Starting Over One Last Time Chapter 1, a rookie blue fanfic

Picks up after Sam says, "I'll be at the Penny" before he starts to walk away ...

"What'd you do?"

Both Sam and Andy turn at the sound of Sam's sister Sarah's voice.

"Sarah ..."

"Uh, Sis, this isn't a good time ..."

"Why? Because you don't want your sister calling you an idiot in front of your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend," Andy said quietly.

Sarah couldn't believe her ears. "What'd you say?"

Sam shifted uncomfortably when his sister turned her attention to him. "Is this some kind of joke? Because Sammy, it's not funny."

"No joke, Sis."

"Somebody want to start talking and tell me what the hell happened?!"

Sarah listened as - both at the same time - Sam and Andy told her their view of the events of the past 6 weeks - including the scene she had walked in on.

"He tells you he loves you and you tell him you don't care anymore? I'll beat the sense into you myself!" Sarah said frustrated.

"Not on my watch, you won't," her brother replied.

Sarah smiled at her brother's protectiveness of Andy

"Sammy, I love you, but I think Andy and I need to talk," when Sam would've objected, Sarah added firmly, "alone."

Sam reached out to his sister, "Sarah ..."

Sarah turned back to her brother. "Do you trust me?"

Sam smiled as he looked from his sister to Andy and back before answering, "There's one person I trust with my life besides McNally and that's you, and you know it."

Sarah squeezed her brother's hand before turning back to Andy. "There somewhere we can talk?"

Sam watched the two most important people in his life walk back through the station.

Andy leaned against the desk. "Did he just say he trusts me with his life?"

Sarah stared at Andy, "You're his partner, of course he trusts you ..."

"His partner," Andy repeated.

Sarah looked at her brother's girlfriend incredulously. Did she really think Sam only thought of her as his partner at work?!

Which led to another question, which she voiced - "I thought he told you how he felt?"

"Uh, yeah, he told me today ... while I was holding a grenade."

Sarah shook her head. "Leave it to my brother to wait for the worst possible moment."

"You mean he meant it?"

Sarah sighed. Oh Andrea.

"As much time as you spend with my brother I would've thought you'd know him well enough to know that's not something he takes lightly or just throws around."

"Considering the way he's treated me for the last six weeks how was I supposed to know it wasn't said in the heat of the moment to take my mind off the bomb in my hands?!"

"He could've told a bad joke if that was all he was trying to do, and I think you know that."

"What I know is these last six weeks have been hell on earth without him. What I know is he shut me out. What I know is he promised I'd never get rid of him without a fight, but he left me!" Andy's voice broke.

Sarah's heart went out to the woman in front of her.

"Listen, Andy, I know my brother's not always the easiest guy to be involved with, but believe me when I say I've never seen him the way he is with you; I know that doesn't make up for the last six weeks , but my brother's never had anyone he was afraid to lose before."

Andy just stared at the woman who knew Sam better than anyone.

"He's got a helluva way to show it."

"It was easier to push you away than admit the idea of you being in Traci's shoes terrifies him,"

"Nothing terrifies Sam."

"Are you really that blinded by hurt? Or do you just refuse to see it?" Sarah asked on a frustrated sigh.

"Huh?"

Sarah pulled a chair up in front of Andy, who was now sitting on the edge of the desk.

Putting her hand on Andy's knee, Sarah looked at the woman her brother had fallen in love with.

"You're right. Not many things scare my brother - losing you does. Hell, you think it hurt you when he walked away, what do you think it did to him?"

"I don't know what it did to him, because until I was holding that bomb he wouldn't talk to me!" Andy yelled.

"Y'know, you're almost, almost as stubborn as he is."

"Excuse me?"

"Great trait for a cop, maddening as hell for the people in your personal life," Sarah went on as if Andy hadn't spoken.

"You can talk without talking on the job but when you're off the clock you don't know enough to talk!"

Sarah got up, pacing. "God, how do you put up with each other?"

When Andy would've defended their relationship Sarah said, "Don't bother, it was a rhetorical question," shaking her head in frustration that things had gotten so bad, so fast.

Looking out the window, Sarah saw Sam watching them, gave her brother a small smile and silently wondered, How the hell do I fix this?

Turning back to Andy, Sarah sighed as she leaned against the desk.

"He called me that night," she said gently.

"What night?" Andy asked.

"Six weeks ago. At first I thought he was just wasting long distance because he didn't talk, just when I was about to hang up thinking he was gone, " Sarah smiled sadly, "he spoke. Brilliant conversationalist that my brother is, he didn't give me details; I just knew it wasn't good, but I had no idea what happened, I just knew it totally gutted him."

"From day one, I always thought he was the one person who'd never leave me," Andy whispered, through tears. "Both in uniform and out of it … guess I was wrong."

Andy's tear-stained confession tugged at Sarah's heart.

"You weren't wrong, Andy," Sarah said gently.

"How can you say that after everything that's happened?!"

