Prologue

I'm not like another girl; you can try and find me. I'm nowhere. I'm hidden away from people like you, people who want to find out truth because this truth you'll never find. It destroyed me, stopped me from being who I was, stopped my hearts purpose and therefore paused me altogether. Paused, a clock with n67o time to record, an unfinished song whispering in my ears, a fate killing anyone you know, but not him. It did far more than kill him.

There are no ashes to be left of what once remained, no height of what used to stand so tall, no feeling running through his veins, no emotion just an empty hole of never-ending darkness. Pure black continues indefinitely. Nothing is left of what used to be, the colour that filled our hearts.

I used to be told of fates, people being bought together in love affairs for the most part, ending in blood. People being pulled into the past, the future being snatched from their grasp and the moment they live in fading rapidly, but not once disappearing completely. So many people dragged towards their death without realising, the happiness was just an illusion. Every part fake, yet every time was completely unique, apart from this feeling, this touch. The touch of a murderer.

A single touch could change you forever the prophets told, yet only one would find the answer, the key. This would unlock your soul, allow you to see inside, not at organs or any type of human feature but the true meaning of your bitter memories, what is supposed to be hidden, uncovered for the very first time. It sounds wonderful, doesn't it? However it came with a warning, a warning deeper than the meaning of the soul itself. Those who chose to ignore it would perish; suffer an eternal blackness of the soul, so now I ask this question, the answer unthinkable, why not me?

It destroyed him, everyone I knew and loved. All I had wanted turned against me in a vicious twist of fate. Now all I have is this picture of a place, where freedom never ends, the river carrying the purity of what life should've been and the brightest stars carrying 000hope, returning to listen to my questions and hopes of the past.

So now I think back, so much has changed, if only it could be the way it was before, like nothing bad could happen to me. I was in his arms, where I would be held safe forever. Nothing could bring me down. Just another illusion created by this untold murder, that others have feared to explain, possessed by a thought that nothing could or would change the inevitable future, until now.

Eyes Meet

I don't know what first caught my attention. Whether it was from the way he would move, every stride was so even or the way you would act like nothing really mattered but now, so flawless. Something stood out. In a world full of darkness, there was a glimmer of light. A shooting star I could wish upon, instead of the endless planes crossing the night sky, making their way for a different kind of war. A war that could not be fought by soldiers or warriors, number irrelevant to any sort of ending, weapons would make things worse or destroy hope, there was only one true survivor in this place we call a battlefield. This was love.

People don't talk about this, not anymore. Reminders are everywhere, haunting the pure existence of human life. Mirrors containing lost or trapped souls, unable to escape, the real horror of what lies within.

No one could have prevented this, stopped what fate had planned out for us they told me. However I know different. Just imagine If we had of met at another time, another place. Then I would be there, with him, the prince charming out of my faded and long lost fairy tale dreams. But it was the wrong time, wrong place and far too late. I was deadly ill.

It was him who first dared to face truth. Something deeper than anyone else would care to do, I did not belong. I aged too fast, became attached too quickly, learnt to depend on others and for the worst part, only to be dropped back into my black hole from which I had evolved. My own precious memory, hanging by a thread, waiting for something much stronger to come and for a while, he was that rope. That comfort I had, the net to catch me if I fell, the grip that would never let go.

Thick dust was covering the depth of time, nothing light enough to recover what had been left behind, at a time when people were looking, searching for something heavy enough to cover this endless sorrow. But you and I both know, don't we? Nothing can hide, what is real or true, only false illusions can be covered by a selfless mask painted with a faded sun.

So I will go on, what should be left untold, told. The music that should be left silent, heard. The only human being, who made me feel so, so far away, dying. Only one thing is the cause of this, this ending, something no one would have noticed nor believed.

My eyes were locked, him holding the only key but never thinking it use it and often, never caring to notice it was there at all. From across our shabby old school grounds I would see him looking my way, his eyes would remind me of some kind of prince I would read about when I was little. They'd amaze me. Inside of them I could see the truth, that warmness of his soul he would try to hide, yet it's all I could see. I began to watch him walking towards others, girls I recognise but couldn't name; he walked so perfectly, every stride so slight, so even. I would hear him laughing, joking, the noise singing in my ears. He looked so happy, so flawless, the kind of flawless I wish I could've been. I say these as they can be no more, at least not like they were. We were young, opposites, and completely attracted. Like a magnet unable to repel. We were far too foolish and far, far too late, the light would soon fade.

In a sense I got to know him, like he never knew me. Him never noticing the passion I withheld so often. He was easy yet never simple. The complexities were never-ending, to anyone else they would have been a mystery, but to me, it was a puzzle far from unsolved. I had been there done that and got far more than what I was looking for, a simple t-shirt. In this case however, it was an eternity, an eternity of love, passion and life. I could say I was hard-done-by but truth is I wasn't. I have an existence as far from life as you can imagine, the love, the passion however is a very different story.

People can die never knowing people loved them, never been caressed by a lovers hand, never feeling the touch of this beautiful disaster.