Name: Alexandre Enjolras
Nickname: Enjy
Age: 22
Hair: Blond
Eyes: Blue
Height: 6'1''
Turn-ons: Revolution, social justice, history, politics, law, debate
Turn-offs: Inequality, plutocracy, inaction, imperialism, "tradition"
Description: I am a lonely law student who needs someone to tame my passionate fire. I'm looking for someone who is intelligent, educated, opinionated, and socially active. My friends would describe me as driven, erudite, and
"Hey, 'Ferre, how's it hanging?"
Combeferre immediately slammed his laptop shut and looked up at his roommate nervously. His wide, bespectacled brown eyes met Enjolras' icy blue ones, and there was a moment of awkward silence between the best friends.
Enjolras' hair was straggled from a long day, and his eyes were bloodshot and slightly glazed. His seeming health was an illusion, and a very precarious one, for he stayed up nights and ate mainly on the run. All his friends worried greatly about him, and none more than Combeferre.
"What are you doing?" Enjolras asked suspiciously.
"Nothing," Combeferre said hastily, a bit too loudly. Then he sneaked a quick glance at the screen. "Dammit, did it save- "
"Did what save?" Enjolras folded his arms crossly.
"None of your business," Combeferre told him defensively. "It's my laptop, I have the right to do what I want with it."
"'Ferre, you are the worst liar in the world. Whatever you were doing definitely had something to do with me. Now tell me what it is."
"It's fine," said Combeferre softly. "Everything's fine. No big deal."
"Do I have to call in the RA? Because I will if you don't tell me what's going on."
"Oh, all right," Combeferre grumbled. He opened the laptop and put it back on the desk for Enjolras to see.
"A dating website?" Enjolras remarked incredulously. "'Ferre, are you finally putting yourself out there? No wonder you were embarrassed! And I thought you were too busy and wanted to hold off on getting a girlfriend until you got your master's- wait a minute, this page has my name on it."
"That's right," said Combeferre angrily. "See why I didn't want you to find out?" He leaned back and stretched his arm across the chair's back. "'Jolras, these sites are the way of the future. It was going to happen eventually, so it might as well be now. Personally, I think you should welcome it gladly with courage and cheer."
"'Ferre, I can't believe you would go behind my back like this," Enjolras said, sounding as hurt and betrayed as he felt. "Why on earth would you put me on ?"
"As a birthday present," said Combeferre weakly. "Happy birthday!"
"My birthday's not for another two months!" Enjolras exclaimed. "You thought I wouldn't find out? Surely you knew better than that!" He sounded like a frustrated parent.
"I know, and I'm sorry," said Combeferre. "I'll never do anything like this again. It's just that- I knew you were lonely, and I thought that maybe if you had a bit of romance in your life, that you'd feel better and stop being so angry all the time. All that stress- it's not good for you. How about this: I'll delete it right now, no one will know, and we can just pretend this never happened and go back to being besties. We cool?"
Enjolras narrowed his eyes. "We're cool," he said slowly, "if you let me read the profile."
"Enj, we've been over this. I won't post it, no one will see it. What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is, I want to know how you think to describe me to potential partners. What's more, I think I have a right to know. So if you don't want to get suspended, I suggest you open that laptop right back up and show it to me."
"Here," said Combeferre, shoving the laptop in Enjolras' direction. "Read."
Enjolras began to read aloud, muttering under his breath, his fingers lightly gracing the keypad. Within two seconds he had raised his eyebrows.
"'Nickname- Enjy'? Who calls me Enjy? I thought only you were allowed to call me that."
"Well, when you find that special someone, you want to be on a level of intimacy, don't you?"
"No, I really don't," Enjolras said irritably. "I swear, this is the most egregious invasion of my privacy since- hey, why did you choose that profile picture? That was at a pool party from freshman year."
"You looked sexy," said Combeferre with a wild shrug. "You were smiling, wearing shades, got a good view of your rippling abs- it makes you look like a party animal."
"Combeferre," said Enjolras seriously, "I am just about the farthest thing from a party animal."
"It's not about what you are, it's about how you present yourself," said Combeferre. "When they read your profile page, they'll know that you're a serious guy, but that you can also cut loose and have fun. Plus, it was at a great angle, with the perfect amount of light. I'm proud of that pic, so I decided I'd show off a little. Maybe even get a job as a photographer."
"I seem to recall that you have about two dozen pictures of me on your phone at protests and rallies," said Enjolras through gritted teeth.
"Yeah, but none of them are just you," Combeferre pointd out. "Usually one of our friends or some random stranger walks right into the shot at the last possible second."
"By the way," said Enjolras, leaning in closer, "did you put me down as 'Male Seeking Female' or 'Male Seeking Male'?"
"Well, I wasn't sure, so I- "
Enjolras swallowed hard. "I see."
"Should I have- "
"No, Combeferre, you shouldn't have. But at least I got here just in time to prevent you from doing something drastic." Then he read aloud, "My friends would describe me as driven, erudite, and- what?"
"Well, that was when you walked in."
"Finish it. I want to watch you finish it."
Combeferre narrowed his eyes at his friend, then finished the sentence with the words "impossibly stubborn".
Enjolras rolled his eyes and took a step back. "Well, I suppose I had that coming."
"So now you've seen it," said Combeferre. "I'm going to delete it now. See? Watch me delete it."
"Wait," said Enjolras, holding up a hand. "Maybe...don't."
Combeferre smiled. "I'm flattered. I didn't think anyone or anything could make the marble man decide to take a chance on love."
"No," said Enjolras, blushing. "I'm flattered. Just let me make a few changes first."
Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, used any online dating service. This fic is based purely on the stereotypes about them. Also note the inclusion of the line from "Red and Black".