Akallabeth – the Downfallen
My father used to sit here on this bench and his father before him. We used to sit here together. It is one of the least remarkable things on this island – old and chipping away. Then why do I find it so beautiful and impossible to leave?
My father sat here on a day similar to this, although the sky was not constantly dark then as it is now. He sat, strong and kind and said – you have to know when it is time to leave. Welcome death as your sister. Next day he died with a smile on his lips.
Then why do I not want to leave? Why does suddenly everything seem more beautiful?
We were given this island and a long life as a gift. 200 years full of sorrow but also joy, my husband Tar-Calion's life is even longer than mine. But the longer he lived the more he was clinging to life and the more he was turning away from good. Until finally he decided he would fight Eru himself, to gain immortality. 200 years of memories I do not want to loose.
Everything, I accepted everything my Tar-Calion did to me because I do love him. He forced me to marry him. He even took my throne. But at times he adored me more than I thought humanly possible. And in the end to make sure I was completely cornered I was given a farewell gift. Indeed, never has any been given a gift less wanted and more tempting. Exactly like the giver himself. "I will give you immortality" ... and your eyes Miriel, more beautiful than any jewel I ever gave you, will never lose their brightness. That man knew how to make an everlasting impression. Please Eru, let me see him again. I know he loved me....he loved me....he loved me....
But not enough.
The seagulls...the gulls, there is something wrong with this seagulls. They are mad. Screeching and crashing into each other and falling dead.
Torn, shredded bodies. Children lying on this street, their heads twisted to an unnatural angle. I can see the rising wave. Doom is approaching.
When it comes – will death come like this – terrifying and ugly or will it be a friend, a sister like my father said? Will there be a moment when it all becomes clear?
Is this the end?
What my husband did to me was wrong because I did not love him to start with. We were close kin. He defied my father's last wishes. He usurped my throne. He brought unspeakable evil to Númenor. What this man did to me was wrong.
And yet.
Oh Eru, You have helped men before.
I know I have failed you. How can I forgive myself for not stopping my husband when he was torturing and killing the so called rebels under my own rule? I did rescue some from the altar in that reeking temple, feeling the full power of Sauron's anger, but it was not enough. Not even close to being enough.
I am guilty
You have changed the course of the world before. Change it now!
Am I not the rightful queen – Tar - Miriel? You know had I sat on the throne, Sauron would have not been allowed on this land. You know Tar-Calion and that his will is stronger than that of mortal men.
It was easier to back off. And…I...I admit I was swayed by the power in his eyes and beauty in his smile.
I cursed him! The one I love more and hate more than what should be allowed. And now when I can see the end coming, I regret cursing the one I love.
Please save him and our island. Eru, you will not only take away our home but doom the next generations of people, the survivors to sorrow and unexplainable longing. Do You really want men to deteriorate?
But it may be better that our island be destroyed.
Though I wish I could see him one last time...
But I do not want him to do more evil.
Death. And men spending all their lives in vain attempt to become deathless.
When there is nothing to fear.
There is nothing to fear.
Death is nothing but a horizon and a horizon is nothing but the limit of my sight.