Birthday, a hogan's heroes fanfic

Birthday

Summary: A fic of Carter and the men getting ready for a birthday. However some oddities arise. Funny!

…

Newkirk stood outside the barracks with a pad and pencil. He was the party planner after all. Burkhalter's birthday was just around the corner and he had to get the party planned within the few days before it came. They needed it as a distraction so they could steal valuable documents and send them to London.

Carter came out of the barracks. "Hey Newkirk, what are you doing?"

"Trying to plan Burkhalter's birthday if you don't mind."

"Oh…" Carter hung around a little. He wanted to help. He liked birthdays. "What birthday songs do you have?"

Newkirk looked up from his pad. "Why what did you have in mind?"

Carter took his place in front Newkirk and began to sing. "It itsy bitsy spider-"

"No."

"Let me finish!"

Hogan came out with Lebeau and Kinch. "What's going on?"

"I'm trying to plan the party and Carter wants to sing children's rhymes as the birthday songs."

Hogan looked at Carter who put a finger up. "Let me finish." He cleared his throat. "The Itsy Bitsy spider was running all around. Along came…" He poked Newkirk in the chest. "Peter who knocked it to the ground." He went to Lebeau. "Louie came along and squished the spider flat. Now the Itsy Bitsy spider looks like a welcome mat!" He bowed.

The other men just looked at him. Then Kinch let out a laugh. "I think it fit's the German's pretty well.

Hogan shook his head. "Where did you learn that song?"

"My dad."

Newkirk rolled his eyes. "What other songs did your dad teach you?"

"Well," Carter thought, then began listing them off. "Mary Smelt like little lamb, She'll be big as a mountain when she comes, On the way to grandpa's farm-"

"Oh how does that one go?" Hogan asked rather amused.

"You don't want to know." Carter said raising his hand up unwilling to sing it. "It wasn't one of my favorites."

"Awe come on!" Newkirk prodded, not that he was serious.

"Well. I'll sing one stanza or so." Carter began to sing to the tune of on the way to grandpa's farm. "On the way to grandpa's farm we hit a big fury cat. That cat it made a sound like…" He stopped. "Sorry I don't like that one."

Hogan had a feeling he knew what came next. "Okay Carter. You're dad must have been twisted to teach you those songs."

"Not really, although people said that. He actually really liked animals."

"What about woman? 'She'll be big as a mountain'?" Newkirk asked.

Carter started laughing. "That was actually my Aunt Betsy. His sister."

The men started laughing. "That might entertain the German's actually. It entertained me. What others are there?" Hogan leaned on Carter's shoulder.

"Uhm... 'Dashing through the halls'."

"Alright Carter you sing those songs at the party."

"Okay Colonel." Carter looked at Newkirk who wrote down the activity. He seemed amused by it actually.

They knew it was odd for Carter to sing songs like those, but his father did teach them the songs. And Carter liked to blow stuff up… Hogan just shook his head and moved on to the next subject.

"Lebeau, what did you have planned for the party?"

"Well for the main meal, I got a bunch of recipes from one of our contacts. They look great although the names are interesting."

"Like what?" Carter asked.

"Well for dessert; Animals in an avalanche."

Hogan placed his head in his hands. This was going to be an interesting party.

"Hey That's not nice!" Carter said resenting the fact that animals were the target.

"Relax Carter, they're just animal crackers. You mix them with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream then freeze it. It's like a cake. A variation of it is if you add chocolate then its animals in a mud slide." Lebeau said cheerfully.

"Well that actually sounds good. As long as it isn't real animals." Carter said approvingly.

"And the main meal?" The colonel asked Lebeau.

"Well Potatoes All Rotten is the name of the dish. But Au Gratin Potatoes is what it really is."

"What is with you guys today." Hogan couldn't help but laugh.

"Hogan!" Klink came out of his office and came up to the American Prisoner. "Is the party all planned?"

"Not to worry sir. It's on its way. It should prove very entertaining." Hogan said with a smile on his face as he looked over at the boys.

"Good! It had better be!" Klink turned on his heel and went back to his office.

"Alright men, I want this party to be especially interesting for the General." Hogan turned to head in and said to himself. "…and I know it will be."

….

