Dear Gareth Lanning,
My team and I, but mostly me, has decided to offer you a place at Valture WorkScript ™
You job could be either 'Assistant Executive Valture WorkScript ™ Advanced Fronter' or 'Assistant Executive Valture WorkScript ™ Moderate Fronter'.
You have to do the same things anyway. In fact I don't see the point in both of them… I might end the running of one of the jobs, now it's come to my attention.
You have been selected to work in room K78 that has to be accessed through the fire exit. But don't tell any one I told you that.
It's in the main building opposing the 'not-so main' building. A. K. A: WorkScript™ Clifters.
Or as my floor managers call it, Cabbage.
It's a long story…
It started by my Ex-boss, having a stutter and every one used to take the micky, because he spoke so stupidly.
'D-d-do you th-th-think I cou-cou-cou-could borrow that pa-pa-pa-pa-paper-per-per-per clip clip clip?'
By the time he said it you gave it to him. Oh what fun times it was taking the mick out of him.
Anyway.
He was talking to the floor managers, about the new building that was going to be made, Cabbage, and because of his stutter my ex-boss couldn't say the word… And because no one knew what it was going to be called they had to guess what he was going to say… they guessed cabbage at the same time and had a jolly good laugh about it.
And it sort of stuck.
Okay, so you're not working in Cabbage.
Room K78, main building, fire exit round the rear of the building… the side that says 'Your leaving Valture WorkScript ™.'
That's always annoyed me… it's 'You're leaving Valture WorkScript ™'
It really annoys me when people get there grammar wrong.
If you wish for the job, you must go to the front desk in the main building, and sign a paper, the person at front desk, Mandy, will ask for your name, and it should be on record for you wanting a job, she'll know what to do. She's good, that Mandy is.
I am sorry I couldn't send it over via this e-mail, but there is a maximum word count, and it's really hard to keep the vital information all in there along with an acceptance slip. That's why I didn't ramble… I didn't know if I could squeeze in the slip at the end.
Any way, I hope that is everything sorted, and I wish to see you again soon.
If you have any problems email me at: