Years had passed by since their adventure had ended, and now Bilbo was back at the shire, sitting on his armchair, with a book on his lap, a piece of bread on his hands and a smoke pipe in his mouth. He watched the outside of his cozy hobbit hole through one of the small windows, the night sky filled with stars as the fire warmed up the winter night.
He wondered in silence if Thranduil was watching the stars now, or if the dwarfs were eating a huge dinner, or if Gandalf was in the middle of one of his travels, sitting next to a fire and relaxing as he smoked. A light chuckle left his mouth as he shook his head and looked back down. The wizard was right. He wasn't the same. He never would be. He had changed, and he wasn't sure if he changed for better or worst.
Most of his neighbors would say for worst. He had transformed the Baggins into the Tooks in a few months. It was his father's fault, marrying a Took.
Bilbo chuckled again, but this time it was sad, weak.
The thing was that, even after those months of hunger, fears, sickness and dangers, he had never felt worst than he felt all those years after. All those years since he had returned to the shire, he had wished he had stayed in the Lonely Mountain. Well, until Frodo, at least. Frodo, his nephew, brought a bit of happiness to his lonely life.
He understood Thorin, Fili and Kili a bit better after that.
Remembering the three hurt the most, if he was honest with himself. He had grown too close to that company of dwarfs, closer than he ever imagined he could, and the Durin heirs had won a special place in his heart. Fili and Kili had grown to be almost as special as Frodo, and Thorin...
Well, Thorin was something else entirely, something he didn't dare discuss or even acknowledge. Bilbo's heart belonged to the dwarf, to the King under the mountain, but Thorin's belonged to his people, and whoever he would eventually wed.
There were several reasons for Bilbo to return. The first was that he still thought, even after that huge adventure, that Bag-End was his home, and he was right in parts, when he thought about what would have happened to Frodo if he had never returned. The second was his unconditional and useless love for Thorin Oakenshield. They would never be together. It would simply never work. Bilbo was no king. He wouldn't be good enough to rule a mountain, and a people that he didn't even know.
In the end, it was better for all of them that one night, he grabbed all his stuff and left. He didn't say goodbye, he didn't warn anyone. He grabbed a bit of gold, enough for a trip back, and left through the usual commercial routes. He had no hurries. He didn't have to reach the Shire for Durin's day or anything alike.
It had been selfish, but after all, the dwarfs had said 'do not worry, Bilbo. Whenever you go, you can be sure we will visit. And if you stay, you can be sure you will be welcomed'. And yet, after all those years, they had never arrived. Not even one letter. And Bilbo had learned how to handle the pain, even if he did feel extremely betrayed for the first years or so.
Now, he had gotten used to the pain.
"Uncle!" he heard a loud, happy voice reach his years. He opened his eyes, only to see the seven-year-old running to him. "Sam's mom is here! I'm going over to her house! Bye!"
"Goodbye, my boy" Bilbo said, smiling to Frodo and kissing his head. "Don't forget your things, and behave" he added, and Frodo nodded, a wide smile on his face.
"I will uncle! Bye!" he yelled, and then ran through the door, closing it behind himself and rushing to Sam. Bilbo watched him through the window and smiled once more, honestly content. His boy was growing to be a great Baggins. His parents would have been proud.
After Frodo's departure, Bilbo organized the house, not having anything better to do anyway. He cleaned the dishes, swiped the floor, cleaned the smoke pipe, organized his books, and so forth. As he stared at his filled pantry, he wished, not for the first time, that it was empty, and that he was once again listening to those irritable songs and loud yells.
And then, there was a knock on his door.
Bilbo frowned. Had Frodo forgotten something? He cleaned the dust from his clothes and walked to the round door, opening it up only to receive a green ring of smoke on his face. He coughed loudly and looked around, seeing a line of rings of smoke leading him out of his house.
Gandalf, perhaps? Who else could make such wonderful rings of smoke? Bilbo chuckled and shook his head. Gandalf had visited a few times since the end of their adventure, and the hobbit thanked him a lot for it. With a smirk, Bilbo closed the door behind him and followed those rings of smoke all the way down the valley. What surprise Gandalf had planned?
Without hesitation, Bilbo followed the rings out of the Shire walls, and into the small forest around it. As he walked, he remembered doing the same way to find the dwarfs after they had left his house in search of their mountain. It didn't take long for Bilbo to stop, the rings disappearing, and giving place to a camp fire in the middle of the trees, with food and drinks all around, but with no living soul close by. Then, from the trees, Gandalf appeared, smoking and looking up at the stars.
"It is a wonderful night for a picnic, don't you think, Mr. Baggins?" the wizard asked, sitting on a piece of wood and nodding for Bilbo to do the same. And so he did, smiling to Gandalf and nodding slowly.
