I had meant it when I told Collins that I would be there for him, forever and for always. Until our hearts expired, we would be each others. Time is running out though. I can feel it. I have been in the hospital for about three days now, nearing my fourth, but it is ending.

At first, I thought I would be out within a day or two at the most. Obviously, something more serious is at work. I have no want to say it, but I am dying.

Collins sits each night and day in the chair next to this stiff bed. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he must be. He puts on a smile though every time we look at each other.

We just sit and talk mostly. He holds my hand and talks of the people we know. Maureen and Joanne split up-- again. Roger and Mimi have gone their separate ways. Mimi had been using again. Mark was alone. We talk of Halloween, coming up in just a few days. Will Pussy Galore and James Bond appear again?

He tells me constantly that he is fine. The guilt is overwhelming. I will be responsible should anything happen to him. It would be my fault. Collins tells me to never think I am a burden. He said there is no one else he would rather spend his time with. The warmth of his words fills me with strength.

His coat is wrapped around me, comforting me in silence. It is the coat I bought for him a little after we got together. That day is so vivid. We had no cares. Could it be that it was just a few months ago? We skipped down avenues and streets together hand in hand, ignoring everyone else's looks and glares. He was mine and I would show the world.

I looked over and saw my lover sleeping on that chair. Less than a year had gone by since we met, but this was the real thing. I would die for him, and he for me. I am his queen, he my moat. He is my king, and I his castle.

I was leaning on a book, the pale moonlight in the window my source of sight. The pen in my hand felt cold against my skin. The paper was glaring at me, blank and wanting. The letter I needed to write would not write itself. So taking a deep breathe, I began.

"My dearest Collins,

If you are reading this, I am dead. I am so sorry, my love. Know that I never wanted you to be alone. This virus has slowly been taking over my body. You, though, have steadily taken my heart and my soul I was never as happy as I was the night I met you. Sad circumstance, yet it led to something so beautiful. I leave whatever little that is in my possession to you. Anything you do not want, offer up to Mimi, Roger, and Mark. Make sure you keep my drumsticks though. And know this- had things been different; I have no doubt in my mind that I would have asked you to be my partner for the remainder of our days.

I love you,

Angel."

I lifted the paper and placed a small kiss on it next to my signature. I folded it and tucked it into the jacket pocket. He would look in there, I knew it. Tears tracked there way down my cheeks, ice against my skin. I was sweating again. Soon I would shake and the tremors will wake up Collins. He will take a cool cloth and smooth it against my brow as I shudder. I would vomit, and he would be there, whispering softly and calling a nurse simultaneously. It happened yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. But he will be there. Until my heart expires, he says. But that day draws near.

I am shivering violently now and he is waking. The bile is rising and my blood is on fire. My heart feels as if it is going to explode in my chest. He whispers his whispers of love in my ear. I can barely hear him. Rocking me back and forth, enfolding me in the jacket.

I will miss him. I will miss them all. Mostly I will miss Collins. His hugs, kisses, words, him. I will miss my lover, confidant, and my life.

"I love you," I sigh quietly as I feel myself sink slowly into oblivion.

Before I go, I manage to hear him utter just a few small words.

"I love you too, for always and forever."

My world goes black.