I DON'T LIKE HIM!

A Yotsuba&! Fanfiction

by Michael Hopcroft

Disclaimer: I do not own Yotsuba&!. That singular honor belongs to Kiyohiko Azuma, his representatives, and ADV Manga. I am borrowing the characters in the Great Doujin Spirit (though I'm not being too naughty THIS time….)

"You must really like Mr. Koiwai." Although this was not the first time Fuuka Ayase had heard that phrase from the mouth of her sister Asagi, and she was sure it would not be the last, it still annoyed her. This was, of course, the very effect Asagi must have been aiming for.

"Shut up. I don't like him. I don't like him at all."

"Oh, really? And did I not see you taking his laundry in again before the rainstorm today? Explain that." Asagi, chuckling, grabbed for the Popsicle Fuuka had taken out of the freezer.

She did not get the Popsicle, as Fuuka had deftly snatched it away at the last moment. "I would not be interested in a man who is too absent-minded to realize he'd left out his laundry for two days. Unlike certain other girls in this house, I have standards."

"Standards, eh?" Asagi said teasingly, as she made a grab for the Popsicle again.

"Get your own!" Fuuka replied. "There are plenty in the freezer." She then began to suck on the Popsicle. Asagi relented and took out a Popsicle of her own, and sucked on it as well. Fuuka soon noticed that Asagi was eating her Popsicle in a rather suggestive way. "Cut that out!" she cried. "Eat it normally."

"This is normal."

"Not for popsicles."

"And you came to that idea how, exactly? Besides, that's how you're eating yours."

"Wha?" In annoyance, Fuuka bit clean through the popsicle and swallowed the top.

"That's gotta hurt."

"Pervert..." Fuuka turned away from her sister in what she hoped would indicate disgust. "I'm going outside."

"I think the lock on the Koiwai's front gate needs mending." Asagi said. "Maybe you could convince him to…."

"Why should I care about his front gate?"

"Why did you care about his laundry?"

"I don't."

"And yet you took it in for him, without him even asking." Asagi waved her mostly-intact Popsicle under Fuuka's nose to emphasize her point. "Now why did you do that for a man you keep on saying you don't like."

"You think I want Yotsuba running around in dirty clothes because all her clean ones were caught in a rainstorm? Who do you think I am, Asagi?"

"Oh, so Yotsuba asked you to take in –"

"She didn't! She doesn't even notice things like that unless I point them out to her! Neither she or her father bothered to open that package either!"

"Package?" Asagi chuckled. "They got a package?"

"Yeah, and I had to sign for it too because Yotsuba doesn't know how and Mr. Koiwai was too wrapped up in his work to even hear the doorbell."

"And you were there because…."

"Because I was taking in his laundry! Why do you think?"

Asagi smiled wickedly. "Which included…?"

"Boxers. He wears boxers."

"Boxers?"

"Yes, boxers. It is so damn difficult to get that man to put trousers on."

"Put trousers on? You mean –"

"Oh, never mind. With your mind in the gutter you won't understand."

"The gutter is fun sometimes, you know. You should pay it a visit. Now, the package…"

"It was from one of the kindergartens. I think it was Yotsuba's uniform for when she starts going to school. I don't think she'll even know how to put it on. And what am I going to do when that happens?"

"Why do anything?"

"Because somebody has to. Somebody has to –"

"Somebody like her mother."

Fuuka shrugged sadly. "Yeah, like her mother."

"Which she doesn't have."

Fuuka nodded. "Right."

"Who isn't you." Asagi's tone was different now, not quite teasing.

"Yeah, it isn't me. I know that."

"Yotsuba's not your child, Fuuka. And she's not your little sister either. When it comes right down to it, she's the kid next door who always gets in our hair. Not that I mind it, but she's not family. She's only been around a few weeks, you know."

"Yeah, I know, even if she doesn't. But she needs someone."

"Besides Mr. Koiwai?"

"No, not besides Mr. Koiwai. But, --"

Asagi backed off with the confidence of someone who had just scored match point, before the opponent had even known the game had begun. "Do you know of any other candidates for…."

"Other candidates? Dammit, Asagi, I am NOT interested in Mr. Koiwai!"

"So you say, my dear little sister. So you say."

Fuuka smiled as a thought crossed her mind. "What about Jumbo then?"

"He doesn't seem like he'd go for someone like Jumbo."

"Now who's denying?" Fuuka teasingly retorted. "I know you've noticed how big he is."

"Big?"

"You know."

"He's six-foot-ten, of course he's big. You have a ways to go before you'll be good at dirty jokes, sis."

"There must be a reason you're stringing him along the way you are. Always staying two steps ahead of him, always just out of reach."

Asagi chuckled. "Fuuka, Fuuka. Fuuka. You don't like games, do you?"

"Games?"

"Yep. I am having so much fun this month, Fuuka. I'm really enjoying the chase to the full!"

"So you're enjoying that he's running after you?"

Asagi smiled. "You bet."

"And what do you think will happen when you go back to University, Asagi? What do you think that poor man is going to do when you slip through his grasp?"

"What does any man do? Besides, are you so sure he will?"

Fuuka was glaring at her sister now. How could she be so nonchalant about something so important. "You know what, Asagi? I hope you do get away. Do you know why? Because from what I've seen of Jumbo he's a nice, sweet, compassionate man, who would be wasted on a self-centered, arrogant tramp like you!"

"You're a fine one to talk, turning your back on poor Mr. Koiwai."

"I'm not – I don't – oh, why the hell am I even bothering?" Fuuka stormed out of the room, getting to the doorway before Asagi said another word.

"And where are you going, sis?"

"The Koiwais' front gate needs to be mended, remember? Honestly!"

As she heard doors slam on Fuuka's way out, Asagi smiled. It was amazing, she thought, how little her sister really knew about her…