Notes: I do not own "One Piece," a most awesome creation of Oda Eiichiro. I am, however, officially infatuated with this series, and need to get this mess of stories out of my head before I can go back to my own work. Let the short stories begin!

Title: Minor quirks aside, a typical day on the Thousand Sunny.

Summary: Part of being the most fearsome crew on the ocean was the ability to get used to various...quirks, to say the least.

Luffy knew for a fact that it wasn't always his fault.

"Who is the shit-head that fucking well ate the goddamn leftovers I put in the fridge last night?" bellowed the galley - well, Sanji, to be exact, but the ship's kitchen was so much his domain that it may as well have been the room roaring.

Luffy ducked, and turned swiftly to avoid the fancy dress shoe that had just left an impressively large footprint in the ship's railing.

"It wasn't me, I swear! Dammit, I don't even have the code to the lock! Ah, water!"

Luffy barely shot his arm out in time to avoid the ocean, briefly wetting one ear before he bounced back up.

And into the sky.

"Air Force Power Shoot!"

"For fuck's sake, you idiot dartboard cook, now we have to fish his ass out."

Luffy flew for a while, his expression vacant while he remembered a night on the Going Merry, just after leaving Skypeia.

He had been out of bed, looking for food, as expected. The lantern in the galley had been lit, plainly seen by the soft light glow under the door. Even without a cloud of nicotine vapors billowing from the room, Luffy knew the cook was awake. Changing plans, he lay low to the deck. He would have to watch Sanji go to bed before raiding the fridge.

He had cracked the door open, rubber eyes peeking around the corners carefully, finally locking onto Sanji's shadowed form at the table. The cook was hunched over the table, doing something. Luffy squeezed his head through the door, and craned his neck over the table to see what his crewmate was trying to hide.

But Sanji was just devouring the leftovers, meticulously chewing every morsel before swallowing, even licking any residue off of the plates. It looked like he was enjoying himself, given that his eyes were closed. Luffy pouted as he thought of the cook finishing off all the good food without even sharing.

Then the blond man snored. A small snot bubble burst, then reappeared.

'He isn't awake?' thought Luffy. 'That is so cool!'

Sleeping Sanji got up, completely ignoring Luffy's head as it followed him to the sink, where the plate was washed up, dried, and stored. Luffy ignored the beads of sweat hitting the floor as he watched the chef tidy the kitchen.

'Even in his sleep he doesn't leave a mess.'

"Ack!" Luffy cried, as the door flew open. He covered his mouth with his hands and dove off of the railing onto the deck below. Just because Sanji was sleep-walking didn't mean that the captain wouldn't get a swift kick overboard if he was caught near the galley. Ignoring the splinter attempting to gouge out his eye, Luffy listened to Sanji's footsteps as they receded to the men's quarters.

'I am so going to learn that trick!' he thought sagely. 'Think of all the meals I can eat while Chopper's got me on bed rest!'

"Oh well, whatever keeps Sanji fed," Luffy decided, holding onto his hat as a boat came into view. It was the Mini Merry, with Sanji steering it, cigarette ablaze, toilet mouth working. There wasn't even a bat of his blond eyelashes as his captain descended onto the tiny vessel, just a deep-seated need to get back in his sanctuary and start breakfast for his nakama.

"Nami-swaaaaaaaan!"

"Oi, Nami!"

"Hn?" responded the orange lump laying on the writing desk.

Usopp's nose poked her ear uncomfortably.

"Please tell me that you two idiots have a good reason for annoying me this early?"

"Nami, it's just after dawn, which means that Sanji needs to cook breakfast, and I'm off duty."

Raising her head, Nami's bleary eyes managed to convey unabated hatred, particularly if you ignored the ink stains and pieces of parchment stuck to the corner of her mouth.

"And this means what to me?"

She didn't even blink as a foot crushed Usopp's face into the wall behind her.

"Shut your piehole, long-nose. What he means, Nami-san, is that we need our keys, pretty please?"