"Indeed. But there was no need for so much food" he said, looking around at the meat, bread and cake that were served around the fire. Gandalf gave him a surprised look, and then chuckled.
"I thought you knew how well the dwarfs like to feed after a long journey, Bilbo Baggins" he said, and Bilbo froze at those words. He looked around and suddenly, from behind the trees, the dwarfs started to appear, smiling with joy and happiness. The first ones to approach were Fili and Kili, the two youngsters yelling in joy and hugging Bilbo from both sides.
"Master Baggins!" the two yelled, hugging him so tight he felt like he would explode. "We missed you so much!"
"Why did you run away?" Kili asked.
"Why did you leave?" Fili said right next to his brother.
"Why did you leave us there?"
"Without saying goodbye?"
"Boys, boys! Let him breathe!" Balin said, pulling both princes by their ears before smiling at Bilbo, who was still frozen, not knowing what to say or do. "Mr. Baggins. A long time has passed, and yet here we are. Meeting once more, just like we did once"
"What are you doing here?" the hobbit asked as he saw Dwalin, Nori, Ori, Dori, Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, Oin, and Gloin coming closer to the fire. Even though they were older, they looked the same. It was easy to recognize every single one of them, even if the one that actually called his attention was Fili and how he really portrayed himself as a real prince now, probably following Thorin's steps very closely.
Thorin... He hadn't come out of the trees yet.
"We promised you, didn't we? That we would return and visit you if you came back to the shire? And here we are. At your service!" Kili said, bowing to Bilbo. He had also grown, even gotten taller, which wasn't all that good for dwarfs, but very good for elves, if Tauriel and he still talked at all.
"It took longer than expected, but here we are" Bofur, who had become very close to Bilbo during the trip, said, smiling widely and hugging the hobbit contently. Bilbo let finally a smile creep up on his face and he laughed, like he had laughed in years. The dwarfs followed, and so did Gandalf, all of them happy for being there. Bilbo's laughs suddenly became sobs, which worried the dwarfs deeply, and they gathered close as Gandalf simply smiled from a few feet away. "Bilbo?"
"I missed you" the hobbit mumbled, like a child would do, even if he was almost seventy now. Still the youngest of the company. The dwarfs cooed at that and all of them hugged him at the same time, letting him calm down in their arms.
"Don't worry laddy. We are here" Balin said, while Fili and Kili nodded, being the ones closer to Bilbo, hugging him tighter. After a few time hugging, however, they heard someone walking closer and moved away, standing behind Bilbo and staring ahead to the direction of the sound. When Bilbo finally cleaned his eyes and looked up, he was met with someone he never thought he would see again.
"So, there is our hobbit" Thorin said, smiling to Bilbo, in that superior, king like way that he had learned to love. The other dwarfs moved back as Thorin approached, while Bilbo stayed still, his eyes wide, he tears that had just been dried returning to his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Bilbo asked, in a whisper, and Thorin stopped in front of him, eyeing him up and down. Thorin was different. Oh so different. He seemed older now, much older, with a longer beard, and far more white hair in his head, and he seemed tired, but there was still that spark in his eyes that hadn't left since they started their journey. Determination, that was it. A young, brave, naive and too trustful determination that made Thorin be Thorin. No more, no less.
Bilbo thought that age had made the dwarf king good.
"We came to visit, just like we promised. Dwarfs usually keep their word, unless they are under a great and terrible spell" he said, smiling now in the most pure, gentle way Bilbo had ever seen since he had saved Thorin's life from Azog that night. Now, the dwarf came even closer, his hands on Bilbo's arms, their eyes fixed on one another. His voice was no more than a breath. "Why did you leave us? Why did you leave me?"
Somehow, the answer never came to Bilbo's mind. At least, not while Thorin was so close that Bilbo could feel his breath on his face, the warmth of his body on his skin. He felt so vulnerable, so open, and his eyes moved, for a split second, to Thorin's lips, before he looked back up and blushed deeply. It would be impossible for the dwarf not to notice, but Bilbo couldn't really move away. He had signed his death at that single moment of weakness.
Or that was what the hobbit thought, until he saw Thorin's eyes closing and then felt the sweet and soft touch of his lips against his own.
The kiss lasted less than a few seconds, because as it happened, Kili screamed and was soon followed by the others, making Thorin move away to shut them up with a glance while Bilbo was still frozen in place, eyes wide and mouth closed. He only relaxed when they touched their foreheads together, something he had learned that was very intimate in dwarf culture. Then, he let out a quiet sigh and closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry I left. I should have told you... I was afraid you would say no... And besides, I was never meant to rule, to live under a mountain as royalty" he muttered, shakily, and Thorin shook his head, squeezing Bilbo's arms gently.
