very hard to do so with Spock's talented tongue licking up and down his shaft. "Spock… Spock, shit, I… SpockSpockSpock fu-uck!"

Jim woke with a gasp, clutching at his sheets as his orgasm tore through him. His chest heaved for a moment as he recovered. Then he looked down at the wet spot near his crotch and let out a string of curses. Not again... These were new sheets, dammit!

Then he questioned why he was naked.

Oh, right. I passed out after taking a shower. Who knew that babies could be so exhausting?

Jim groaned, casting off the sheets and heading toward his bathroom, his legs still a bit unsteady from the powerful release.

It had been bad enough when he had just had a simple crush on his first officer. Yeah, the cheesy romantic things he'd find himself imagining doing with Spock were embarrassing, but at least back then he wasn't in a constant state of sexual frustration. Personally, he blamed that whole 'Alien-bugs-eating-the-landing-crew's-clothes' incident, though admittedly his dirty mind also had something to do with it. There were a lot of things that he could have focused on in this situation, like Chekhov wearing only Sulu's shirt, for example; to summarize, the med-bay had run out of those horrid hospital gowns due to the alien flu outbreak only a week earlier (upon curing it, Bones had claimed that he was starting to think he could cure a rainy day. Jim had responded by asking how the hell that would help them in the middle of outer space), and so Sulu had given Chekhov his shirt so he didn't have to run around naked.

On a related note, Sulu had a tattoo of a butterfly jumping through a flaming hoop on his back, and when Jim had asked about it the only answer he got was "Budapest."

It was actually kind of funny, now that Jim thought about it.

But no. Instead of that humorous little incident, Jim's brain had to focus on Spock.

Spock's shoulders.

Spock's surprisingly well-defined abs.

Spock's long legs.

That tiny trail of dark hair that started just below Spock's navel and lead down to his- GODDAMMIT NO!

He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. After grabbing a towel and cleaning himself off, Jim pulled a random pair of boxers and a t-shirt out of his dresser, putting them on right as he fell back into bed, pulling the comforter (but not the sheets, because ew) over his body as he settled in to go back to sleep.

A shrill cry came from the bedside monitor, making Jim groan.

"Whyyyyy…" He mumbled, getting out of bed once more and stumbling around in the dark to find his bathrobe.

"Freakin' babies and their lack of timing…" Jim muttered darkly as he trudged down the hallway to the room that had been designated as the nursery.

"... Why is the captain storming down the hall in a bathrobe?" He heard someone ask behind him.

"Logan, I've been on this ship for three months, and if I've learned anything, it's that you shouldn't question anything the captain does."

Jim paused, turning towards the pair with his eyebrow raised. The two quickly made themselves look busy, and Jim sighed and shook his head as he approached the door to Alice's room.

He was rather shocked to find that he had been beat to comforting Alice.

The shrill wailing Kirk had heard only a moment ago was long gone by now; a few hiccups and the occasional tiny cry was all that remained of Alice's sobbing. Spock bounced her up and down gently, patting her back lightly as he hummed an unfamiliar lullaby.

It was so sweet, so uncharacteristically kind of Spock, and suddenly Jim found himself filled with an intense longing; he found himself wanting to wrap his arms around Spock, to just stand there with him, to just enjoy the strangely beautiful creature that was Spock.

He... He needed some air.

Spock didn't seem to notice the door sliding shut, something that Jim was intensely grateful for as he slid down the wall, running his hand threw his hair as his eyes widened in realization.

This... This thing he had for Spock... It wasn't just a crush, or some sort of insanely misplaced lust.

There was no denying it now: James Tiberius Kirk was in love with his first officer.

He was completely screwed.

A/N: First of all: This thing took a lot longer than expected, and originally the porn was going to come a lot later.

I had planned to finish before the new movie came out, but then I got stuck, so I saw Star Trek Into Darkness (which was AWESOME, by the way), and I was just like "WELP".

So! This is the reboot of my old Star Trek fanfic, How Did THAT Happen? If you are a new reader, you do NOT need to read that to understand what's going on; the plot of this one will be pretty different from that story.

If you did read the last one, you'll find quite a few changes, starting with the baby's name. I've decided to change it because I plan on making her a completely different person than the previous kid.

And with that, the intro is done! From here on out, be aware of spoilers for Star Trek: Into Darkness!

Remember to review~!