"Courtney, wake up!" Someone yelled across the cabin. I groaned and rolled over, burying my face in my pillow. Too. Tired. "It's not like her to sleep in…" The voice commented.
I laid in silence, my tormentor giving up and going to an early breakfast; I went through the memories of two nights before in my head like a dream.
ELIMINATION. I hated that word. So, I knew I put up this whole 'I don't care and I know I'm safe' front when it came to that dreaded time, but the truth was I got scared out of my mind. It didn't used to be that way, at least not before I gained more ties to this stupid island and the whole situation… Now, though, I had come to dread eliminations. Why? Well, what's the point in arguing with myself? I had it bad for Duncan.
But I was getting off track. Night before last Sadie was voted off- yay- and I was growing more and more nervous. I had wandered off after elimination, feeling sick to my stomach with worry, and had just made it back to my cabin. They were munching on pizza and other synthetic junk like nothing had just happened. I suddenly felt the need to DO something. So I sat down on the floor, not saying a word, and began to stuff my mouth with whatever my hands came into contact with. The girls looked at me strangely while I downed my fourth piece of pizza and I suddenly felt sicker than before. Emotions whirled around in me as the food did in my stomach. The room began to shrivel. I got up and left without saying a word.
Outside after I had thrown up the last of the junk I had eaten I felt, strangely, a little better. Emotionally, at least. I knelt down on my knees, gasping for breath, the woods around me suddenly encroaching on my personal space. I couldn't remember how far I had gone. I looked around, head still slightly spinning and black dots forming at the corners of my vision, and tried to decipher where I was. I groaned and stood up, wobbling like a weeble, and stumbled to the nearest tree. Maybe ten minutes, give or take a few, had gone by and I was more lost than before. It's not like the woods were that big, in daylight I could have been back at the cabin already, but I wasn't in the best of conditions. So much for my CIT certification, that was officially a useless joke. I let out an exasperated cry and sunk to my knees. I wiped my mouth, stale from the previous escapades, and ran my fingers through my hair. The 'elimination headache', as I called it, had ensued.
"Courtney?" I heard. My name about made me jump out of my skin. I looked around. "Ha, man. What are you doing out-," Duncan faltered, his mimicking words skipping a beat as he got a better look at me. "Here?" He finished. I swallowed my pride and tried to stand up, mistake. I fell back and would have landed on my butt if Duncan hadn't caught my arm. He hoisted me up and I grabbed for a tree trunk.
"I'm fine." I snapped. He drew his hand away at my retaliation, a frown on his face. I was afraid his brash side would come out in return to my hateful comment. It would have been just like him to run screaming back to camp 'Come look at Courtney! Ha ha!'
"Okay." He shrugged, turning to leave just as my vision clouded over. I cursed under my breath, something I never do, as I felt myself fall back to the ground. Before I could see, Duncan was knelt down at my side again. I sighed.
"You don't have to stay." I whispered.
"You mean you don't want me to stay." He said, speaking more truth than I thought I had let on.
"It's not-," I started, rubbing my eyes to get the clouds to go away.
"Because you don't like to be seen this way?" He asked. "Is that it?" How was he that good at guessing how I felt?
"How-," I fumbled for words as his face finally came into clear view.
"C'mon, Courtney. It's not like this is the first time I've seen your 'darker side'." He punctuated 'darker side' with his finger quotation marks. I sighed and crossed my arms.
"This isn't me." I said, trying to convince him. He raised an eyebrow at me, a grin spread across his face. He nodded.
"Sure." Sarcasm laced the word; no, it oozed it. "This," He gestured toward me. "Isn't Courtney at all…" I frowned. The moon accented his features and not for the first time I realized his attractiveness. Chagrin tinged my cheeks. "Aw, I made you blush?" He whispered in my ear. I shivered, realizing that I wasn't hot anymore but cold.
"D- Duncan…" I said, trying to clear my head. I couldn't get our first kiss out of my brain, now. Even though nothing had really changed since that night, I hadn't let it completely leave my mind.