Nami blinked, then felt around in her cleavage, a sight that left Usopp nonchalantly holding up Sanji, who appeared to have died of blood loss.

"How do these things keep randomly popping up here?" Nami mused out loud, throwing a number of small keys, objects, and wallets onto the desk. "Anyway, here you go. I'm in bed till noon, so no breakfast for me, Sanji."

"Hai! Oi, nagaking, let's go."

"Oh why don't you just go bake a cake or something? Nami, hand it back."

"Hrm? Oh this pouch? Here you go."

Nami lurched out of the library, and headed sleepily up to the bathroom.

"Think she'll ever stop that? Does she even know when she does it anymore?"

Sanji exhaled, and turned to the ladder that lead to his kitchen.

"Nope, but this stuff is probably safer with her anyway. By the way, it's mushroom rice for your ass tonight."

"It's a shark in the tank for your precious tuna."

It was a complete coincidence that Zoro was in the library looking up new exercise routines (with Luffy on his back as added weight) when Nami shrieked. The piercing noise was followed by several thumps and a groan, as she landed in the middle of the library in a crumpled heap.

Zoro's eyes were wider than saucers as he threw Luffy off his back and went over to her.

"Oi, Nami. Oi, Nami. Nami!" he cried, shaking her shoulders roughly with each call of her name.

"Nm...ow..."

Zoro scooped her up in his arms, and flew down the back passages of the ship to the infirmary, Luffy bounding ahead to lead the way.

"Chopper!"

That roar was the doctor's only warning as the door flew open and off its hinges. Zoro's leg was stuck in the shambles of the door before he kicked it into splinters.

"Nami just fell down from the bathroom! You gotta check her!"

"Calm down, Zoro, you're no help to me if you're panicking. Luffy, take Zoro outside while I double-check Nami."

There was a lot of wrestling, but after a bit, Luffy managed to manipulate the swordsman out of the room. The green-haired man paced the passageway like a caged tiger for the full ten minutes it took for Nami to emerge.

Inside, Nami was now sitting up, hold her head and her back as Chopper gave her the once-over.

"You look fine for now, though you may wake up later with a few bumps and bruises. Anywhere in particular hurting?"

"My head and my ass, if that means anything."

Chopper patted the bed, and Nami dutifully stretched out on it. The surface was comfortable, and Nami had almost gone to sleep when Chopper poked her hip.

"You're fine, Nami. Go get some sleep."

Nami yawned, stretched, and rolled her neck. She smiled wearily at the little reindeer, wondering again how his mother could abandon him.

"Thanks a ton, Chopper. You're the best."

Chopper blushed, a difficult phenomenon to observe through so much fur.

"I'm not happy with that comment, you bitch! Go to sleep!"

Nami just laughed and hugged the wriggling young man. Reindeer. Chopper.

"Have a great day, Chopper!"

"Are you alright?"

Nami wasn't prepared to deal with a face full of alcohol-soaked moss without sleep.

"Ugh, yes. Zoro, I'm fine, thanks. Could you move so I can get to bed?"

"Do you feel weak? Need me to carry you?"

"I'll handle it, Zoro," Luffy said, using one rubbery arm to remove his first mate from the passageway. "How about you ask Franky to make some great invention to stop anyone else from falling down the ladders?"

Nami was truly grateful when the swordsman resumed his normal demeanor before going in search of the shipwright.

"Thanks, Luffy," she sighed as she crossed the dining hall. She waved off Sanji as he danced over in mellorine mode with an ice bag on a silver tray.

"Hey, it's just his anti-stairs thing. Besides, I'm glad you're okay. He'd make a lousy mapmaker, and a worse navigator."

Sanji and Zoro glared daggers at each other as the swordsman came through the kitchen for the fourth time. The cook threw an empty wine bottle at the source of his aggravation, and took off his apron.

"Oh for fuck's sake, you directionless algae-head, I'll take you to Franky."

"Shove it, swirly-curly. It ain't my fault they get lost on their own ship."