"We would have found a way. We will find a way. I am sorry we took so long. We didn't know where you had gone, and there were so many things that needed to be organized so we could live in Erebor again. I had no time to wonder where you had left to. Not once in all these years I would have thought you would be back here. It was so unlike you, to return, after what had happened. You were so different. All of us thought you were off in new, different adventures, maybe living in Rivendell, as you had said you would. But the Shire..." he chuckled quietly, and Bilbo opened his eyes to see Thorin staring back at him. "You never fail to surprise me, Mr. Baggins"
"I thought you would never come. Not after all these years. Almost twenty years without hearing from you. Any of you. And now you are all here" he mumbled, moving away from Thorin and turning back to the rest of the company. All of them were smiling, and Bilbo smiled back. "Thank you"
"We thank you, Mr. Baggins" Bofur said, taking of his hat. "For without you, our quest would be in vain. We would have never made it"
"Now lets feast! I am starving!" Kili said, and all of the others yelled and turned to the fire behind them. Gandalf sat with them and told several stories as they got everything ready, always keeping an eye on Bilbo and Thorin, who quietly moved away from the group to talk in private.
"So..." Bilbo started, his cheeks lightly colored. He could still feel the light touch of Thorin's lips onto his. The dwarf chuckled deeply next to the hobbit, stopping by some trees that grew slightly closer to each other and leaned against one of them while Bilbo stared at him.
"You haven't answered my question. Why did you leave?" he asked, and Bilbo took a deep breath, looking at the ground.
"First of all, I thought that the Bag-End was still my home, even after all those months. And also because I thought that the object of my affections didn't return my feelings" he said, shrugging and then looking up at Thorin. "It would hurt too much, to watch the king marrying anyone else"
Surely Thorin had not expected he would be so blunt and direct about it, because his eyes widened and he stood there, speechless, for a minute or two. Then, his lips formed a smile and he lowed his head, looking amused.
"The king wouldn't marry anyone else, Mr. Baggins" he said, and then looked up again. Bilbo felt his cheeks burning, just like his heart. "I was blind. Fili and Kili warned me. They told me that I should talk to you about these matters, but I did not have the courage, or the time. I worried so much about my people that my heart was forgotten, for a while. After you left, however, things changed, and I honestly couldn't stop thinking about you" he said, and even though the hobbit was very happy to hear those words, part of him said it would never work.
"You shouldn't have come" he said, taking Thorin by surprise. "None of you. I was fine on my own. I was learning how to say goodbye. And now I will have to learn again"
"You can still come with us. You are welcome in our kingdom" the dwarf king assured, but the hobbit had now other reason not to leave the Shire, and that reason screamed louder than anything else.
"I cannot. You have your kin, and now I have mine" he said, and he saw the despair passing through Thorin's eyes. He had made the wrong judgment. "I am not married, nor I have children of my own. However, a cousin of mine had a son and soon after both parents died. He is mine now, like my son, and I need to take care of him. I can no longer leave the Shire whenever I please"
"Bring him with you" Thorin said, after the shock of thinking Bilbo had married passed away. "We have a place for him there. Both of you would be welcome"
"Thorin. He needs to grow up between his own, as a hobbit. I cannot take away his childhood like that. I cannot leave the shire until he is old enough to know what it means to live alone, and among his equals" he said, and he saw that, deep inside, Thorin agreed. However, the king under the mountain would not give up so easily.
"Let me talk to him. Ask him if he wishes to come" he said, and Bilbo chuckled quietly. He was, indeed, desperate.
"Thorin. Go back to your mountain. Go back to your people. Go back to your home. I will stay here, where I belong. And sometimes, perhaps, every fifteen years or so, you can come and visit. I learned how to live without you, and you have probably done the same"
Thorin stayed quiet for a while, and then moved closer to Bilbo, one hand on his arm, the other behind his neck. They touched foreheads again, and this time Bilbo held each of Thorin's arms with one of his hands. Their touch was so intense, and so innocent at the same time. They needed each other, but both had duties, and duties that could not easily be dismissed.
"I will wait for you, if you change your mind. I will visit whenever I can. I will keep my ravens around you. I will send you letters" the king assured, and Bilbo just smiled, nodding at every phrase.
"And I will answer all of them. But for now, lets rejoice and feast" the hobbit mumbled, even though neither of them really seemed like they wanted to move away. Thorin nodded, but didn't move, and there they stayed, enjoying each other's company until the sun rose, and all the others had already eaten and slept.
And Gandalf spent the night watching over the two lovers, wishing that destiny could have mercy on their souls.