I was pouring over a new book laid open on Jeremy's desk. He had encouraged me to learn about the history of the Wolves and I found it somewhat comforting to educate myself about this new life I had been dragged into. Besides being a distraction, I hoped it might give me some sense of family, or at least of history since I had little of my own to fall back on, on either count. It hadn't always been that way; that calm, the first few weeks after my change had been a horrible blur of anger and sadness with swings between rage and a desire to end it all. I brooded in my room, the room Jeremy had given me, not even noticing the care he had taken in decorating it to seem light and peaceful; no, I stared out the window into the dark woods, wondering what I had done in my life to deserve yet another assault against my person, wondering if a psyche I had rebuilt from childhood could be re-formed once again, or if it was even worth it to try? I remember the others bringing me meals, but offering very little else; not certain what to say to me I'm sure. I was as much a mystery to them as they were to me. And with Clayton gone, banished for his disobedience and transgressions against a code I had yet to learn, Jeremy was the only one who dared to speak to me.

He brought me some books, and offered to answer any questions I had, but it took me nearly two months to even emerge from that room and to start to understand the needs I now had. That first run, Jeremy came with me, staying just out of my line of sight, but not beyond my hearing and my sense of smell. He offered protection but not interference, and that said something to me. After that run I trusted him to start training me, and slowly the others, now my brothers, joined in. I let my anger go and accepted what I now was; even embracing the new power the wolf gave me; promising myself that I would never be a victim again now that I had been given these abilities. Once I had accepted that I had become interested in the history, and Jeremy had pulled out tomes for me to read, and had given me the use of his office. And that was where I was, leaned over the near side of the desk, my back to the door; not that it prevented me from hearing the door open, or from knowing exactly who it was.

Werewolves don't wear cologne, but each has a unique scent, something I have learned that I am quite adept at sorting out. Jeremy smelled like rich pipe tobacco, not that he smoked, and the woodsy smell of damp earth. For me it provoked a sense of comfort whenever he was near. I couldn't help but smile at his approach.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked in his low, even voice.

"Not at all." I turned around to meet his eyes; crinkled at the edges from sun and stress, though still bright and soft looking whenever he was content. He even had the hint of a smile drawing up the corners of his mouth. And, he was hiding something behind his back.

"What are you up to Jeremy?" I loved the familiarity we had carved out between us over the last ten months, and it was hard not to smile when he did, because life had to be good if Jeremy smiled.

"I brought you something." He brought his right arm around to his front, where he held a cupcake in his hand. "I made it myself."

Not to say that Jeremy couldn't cook, he did quite a bit of the cooking around the house, especially breakfasts, which were the only meal we could always be guaranteed to have together. He made mounds of pancakes and bacon and sausages. The higher metabolism of a wolf made calorie counting a thing of the past, I didn't mind that aspect of the lupine nature so much. But Jeremy didn't bake, ever, not that I'd ever seen at least. I think that Antonio did sometimes, but cakes and treats were not commonplace around Stonehaven, unless someone had gone into town on an errand and been by the bakery. This made the cupcake quite unique.

"What's the occasion?" I asked.

"Well, it's been a year now since you joined us Elena."

"Sort of like an anniversary?"

"Or a birthday if you prefer."

"Oh God, no one is throwing a party for me are they?" The thought of such a thing, having to be the center of attention, and having to be gracious about it made me feel a little sick to my stomach.

"No, of course not. Antonio wanted to but I told him no, that I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. But I still wanted to acknowledge it, I hope I haven't overstepped?" His smile threatened to fade.

"Not at all Jeremy, it was very thoughtful." I really did appreciate the gesture and I took the cupcake that he was still holding out in front of himself. "You made one cupcake?" I tried to lighten the mood.

"I made a dozen, Nick tested them first to ensure I wouldn't poison you."

"I will have to thank him." I took a finger-full of the icing and stuck it in my mouth. It was quite nice. I could see the grin on Jeremy's face as I did so. He really was such an amazing man; something I often pondered when I was staring out the window of my bedroom, watching him with the others in the yard, sparing, chopping wood for the fire, and just staring, like I did, wondering what was past the tree line, waiting for us out there.

"Thank you, for everything you've done for me over this last year Jeremy. I guess I lost track of how much time had passed. And you've been so understanding with me."

"Well I can appreciate how difficult things have been for you Elena. Are you feeling a little more comfortable here now, with us?"

"Yeah, I am. Everyone has been so kind, and it's been good to get back to some kind of studies," I patted the book carefully, I knew it old, "even if it is a history I can't speak to anyone else about." I tried to laugh a little at myself.

"You can talk to any of us."

That statement made me a little misty feeling inside. I tried to cover it by focusing on the cupcake and peeling back the paper to take a bite to hide a quivering lip. But there was no fooling Jeremy, he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.

"I know it's a very small world you're a part of now Elena, but it is a fierce one, and a loyal one, and a loving one."

I couldn't hold back the sniffle and he pulled me into his arms, which was quite the feat for Jeremy. Not that he didn't have emotions, or share them, but he generally wasn't a demonstrative man; except in his sorrow, and I hoped that this wasn't one of those times. I accepted the embrace and angrily wiped the tears away from my eyes. I never wanted to look weak in front of any of them, Jeremy least of all. Perhaps for that reason I kept things buttoned up just as tight as he did; at least until I was alone. I didn't want to get hurt again, not like before when I had thrown my heart away so carelessly; but damn if that spirit wasn't still inside me somewhere, along with the new nature that had been forced on me, wanting to feel that human closeness, wanting to trust.

"Why do you even care about me Jeremy? Why are you so nice to me when I've been so miserable? You've been so patient."

"Oh Elena." He patted at my back and I was so glad he couldn't see my face just then.

"You've been a teacher, a friend, a confidant."

"You're part of my Pack."

"There's only one thing you haven't been for me Jeremy."

He gently released me and gave me a moment to compose myself. It did take a moment because I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say next. The dam inside me was starting to crack and I could patch it, or I could give it a good swift kick and knock it down completely. I chose the latter.

"What is it I haven't been for you Elena?" The genuine concern in his voice was nearly heartbreaking and I was so afraid of crushing him with my words, so I whispered.

"A lover."

The silence was painful and with every second that passed I regretted opening my mouth. We just stared at each other. To give Jeremy credit he didn't look nearly as miserable after my revelation as I probably did.

"Elena?" His voice had kept its rich, confident tone, confused as he must have been. I knew mine would likely come out as a squeak if I tried to qualify what I had just said. I did the only thing I could think of to do then; in for a penny I figured. I put my hands on either side of his face and kissed him as solidly as could. His scent filled my nostrils, and something else besides. Pulling back to draw breath I looked into his eyes and asked the question soundlessly. His answer was not so quiet.

"Are you certain this is what you want Elena?"

I nodded. That time he came to me.

I felt his hands light on my hips, curving around to the small of my back, holding me against his body. His mouth was hot on mine, parting my lips, delving within to deepen the kiss from the outset. It was easy to fold myself into him and wrap my arms around his back, holding him as tightly as he held me. The rush of overwhelming relief coupled with his nearness, his body, his scent, made me feel weak in the knees, and wholly confident; enough so that I let my hands wander, finding the edge of his shirt, tugging it away from his waist. He did not object. In fact he pulled off his vest, tossing it over the books on his desk and then broke the kiss so he could see to unbutton his shirt; giving me the opportunity to pull off my tank top.

It wasn't that we'd never seen each other undressed before. We didn't make a habit of it, and allowed each other as much modesty as could be afforded when one changed from a human to a wolf on a semi-regular basis to run the property: a turned back or downcast eyes generally served. But all of a sudden I felt a little self conscious, at least until Jeremy's fingers hooked themselves under the band of my sports bra and eased it over my head. I moaned as his mouth found my neck, kissing and tugging over my skin as his hands slid behind me, lifting me up onto the desk. I fumbled at his belt, unable to unhook it without being able to see it. His hands stilled my fingers and I watched as he slid it free himself deftly, and then moved the books that I had been looking at, leaving space to lay me back over the desk. He kissed me again, between my breasts then downwards to my stomach, slipping down my yoga pants as he went. His own were lost somewhere along the way, I felt his body, hard against mine. It was difficult not to purr at the feel of him. When he entered me though, I felt the roar vibrate within both our chests.

We were feral, desperate, hungry, lonely, and it all came out in the lovemaking. I'm not certain if I tore my own lip, or he did it for me, but we shared the taste of blood in our kisses, which only whipped up the frenzy. I didn't think then about what bruises might result, but there were a few. It was Jeremy who found his voice first when we reached our climax. I put my fingernails into the skin of his back and arched into him, not wanting to lose the feeling of his body pressed into mine. Understanding my needs he held me close and righted me to sitting on the edge of his desk, his legs still fit between mine. I nuzzled into his neck and let myself cry quietly as I listened to his heartbeat.

"Elena?" Jeremy was whispering my name. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"Good." His hands roamed over my back.

"We should get dressed, shouldn't we Jeremy?"

"No Elena." I could feel the grin on his face, even as I was still curled into him. "We're alone, let's just go upstairs, I'll clean up in the morning."

"Okay." I was still in the post coital bliss phase, and I was just happy to take his hand and walking through Stonehaven absolutely naked seemed a perfectly natural thing to do. He led me to his bedroom, but could have taken me anywhere just then and I would have followed.