[AN] Note Songs are real! My dad thought me and my sister them when were kids! XD I love them soooo much! And the recipes are my dad's too. Gotta love funny things like these! Now on to the Party itself. Sorry for the break there. Needed a time break.

….

It was the night of the Party and General Burkhalter enjoyed the meal and his birthday cake.

"Tell me Klink what is this called." The General said taking another bite of his meal.

"Well, Sir, its uh.. Uhm uh.."

Lebeau whispered in his ear. "Potatoes All Rotten."

"Potatoes All Rotten, Sir." Klink repeated then immediately went into Cardiac arrest… well almost.

"Klink!"

"Sir I, uh.."

"Not to worry Sir." Lebeau came to the rescue. "Its not really rotten. Its just the name. Its actually Au Gratin Potatoes the name is just different."

"Oh well alright then." He said not quite dismissing the name although glad they weren't rotten.

Then the cake. "Interesting Cake. Why Animal Crackers?"

"Well my friend I got the recipe from uses this as a birthday cake all the time. And it wouldn't be Animals in an Avalanche without Animal Crackers." Lebeau said shrugging.

The General immediately let out a laugh at the name of the cake. "Very creative."

"Thank you Sir." Klink said happily.

"Not you Klink."

"Yes Sir, not me." Klink slumped in his chair.

Then it was time for the show.

Carter was up there with the band.

"For tonight's numbers We will be singing some old favorites my dad would sing me at my birthdays." Carter took his place on stage. He cleared his throat and the band began to play Itsy Bitsy Spider'.

"The Itsy Bitsy Spider was Running all around,

Along came Albert who knocked it to the ground.

Wilhelm came along and squished the spider flat

Now the Itsy Bitsy spider looks like a welcome mat."

The General Laughed at the song. The band began playing 'Mary had a Little Lamb'

"Mary smelt like little lamb Little lamb little lamb

Mary smelt like little lamb and couldn't get a man.

Mary had then took a bath took a bath took a bath

Mary had then took a bath and got a man."

More laughter. The band played 'She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain When She Comes.'

"She'll be big as a mountain when she comes

She'll be big as a mountain when she comes

She'll be big as a mountain

She'll be big as a mountain when she comes

She'll clean out the cupboards when she comes.

She'll clean out your cupboards when she comes.

Yes she'll clean out your cupboards

She'll clean out your cupboards

Yes, She'll clean out your cupboards when she comes."

Laughter still. The band began playing Jingle bells.

"Dashing Through the halls

On my way to class

If I'm late again

I'll get a kick in the ass."

The men burst into laughter.

"Bell's about tot ring!

Got to get there quick!

If I'm not there by the bell

I'll just call in sick!

Oh!

DETENTION!

Go to the office!

How I'd hate to sit inside while others play outside!

DETENTION!

Go to the office!

How will I explain to Mom that I was late again?"

Carter bowed and went to leave the stage but was stopped by Hogan. "You're forgetting one of the songs Carter."

"But Colonel!" Carter was shoved on stage. The younger man turned back and pulled Hogan and the other men onto the stage. "If I'm singing this so are you!"

"But we don't down the words!" Lebeau said as an excuse.

Carter pulled some paper from his pocket and handed it to the men. It was the lyrics. Carter pointed out where they come in. He was prepared.

The music started to play 'On the way to Grandpa's Farm'.

"On the way to Grandpa's Farm we hit a Big Fury Cat! The Cat it made a sound like this:

REOW Th-Thump! Sang the other men.

The Cat it made a sound like this:

REOW Th-Thump! Sang the other men.

Carter stopped and bowed. He gave a taste of the song he wasn't going to keep it going. Instead he started the birthday song and everyone sang with it.

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday Dear General!

Happy Birthday to you!

Everyone clapped and cheered! The Birthday went off without hitch. And while everyone was celebrating the birthday, Kinch went in to photograph the documents.

[AN] HA HA! Funny! Okay I've had my laugh. Now its your turn. Note: all the songs belong to my Dad! XD Except Happy Birthday of course. Although I wonder if dad has a twisted version for that too! XD

Hope you enjoy! Oh man! I almost forgot to spell check and proof read! Okay done!

R&R!

EDIT: Sorry that it was all bold and underlined. Fanfiction messes with my text sometimes! I fixed it not to worry at least It had better be fixed! XD