"Who the fuck are you saying is lost? In fact, never mind, I don't want to waste the brain cells. Just follow me."

They were soon descending the ladder that led to the brains of the ship. Passing Usopp's factory, they heard two distinctly different voices arguing.

"That, Usopp, is an absolutely crappy idea. It is made of fail."

"Oi, just cuz you're Sogeking, with the bounty and all, doesn't mean you make the ammo."

"Thank God. Don't you have a normal gun or something?"

"Listen, you can't snipe with a gun, the report is too loud."

Both monsters stopped, and looked at each other quizzically.

"Yeah, he's been doing that all day," Franky confirmed as he came down the hallway. "You guys looking for him or me?"

"You," Zoro ground out, all business again. "Nami fell down the ladder from the bathroom. You need to invent a way to stop that from happening."

"Hey, bro, that wouldn't be a problem if people would dry their feet proper-ok, ok, I'll think about it! Put that white straight-blade of yours away!"

Franky readjusted himself as Zoro stopped back down to the kitchen. The man's temper was ridiculously short where women and stairs were concerned. It always took a minute to get his stones re-descended after an encounter like that.

"I'm heading back to the kitchen then. By the way, mushrooms in your miso soup?"

"That would be SUPA, cook-bro!"

"Yeah, yeah, warn a straight man next time you do that. Ahoking, it's mushrooms in your miso!"

"Sanji, I'll put chili sauce in your gazpacho if you keep that up."

"But I, Sogeking, will be honored to eat your mushrooms, Sanji-kun."

Sanji shook his head, and made a detour outside to smoke another half-pack.

In the gloom of her mercifully darkened room, Nami flopped onto her bed, oblivious to the fact that her bedroom door was still open. So it wasn't entirely Luffy's or Brook's fault that her undergarments were on display as they jumped up to the Thousand Sunny's masthead.

"Yohohohoho, red panties today, Luffy!"

Luffy, purely out of experience, dodged left as Nami's furious fist of love came flying from the room.

Robin was in her garden, much to Sanji's delight. Overjoyed and in full mellorine mode, the cook wafted over to join her. In the distance, Zoro was finally on the lawn and heading to the crow's nest, Chopper leading him by the hoof.

"Good morning, Robin-chwaaan!"

"Good morning, Mr. Cook."

"It's going to be a lovely day! Nami-san told us that before she went to bed."

"Oh? Perhaps we should do some sun-bathing after all..."

"Yes! Please! Mellorine, to feast mine eyes upon your sun-drenched beauties would be a gift beyond recounting for this humble chef."

"Is it eyes or eye, Mr. Cook? I keep envisioning that a sea monster mauled the left side of your face and ate your eye. Could I take a look?"

Internally, Sanji sighed. Robin's mature, morbid sense of curiosity was often beyond him. Before he could answer, there was a resounding splash to the right of the ship.

"Hammer overboard!" Zoro yelled. Another splash followed.

"Make that two hammers overboard! Dammit Chopper, you can't swim!"

With a sigh, Sanji jumped down to the lawn, avoiding Zoro's splash as the first mate dove in after the doctor. Sanji took off his jacket and shoes, and dived in to look for Brook. He came up for air after a while.

"I can't find him!"

"Perhaps a sea king got him?" Usopp asked nervously, as he pumped water out of Chopper.

"If a sea king had eaten him, maybe we would see his bones scattered all over?" Robin asked lightly.

"Yohohohoho! Monster at 4 o'clock!"

A skeleton raced past Sanji in the water, who began cursing fluently as Luffy finally got the presence of mind to haul him up. Zoro already had his swords drawn, while Sanji dripped dry on the deck, and recalculated the morning menu.

"Right, marimo, gut him there, there, and there, leak his brains out through there. Luffy, when Zoro's done, haul that fucker's ass in. It's sushi for breakfast.

"Shut up and let a woman sleep!"

Yes, a typical morning on the Thousand Sunny.

Author says:

Name that neurosis, anyone? The Straw-hat crew has them in spades. Updates for grammar and formatting. Again.