"Were you not there when my brother covered your hands with his?! Or did that minor detail skip your notice? Whether you want to acknowledge today or not, he was there when it mattered. He did not let you go through that alone." Sarah shouted.

Before Andy could respond there was a knock at the door.

Sam took in Andy's tear stained face before leveling his sister with a look.

"Ok, Sis, I think you've done enough damage ..."

"Damage? I'm trying to fix the damage ..."

"That's enough, both of you." Andy couldn't take their arguing anymore.

Sam was taken aback. Usually when Andy was pissed at him there was fire in her eyes and acid in her tone; that sounded broken, tired ... lifeless. It broke Sam's heart to know he was the cause of any kind of pain Andy felt.

When Andy didn't get up to slam the door in his face Sam took a gamble and stepped into the room, closing the door behind himself to lean against it.

"I don't remember invitin' you to this little party, little brother."

"Guess it's a good thing I didn't wait for one then, isn't it?"

Sarah leveled her brother with what rookies and veterans alike would call the patent Swarek glare, a look that said don't screw with me!

Too bad for Sarah, it had absolutely no affect on Sam.

Pulling away from the door, Sam moved to stand in front of Andy. Never taking his eyes off her, Sam quietly but in what Andy would describe as his Training Officer tone, said, "Sarah, out."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me … out."

When Sarah didn't move, Sam inclined his head towards the door and gave her a gentle shove in its direction.

But Sarah wasn't taking the hint.

Finally Sam got fed up with his sister's utter refusal to leave on her own and escorted her to the door. Once the door was shut firmly behind his sister, Sam reached first for the lock, followed by the cord for the blind effectively shutting out everything and everyone but the two of them.

Andy sat silently, staring at the floor as Sam gently, but forcefully removed his sister.

Walking back to the desk Sam couldn't keep himself from wondering what had been said.

The girl who was allergic to silence had yet to look at or speak to him. Placing his hands on both sides of her hips, Sam whispered her name.

When she refused to look up, Sam reached up and raised her chin. The dampness that met his touch broke his heart.

She sat quieter than a church mouse - a detail that did not escape Sam, only this time, as hard as he tried, he couldn't read her mind to know what she was thinking and that unnerved him.

She over thought everything, well, except her feelings for him, when it came to him she followed her heart … no matter where it led - including undercover.

He just hoped her heart was still his, that what she'd said about not caring anymore wasn't true. And he knew her well enough to know it wasn't. If she didn't give a damn she wouldn't cry, which she had, which she still was.

The knowledge that he could be the cause of so much pain for the woman he adored went down hard, but he was determined all the pain stopped now - the pain he caused anyway.

He couldn't take her tears, the more he wiped away the more that fell, so he did the one thing he could - he took her in his arms and held her as she cried.

There wasn't usually music playing in the station so he was a little surprised when he heard -

When you try not to look at me
Scared that I'll see you hurting
You're not hiding anything, no
And frankly it's got me worried
Nobody knows you better than I do
I keep my promises, I'm fighting for you

You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, with you

I'm not going any place
I just hate to see you like this
No, I can't make it go away
Oh, but keeping it inside won't fix it
I can't give you every answer that you need
But I wanna hear everything you wanna tell me

You need love tough enough to count on
So here I am

Sam didn't think he'd ever heard a song that was truer in that moment. He'd have to find out who it was and the title because he needed that song when she cried.

Andy wrapped her arms around Sam as he held her, finally feeling safe after the day's 'up close and personal' encounter with a grenade. She still had to process everything he told her - both at the scene and in the locker room. Then there was Sarah's lecture. She wasn't sure she could deal with it all tonight, but at least for this moment in time, Sam's arms were around her and she was ok.

Andy cried until Sam's T-shirt was wet and there were no more tears to cry. When Sam tried to pull back to look at her, Andy's arms tightened . Sam simply rested his cheek against her temple and whispered, "Talk to me."

Andy inhaled a calming breath, filled with Sam's scent. She didn't want to fight, it felt too good to be in his arms again.

As much as Sam didn't want to fight with her, Sam knew it was probably gonna happen, probably needed to happen for them to get passed this. He stood there with her in his arms for a few more minutes before pulling back despite her objections. Framing her face with his hands, Sam gently kissed her once before bracing his hands on either side of her hips again and resting his forehead against hers.

"Talk to me."

"Do we have to do this now?"

"We can do it here or we can do it at home, but we are going to talk."

One word caught Andy's attention - home. He didn't say 'my place' or 'your place' he said 'home.'

"What about Sarah?"

"You wanna talk to my sister?" Sam feigned hurt.

Andy hit his chest. "No, you jackass …"

Sam laughed. Kissing her cheek he replied "She's not an issue. Now you gonna talk to me?"

Andy dropped her head on his chest and answered gently, "Not here."

Sam stepped back as she jumped off the desk, opening the blind and unlocking the door. He held the door open as they left the office. Sarah jumped up the instant she saw them, but didn't get a chance to say anything because the moment he saw his sister, all Sam said was, "No."