When Wizards…Get Stoned
Disclaimer: None of these wonderful characters belong to me. They are J.K.R.'s.
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had been using chalk boards for as long as anyone could remember. In light of the millenium, the staff exchanged their chalkboards for Dry-Erase boards. Everyone was very happy about the change.
This is a story of innocense. And what happens when Dry-Erase…GETS NASTY!
It was a warm September day and the Fifth year Gryffindors were sitting in their transfiguration class. Professor McGonagall, their teacher, was buisily scribbling notes on her new Dry-Erase board. All the teachers loved their boards, so they sometimes took extra steps just to write on it.
Suddenly, Dean Thomas started laughing histerically.
"What's so funny Mr. Thomas?" McGonagall asked.
The only answer she got was the sound of out of control laughing and giggling.
"He just started laughing and won't stop." Replied Lavender Brown
"Well, Take him to the nurse's office."
And with that, Dean was lead to the nurse's office. Occasionally walking headlong into a wall.
"Sit down." Commanded Professor Snape.
The Fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins had just arrived in their double potions class. Harry noticed that Snape looked greasyer and meaner than he did last year.
They were all feeling a bit light-headed and slaphappy after their History of Magic class, where their Professor Binns had gone a little crazy with the Dry-Erase marker.
"Today," Snape began, "we will be making a love potion. You can work in groups of three. Record your results. After you finish the potion, for the love of the Bloody Baron don't drink it. I have some other things for you to look at and record. Now get to work and be quiet."
All the students quickly formed groups and sat down at a nearby table. Harry, Ron, and Hermonie quickly formed a group and gathered around Harry's caldron. Snape was busily scribbling notes and directions on the board, and all the students were quietly working.
"Do you feel kinda'…light-headed?" Ron whispered to his friends. Snape continued scribbling (actually, he was doodling).
"I'm fine. Snape don't look so good though." Harry answered.
"I said quiet Potter," Snape hissed icily, "and I meant everyone. You're not special."
The three worked quietly again. Everyone was busy bustling around getting ingredients and writing on parchment.
Suddenly, Ron stood up, jumped into the air, and landed on Snape's desk. Snape turned around, as did the other students. Ron all of a sudden grabbed the Dry-Erase marker that Snape was holding and jerked it from his hand. Ron shoved the marker up his nose, pulled it out (leaving a blue streak on his face), and began singing.
"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE," Ron sang at the top of his lungs and out of key, "A YELLOW SUBMARINE, A YELLOW SUBMARINE!"
Ron continued his alternation of singing and stuffing the marker up his nose, each time sounding worse and more like a drunk goldfish.
After about the second time through "The Yellow Submarine", Harry too jumped onto the desk by Ron, grabbed a marker, and began singing and sniffing the marker. Harry had a black mark on his nostral and upper lip. None of Snape's screaming could calm them.
Then, Hermonie also grabbed a marker. She began to scribble pictures on the board, on the walls, and on people. She soon grew tired of drawing. She jumped up on the desk, took off her robe (so she's only in her launderay), and started singing with Ron and Harry, who were now totally stoned and screaming the words to "We Are Family".
"Man Hermonie," Harry declared, "you're a hottie!"
As the song drew to an end, Hermonie grabbed Harry by the neck and pulled him close. She hit him with the hardest, drunkest kiss anyone had ever seen. When she let go, Harry stumbled backward and fell off the desk, his eyes wide and childlike, right into the arms of Draco Malfoy, who was running around the classroom, totally stoned. He didn't even notice when Harry fell into his arms. He just continued to run around the room screaming "I'M A TRANSVESTITE" with his cow print boxers on his head .
Snape, who was now as high as his students, began chasing Draco around the room screaming " I LOOOVVVEEE YOU! COME HERE Dracy-POOOOHHHH!" and "I WON'T HURT YOU!"
Then Crabbe and Goyle began throwing dragon dung at Neville Longbottom. The rest of the class began throwing dragon dung and other ingredients at each other.
As Snape had caught Draco, Harry had started eating the dragon dung and saying "This is great chocolate." Ron and Hermonie were singing "Blue Suede Shoes," and Millicent Bulstrode and Seamus Finnagan were hosting a talk show to the office called "Where's my finger, THAT's not it". Crabbe and Goyle were making out in a corner.
Then, Justin Flinch-Fletchy came running through the door. As soon as the fumes hit his nose, he too was stoned.
"I'm gay!" Justin screamed. "I love Neville!"
Just then, Hagrid and McGonagall smashed through the door doing the Polka and singing the National Anthem… of Ukrain. Hagrid had a rose in his teeth and was growling at Professor McGonagall. They looked very happy.
Seeing how the mood was changing Hermonie and Ron began singing "Love Shack", just as the Headmaster, Dumbledore came in with a bunch of rednecks from Texas. The smell of cheap beer surrounded them. They all sat down on a pile of Dragon shit and began to eat it. Ron started squeezeing Hermonie, who could've cared less.
This chaos went on for a while longer.
Then Voldermort aparated inside the classroom just as the Weasley twins, Fred and George, came running through the door.
"Hello children." Volermort said. "How are you?"
"Fine." The twins chorused.
"Okay, here's the deal," Volermort whispered, "I need to kill Harry Potter. Can you NOT get in my way. 'Cause if you do…"
Music plays. Voldermort continues.
"My mother will say, have you ever seen a hag stuck in a bag?…down by the bay!"
So Voldermort blew Harry up (and Cho Chang because he was giving her a blowjob.) Voldermort diapperated muttering
" those twins were sexy I should've…"
The entire school was chaos. That night, they decided to ordered pizzas. Hermonie put her foot to her ear and began talking. Draco was smarter (HeHeHa), so he put his wand in his ear, They eventually got their 90 pizza's with pepperoni, sausage, anchovies, bannana peppers, ham, extra cheese, and pinnapple chunks after their highs were gone (Three weeks later). The Dry-Erase boards were removed over the weekend and distroyed. Hogwarts stuck to their chalkboards forever after.
THE END
Suddenly, Voldermort apparated inside the 7th year Gryffindor boy dormitory.
"Hey," Voldmort said, "Where are those erotically hot twins? I wanna' ass fuck them bad."
Suddenly, he pulled out his dick, which looked like a school hot dog. He began chasing the boys.
"Ha Ha Ha! I am Voldermort! HEAR ME ROAR! OUCH! Why did ya' hit me Mrs. Weasley?"
"Ya' deserverd it, Slim-Oval!"
BBBBOOOOOOMMM!!!