The Legend of Yahtzee!
Chapter 1
The north wind rolled past. The cry of Pidgey passing by filled the air. It was a brand new day. A black man got out of bed and rubbed his eyes. His name was Yahtzee. His hair was shaved bald, but he dyed his eyebrows neon pink. Yahtzee's body was fairly toned and it was quite obvious: since he slept in the nude.
"Morning already?! Ho, damn!", he said and got out of bed. Yahtzee had a raging case of morning wood from his dream earlier. Black belts and male swimmers were rubbing oil all over his dark body. Now wasn't the time to think of such things, it was the pokemon league tournament pretty soon. Yahtzee had to clear his thoughts, so he took a cold shower before getting dressed in his trademark tight white spandex suit, silver belt, pink fairy wings, and roller skates. He made sure to bring along his bright pink iPod nano and earbuds playing "Stayin' Alive" by the Beegees. The back of his iPod was blinged out with rhinestones that spelled out "SEXY BITCH".
Yahtzee couldn't be late for meeting up with his best friend in the world, Kane Matsumoto Sue. Kane was just like your average pokemon master, but his looks could kill. Kane was quite the ladies' man, having slept with all of the female Gym Leaders in Kanto ( and Bugsy once, he mistook him for a girl but we're never going to mention that again, OK? ). Almost everyone is jealous of Kane Sue. But hey, he doesn't give a damn what anyone says. His hobbies include kickin' ass, takin' names, and bowling. Kane Sue was nothing like his long lost brother, Ash. That dork knew nothing about being cool.
Kane's right eye was crimson red and his other was fuschia. He had midnight silver locks that covered his right eye. Kane Sue would usually wear a long black leather jacket. It was surprisingly sturdy, able to withstand the weight of 500 badges pinned to the inside of it. The bottom of the jacket had an obnoxious flame design. Kane Sue usually spiked his hair up because it looks cool. His fists are typically wrapped in bandages because he'd a lot of time punching through walls for no reason or punk ass bitches that got in his way. But hey, that's how he rolls. After each battle, Kane would usually whip off his leather trench coat and place it over his shoulder. He'd light up a cigarette and the wind would begin to blow for no reason at all. You know, hair and coat swaying in the wind.
Yahtzee hurried down the street with his roller skates with a general disregard for traffic laws and pedestrians. Kane would be pretty upset if Yahtzee showed up late for training. Sweat was trickling down the black man's forehead as he hastily skated through town. "Kane?!" he shouted. "Y'all there? I ain't able to speed around like no white bronco forever, son! N'awwwww, baby!".
Suddenly, a dark figure in a trench coat stepped out from the alley. "Hand over your pokemon, faggot!" He had a Weavile and Noctowl by his side. Clearly, this was a hold up.
"Ain't nobody callin' me no names like that, baby, even if it is true! I'm gonna whip yo punk ass like Richard Simmons! Woooh!", Yahtzee replied. He reached for his belt and grabbed a pokeball. Applying slight pressure, the device doubled in size. He gave it a whirl. A muscular form was released in a shimmer of white light. "Machoke!", it cried out. Both Yahtzee and Machoke flexed their stuff.
Suddenly, triumphant music began to play. "Heh...", the voice's silhouette was blocked out by the sun behind him. It was somehow clear that he was smirking, though. "If I knew a party was going down, why wasn't I invited?".
"Kane! Y'all here! Wooh! Let's get. it. on, baby! Some punk ass wantsta hold me up!", Yahtzee replied.
The figure stepped forth. His right eye was glowing bright red. "It's their loss, I suppose!", Kane Sue shouted, releasing a Salamence, Lucario, Metagross, Garchomp, the Egyptian God Cards, and the thirteen ghosts of Scooby Doo.
"Kane?! The red stampede!!", the criminal yelped. He ran away in fear, leaving a trail of urine on the ground behind him.
"Man.. what a coward! I hate cowards!!!", Kane shouted. He punched his first through the wall beside him and revealed a woman showering. "Heh, hey ladies.", he said. This made them blush. Because all females in the pokemon universe are attracted to Kane Sue, no matter what. No exceptions.
"Ewwww, girls...", Yahtzee said. He felt a little sick to the stomach from their nude form. "Think we should follow him and see where he sent, Kane?"
"It would have only been a better idea if I thought of it myself!", Kane said smirking.
The two hurried down the road to pursue the thief. Though it would seem like Yahtzee had an advantage with his roller skates, Kane was somehow able to run better. Because he's great at everything and has no character flaws. Eventually, they happened upon a dark factory,
plooms of smoke towering over like gigantic Onix into the sky.
"Woooh, this is some freaky somethin', I tell ya!", Yahtzee said and jumped into Kane's arms.
TO BE CONTINUED