Forgiveness

Series: Bleach

Pairing: GinxKira

Rating: T

Warning:Yaoi, mentions of abuse and violence.

A/N: I've had this story written forever, and just now got around to typing it. This is what I would love to see happen after the war is over, but I know it won't. Just a fangirls imagination working overtime.

Summary: The war is over, Aizen is defeated, and everyone is trying to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. Will there be a place in this new world for a former traitor turned hero, or will the one person he always loved have moved on without him?

Moonlight streamed in weakly through the window, barely illuminating the sleeping figure before him. Bandages wrapped around the blond's thin body like sickening reminders of the fierce battle he had nearly lost only hours before. His pale face was contorted slightly, as though his mind wasn't peaceful. It seemed Izuru couldn't escape reality, even in his dreams.

Steel-blue eyes closed as the man turned away. With a quiet sigh, Ichimaru Gin continued to think about the man who had given him everything. Loyalty, devotion, adoration: they had all been given so selflessly, only to be met with betrayal. But, despite all he had done, Gin loved his former lieutenant. He loved the bright innocence and the quiet, peaceful nature that was so different than his own. It was this very love that had forced him to make his first, heart-wrenching decision. He knew he could not take Izuru with him. Gin couldn't allow himself to taint the younger man any further.

It was this same love that had allowed Gin to make his second choice. His love for Izuru had given him the strength to finaly free himself of Aizen. Love was not something Aizen had ever been able to understand, and he had ultimatly wound up underestimating Gin's feelings for his former lieutenant. The fear that stemmed from years of blood and abuse was nothing compared to the love he felt for Izuru.

Gin opened his eyes, but the imange was still crystal clear. The astonishment on Aizen's face, then the realization; Gin was no l;onger his to do with as he pleased. Gin could still feel the blood on his hands from where Shinsou had found its mark: Aizen's heart. The act itself had been effortless, but making the decision had not.

Gin continued watching Izuru, as his mind drifted farther back. He thought back to the time before he'd left Seireitei, before he was a lieutenant even. He thought back to his childhood, if you could call it that. He closed his eyes. No food, no love, no one to praise his talent. Aizen had been the only one who had shown him any affection or given him any acknowledgment, and Gin had followed adoringly. He had given no thought to the bitter pain or stinging words; it had been attention.

Gin shook his head and opened his eyes. There was no point in thinking about it now. His attention returned to the sleeping blond in front of him. He reached out and brushed the soft bangs out of the way. Could Izuru forgive him?

Why would he want to?

Gin moved his hand to take the lieutenant's.

"I'm sorry, Izuru. I've always loved you. I hop you'll at least consider forgivin' me.

"I don't know if I can."

Gin tore shocked eyes away from their joined hands to Izuru's face. He stared at the gentle blue eyes, then lowered his gaze to the floor.

"I see," he murmured.

Izuru closed his eyes again briefly. He'd been awake for a while now, and Gin hadn't moved. Izuru had heard the gentle, sincere whisper. Could his former captain be serious? If he was then. . .

"Why?" he whispered.

He watched as Gin raised his head, and the blond was shocked by his eyes. It wasn't just the beautiful color, but by the sadness and guilt there as well. Maybe the man was sincere. Gin shook his head.

"I couldn't tell ya. I just couldn't. An' there was no way that I could have taken ya with me. I just couldn't do that."

"But you could leave me with nothing. No answers, no reasons, nothing but suspicion from everyone else. You leave everything behind, and then you come back and expect me to believe that you're sorry?" Izuru's voice was soft, but there was no mistaking the malicious edge it held.

Gin looked up. He stared wordlessly at the cold distance in the blond's beautiful blue eyes. Gone were the awe and admiration, and in their place were bitterness and dejection. And Gin knew there was no one to blame but himself; he had reduced the one bright lieutenant to this. He sighed.

"I wish you would, because I am," he whispered, "I didn't want to do it. It was what he wanted."

Izuru turned his head away.

"I won't give you an answer right now. I can't."

"I just want you to think about it. "

Izuru turned to watch Gin stand and walk from the room. With a quiet sigh, he closed his eyes. He'd thought he'd been prepared to face the former captain, but his resolve had nearly been destroyed. Gin's tone was new, and the sarcasm was nonexistent.

Izuru raised a hand to his head. Could he really forgive Gin?

He hated himself for already knowing the answer.