"Yes?" I heard, his breath tickled my ear. I closed my eyes and swallowed, my throat dry. When I opened them his face was dangerously close to mine. I couldn't find enough strength to care about where CIT Courtney had gone, letting free and careless Courtney take the reins, at least for the night. I reached my hand out, laying it on his chest cautiously, looking into his eyes for a reaction. The second my hand touched his shirt his wrenched it away, clutching it, and wrapping it around his neck. His eyes only had one basic emotion in them: urgency. Before I could blink his lips had crashed onto mine. I sighed and wrapped my other arm around his neck, drawing him closer to me. His lips tasted wonderful after the stale bile that had passed my lips. I pressed harder, deepening the kiss as a little moan escaped his mouth, his hands tan through my hair.
"Whoa," I managed to eek out. "Head rush." I withdrew one hand from him and placed it on my head, trying to get the second Duncan to merge with the first. He became serious.
"Are you okay?" He asked, placing his hands on my shoulders and squaring them to make our eyes meet; he had to duck his head because of his height.
"I… I think." I said, and then it hit me. "Duncan." He was kind of waving his hands around me, looking for something to help. So when he looked up, his expression was startled.
"Yeah?" He asked. I stared at him. When he still didn't say anything, I raised an eyebrow. Recognition registered in his eyes. When he started to lean in to me, I raised one finger.
"Hold on," I said. "What just happened?" I was utterly confused at what we were going to do now that we had really kissed. Where did that leave us? Our relationship? Would we tell people? And what about after we leave camp Wawanakwa? Would we commute or have a long distance relationship? I go to college in a month, what would we do?
SLOW DOWN, Careless Courtney tells CIT Courtney. There is no reason to start planning the next fifty years of our life if we don't make it the next five minutes. I mean, really… Duncan? Yes, I'll admit, I like him… But would I want to be in a long relationship with this egotistical, moronic, barbaric, annoying, hid-… Yes. I think I would.
"Courtney?" Duncan asked. I snapped back to reality and smiled. "Yeah?" I sighed.
"Did you hear what I said?" He asked. "Are you okay? You looked a little weird for a second." Nice, Duncan. I rolled my eyes. Way to get the girl. At the thought of his ignorance I had to smile again.
"Yeah, I'm okay. What did you say?" I placed my hands in my lap.
"I said maybe we should keep what we have between us for now." He said. Ouch.
"W- why?" I stuttered out. Was he embarrassed to be with me? Was there a bet with Geoff and DJ? What?
"If Chris finds out we're seeing each other he'll flip and want to get all up in our business." He said. Oh. "I mean, if it's what you want." He put up his hands in surrender to me. Interesting.
"I guess that's probably a good idea." I seeded. I wasn't going to fight him on this- at least, not right now.
"I just don't want to be more trouble for you than necessary." He kind of mumbled. Huh?
"Trouble?" I asked. What did he mean by that?
"I. Am. Trouble." He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Now that I think about it, maybe you shouldn't be with me…" His eyes were on the ground, like he was fascinated with a bug or something. Yeah, right.
"Duncan," I said, trying to get his attention. I snapped my fingers. No reply. So I reached over and lifted his head with my hand. "I…" I swallowed, admitting this was harder than I thought. "I do want to be with you."
"No lie?" He asked, a hint of a smile on his lips.
"No lie." I said, content in my voice. I could tell he was starting to remember what had just happened, I was too.
"Last warning. Back out while you can." He said seriously, but his finger trailed the contours of my hand and that was it for my line of thinking.
"Mmh hmm." I sighed, taking his hand. He bit his lip. I frowned at his hesitation. "Don't hold back on me, now. Even if you are a nice guy."
"Shh..." He said, pulling me into his arms. He kissed me lightly. "You promised me. Secret's safe." I smiled.
The rest of that night was a euphoric blur of kisses and touching. When I try to remember it, I picture pink gas. I don't know why. I just remember feeling warm.