I knew which room was Jeremy's, we all did, but I had never had occasion to be in there, so I didn't know what it would look like when he opened the door; though since he had decorated the rest of the house I had an idea what to expect. It was beautiful. The furniture could have all been fashioned from the trees on the estate, but perfectly cut, the grain standing out with polish and stain that made the pieces seem so elegant, yet so simple. His bed, like so many of the others in the house was four-postered, draped with diaphanous curtains that could be pulled back or looped about, whatever the occupants desired. I walked with him to the side of it, watched as he lit a single lamp and turned back to me, taking both my hands in his.

"I didn't even ask if you wanted to spend the night here Elena, I'm sorry, I shouldn't assume."

"There is nowhere that I would rather be Jeremy."

"Good." He said, his mouth curling up in that same grin, exposing his teeth, not in a feral way, but a genuine happiness that only inspired the same in me. I let him pull me into another kiss, our bodies pressed together in the half-light. It was simple enough to pull him down to the bed atop me.

"Did I hurt you before?" He asked, between kisses, his hands exploring over my breasts as his did so.

"No." I lied to him. The truth was that I did feel an ache; it had been a long time since I'd been with a man, and Jeremy had been quite passionate. But I wasn't about to admit it.

"I'll be more gentle this time, I promise." Of course he knew I was lying, but he wanted to be together as much as I did, and he was true to his word. He was so careful with me. I had never been loved, or felt so loved as that night with Jeremy.

His mouth was attentive, his fingers tender as he brushed them over me. He held me, supported me as he curled his arms around my back and slipped himself inside me again. For a brief moment it hurt, but then even that was lost in his kisses and the way he rocked against me so slowly. There, with the door shut and the rest of the world in the shadows I moaned and cried out for him.

Afterwards he held me, my back pressed to his front, his arms curled over my chest, him pressing gentle kisses into my hair. He'd pulled the quilt over top of us both and dimmed the lights.

"Jeremy?"

"Yes Elena?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When I asked you, back in your office, about, this" I tried desperately to find words that were appropriate for what I wanted to ask. "You didn't, object?"

I felt the rumble of his laughter against my body and his grip around me tighten.

"Elena, I have been in love with you for a very long time."

"What?" I rolled around in his arms, facing him with shock obvious in my eyes. "When?"

He brushed the errant strands of my hair away from my face, smiling at me, his eyes gleaming.

"I think I knew it about a week after you asked me to start training you. Before that I was afraid that you might never come to accept what happened to you, that you might disappear, or stay angry. But when you started to train, when you showed a passion for it, Elena, I let my guards down too, I let my heart open, for you."

"But you never said anything, for all those months?"

"How could I Elena? I'm your Alpha. If I was to tell you that I loved you and desired you how could I know that you if you came to me that it would be by your choice, and not out of some sense of obligation to me? No, I couldn't tell you. I just had to hope that you might come to me."

"But what if I hadn't?"

"All I want for you is to be happy Elena. I would have watched you choose someone else then. Just the same as if you wake up in the morning and decide that you've made a terrible mistake, nothing needs to change between us. I will still be your friend and your teacher, and your confidant if you will have me."

"Oh Jeremy." I felt the tears begin to prickle behind my eyes. "This isn't a mistake. I know it isn't a mistake. I love you."

He smiled at me, almost indulgently, not that I minded. I wanted to be blissful just then, I wanted our whole world to be that room and that bed, and his arms. He continued to run his fingers through my hair.

"Maybe you should tell Antonio that having dinner would be okay." I conceded, caught up in the feeling of belonging finally.

His grin got larger.

"That will make him very happy, thank you Elena."

"But just dinner okay?"

"I promise."

Jeremy kissed me again and I forced what little anxiety I still had to calm down so that I could sleep.

Antonio had come in late, a bag of groceries in each arm. He'd gone out to the city, the stores of Bear Valley, while adequate, did not carry what he was looking for; a slightly more exotic selection of fresh vegetables. Because even if Jeremy had warned him off holding a proper celebration for Elena's anniversary, it didn't mean he had to listen to him. He figured he'd stop by Jeremy's study, it was normally where you could find the man in the evenings, often late into the night. Jeremy had promised he would ask Elena how she felt about celebrating and Antonio was curious how that conversation had gone. He left the groceries in the kitchen, intending to return to put them away after seeing Jeremy and perhaps sharing a glass of good scotch. The door was slightly ajar but Antonio couldn't hear anything inside so he pushed the door open. The room was empty, but he couldn't miss Jeremy's discarded vest and what looked suspiciously like one of Elena's tank tops tossed over it. He smiled.

"Finally." He whispered to himself, and returned to the kitchen to pour a solo drink and toast the friends he hoped were out for a good run, or up for a good run. Antonio hadn't felt so happy in a long while.

When I woke up in the morning I was a little confused as to where I was as I opened my eyes. For a year I had opened them to gauzy white curtains and daylight reflecting off pale furniture and pinewood floors. (As long as you didn't count the few days I had been restrained in the basement before that first change.) But Jeremy's room was darker, not just in regards to the sunlight, but the furnishings, so many pieces in dark woods like ebony and oak. He'd left the curtains closed to the outside, to let me sleep late it seemed, though he himself was nowhere to be seen, or heard. Looking around I saw a small pile at the foot of the bed, a folded shirt I recognized from my drawer, and pair of yoga pants under that, and, as it turned out, undergarments as well, along with a fluffy white towel big enough for two, even though my shower was taken alone. I washed, dressed, slipped out of Jeremy's room after making up the bed, and stopped into my own room to finish my morning rituals of tying back my hair and putting on some makeup. Looking at myself in the mirror I searched for some kind of change in my face; and found nothing, except for the turned up corners of my mouth when I thought of the previous night, and the risk I had taken and how things had come of it. There were a few questions in my mind, but also a lightness of heart, like I might be home.

The smile still on my face I went in search of breakfast, the smell of it wafting up the stairs. Jeremy was in the kitchen; he generally did take charge of breakfast. I was happy to find him alone.

"Hi." I offered in a shy way, afraid that someone might interrupt us.

"Good morning." He said, smiling at me. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby." I said, coming over to take a plate from the pile on the sideboard.

"Good."

"So," I asked the big question, "what do we do now?" I started piling bacon onto my plate as a bit of a distraction against what his answer might be.

"About the others?" Jeremy came to stand beside me, a little closer than he normally would. That made me happy. We kept our voices low.

"Yes, how do we go about things now?"

"Well, we have to be mindful of them, I don't want to make them uncomfortable in their own home. I'm certain they'll figure out that we are a couple. Are we a couple Elena?"

"We are a couple." I brushed my hand alongside his.

"But we have to be careful." He took my plate from my grip and set it back on the sideboard. "I can't just pick you up and make love to you on the kitchen table here." He said in a very quiet voice. Then he whispered into my ear. "Not that I don't want to."

I'm certain I turned a shade of wholly unnatural pink. I had never heard Jeremy speak in such a manner before.

"Discretion. Especially amongst visitors." He kissed me quickly on the cheek and pulled away, picking up a plate of his own. "I won't give anyone else an opportunity to hurt you to get to me."

"They have to get to me first."

"And I know that would be a very difficult task."

"What would be a difficult task?" Nick turned the corner, yanking a long sleeve Henley shirt over his head as he did.

"Apparently having you dress for dinner." Antonio was only steps behind his son and clapped him on the shoulder as he passed. "Good Morning Jeremy, Elena." He seemed to look us up and down for a little longer than normal and I began to wonder about that. He grabbed up a plate and began stacking it with pancakes, a grin on his face that matched his son's. I looked them all over as they sat themselves around the table from a vantage point nearest the coffee. These men, Antonio, Nick, Logan and Pete (who had joined the meal shortly after the Sorrentinos), and Jeremy were my family, a gift I had not initially wanted, but right then, one I could not imagine living without. I put two pots of coffee down on the table and then joined them.

"So Elena, are we going to have a party tonight?" Antonio asked me in front of everyone.

"Now Dad, don't put Elena on the spot there." Nick jumped to my rescue. He might be a playboy, ready to proposition me or pull me into his lap to tease me, and just as ready to defend me. I put my hand on his arm

"I think that would be nice Antonio."

"So I have your permission?"

"Yes."

"Then all of you finish up and get out of my kitchen, I have work to do." Antonio staked his claim and I was happy to leave him to it. In fact, I was just happy.

Taking a cup of coffee into the living room I curled up in a chair, bringing my feet underneath me, wrapping my hands around the warm mug, feeling cozy even in the large expanse. Closing my eyes for a little while (not that I was tired), I replayed the feelings and visions of the past night, delighting myself with the little shivers and chills that ran through my chest as I did. I could hear Jeremy in his office, speaking with Pete, and not that I intended to eavesdrop, the enhanced hearing made it impossible not to. Pete was talking about heading back out on tour, he was a popular choice for many well known bands, and high on their list of must haves when they went out on the road. It all seemed so benign just then, a peace that was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

Now you have to understand that Stonehaven is not an urban property, it isn't even a suburban property, it is well out of town, down a country road, gated, with a long, winding lane. We don't get Girl Scouts or folks trying to convert our religion, ever. For that reason a knock on the door is out of the ordinary, and rarely means something good. I stood up, just a little apprehensive, and went to see who was there. I was not the only one curious, but I made it to the foyer first.

Opening the door I was confronted by a bouquet of roses.

"Happy Anniversary Darlin'."