Title: A Christmas Chaos
Author: kchanlp
Rating: PG
Warnings: Slight OOC; I totally disgraced Santa…
Prompt: I - 61. Tsuna + Fuuta + Ipin + Lambo - Christmas Eve; "kids... you know you can't kill Santa Claus, that's not how it works..."
Summary: Tsuna raised his eyes to the ceiling, wondering if there was some deity that simply loved to make his existence beyond miserable…
Tsuna thought he was finally – finally – going to get a nice deserved rest. Reborn told him – he had almost made him swear – that he wasn't going to do any new training 'til the end of December's holidays. He was happy to know he would have a month without scratches, burns or bite marks.
(He was so content he even thought about inviting Kyoko to the rink, temporarily ignoring his non-existent skills in the area.)
In fact, he was leaving to do exactly that when he saw a little commotion in the living room. A little commotion being done by Lambo, I-pin and Fuuta surrounded by cords, black plastic bags, shovels and-… a hammer?!
"K-kids, what are you doing with all these stuff?!" he barged into the room, taking the hammer before Lambo could go anywhere near it.
"Gyahaha, No good Tsuna, so you want to join Lambo-sama's plan too? Well, maybe, if you beg-"
"Plan?! What plan?" Tsuna shrieked, sensing an ongoing catastrophe about to ruin his good mood. I-pin replied in Chinese – really, he should learn some if he ever wanted to understand her better, maybe then he could stop pulling his hair so hard.
"We'll capture Santa Claus, Tsuna-nii!" Fuuta said.
"And then we'll kill him, gyahaha!" Lambo completed, jumping on the table holding a grenade.
Tsuna sighed sadly, suddenly very tired. His nearly perfect Christmas Eve with Kyoko-chan was crushed, even before it started. He took the grenade from Lambo, thinking that the whole situation had something to do with karma; Reborn let him alone, but the kids had to compensate for that…
"Kids… You know can't kill Santa Claus, that's not how it works… You're supposed to be good during the year, so you'll get a present. No killing." There was a moment of silence, before Lambo punched the air and laughed his childish evil laugh.
"We'll kill him!"
"No! No killing, Lambo!" Tsuna was really getting a little exasperated now. Lambo only looked bored while sticking a finger in his nose.
"Lambo-sama will kill Santa and then he'll kill Reborn…"
"Nooo, you can't go killing people!" Tsuna grasped Lambo's tiny shoulders and shook them a little "That's something bad boys do, Lambo, and bad boys don't get presents!"
There was another moment of awkward silence, before Tsuna realized that that was the wrong thing to say.
"…Are you saying… Lambo-sama… won't get… a present?" the Bovino's lips were trembling, his big green eyes watering and snot was almost falling off of his nose. Perfect. Juuust perfect.
"Uh, well…" Damn. He had to say something fast, or-
"Gotta… stay… calm…" muttered Lambo before starting to cry loudly.
Great. Just great. Tsuna raised his eyes to the ceiling, wondering if there was some deity that simply loved to make his existence beyond miserable… Fuuta and I-pin looked like they too were about to start crying and that only made the future boss of Vongola more frustrated.
"Calm down, Lambo, I… I didn't say you weren't getting a present, I was just…uhm…" but it was falling on deaf ears, hence Lambo raised another note in his desperate wailing. Against all logic – even the one that said Tsuna should drown in a pit of bad karma – Lambo's cries were reduced to little sniffs.
"Then…then… No good Tsuna will help us capture Santa Claus?" And then he pouted, looking like he would go back to crying his lungs out if Tsuna said anything akin to "no".
So he said "Yes", the children got excited, started to show him Lambo's plan but his mind was far away in a happy place where he was in the rink, holding hands with Kyoko-chan…
---
He didn't give up on dissuading the kids of that plan. His mother, on the other hand, made a bowl of home made chocolate chip cookies for the kids, so they could allure Santa to a hidden trap near the couch – and really, where did little kids learn how to make hidden traps?! It was insane and dangerous, did he ever mentioned dangerous?
Tsuna was nearly having a nervous collapse. Why, oh why his mother was helping them out? Ok, so she didn't know about this "killing Santa" thing – lately, she just hoped his father could make it to New Year's Celebration and kept daydreaming around the house – but even so!
It was so obvious they were planning something evil… Lambo was snickering madly while wrapping cords and stuffing himself with spare cookies… Even Fuuta was helping with this madness! Fuuta seemed such an innocent boy – apparently not, since he didn't get presents for the last three Christmas, as he told Tsuna – and I-pin… well, she was just going with the flow.
Where was Reborn when he needed him?! Would it kill him to, you know, show up out of nowhere – like always – and kick Lambo until he lost consciousness?
(Tsuna couldn't bring himself to harm Lambo, it made him feel guilty. But hey, a guy could dream…)
He strongly endured while they installed all the "totally necessary, gyahaha" paraphernalia in his living room – while his mom only giggled and said "Children are so lively before Christmas!" Tsuna tried with all non-violent ways he knew, but as his clueless mother stretched four futons in their "incredible hideout, right, Tsuna-nii?" – which was really just behind the couch – he knew he was only delaying an already ongoing chaos.
---
He woke up startled by a thud. Oh God, he slept! He slept! Frantically moving his head from side to side, trying to come up with a plan to stop the children before any sharp object fled through the room or something exploded or-
Then, he noticed the three still fast asleep by his right.
Tsuna sighed, relieved beyond measurement, but then he heard again. He recognized the sound of soft steps, coming from the other side of the couch. Carefully, he raised his head to see over the back of the couch and yes, there was someone in the living room. He couldn't see who it was because of the dark room, but it was definitely too tall to be his mother.
"Oh God, oh God!" Tsuna fiercely gripped his hair, thinking that the person could only be a Christmas Thief, like in that movie, "Home Alone" or something… He heard the person halt in his steps and panicked. He got up quickly, managing to round the couch and running to for the door to pick his gloves and pills-
When, of course, Lady Luck decided to trick him again.
He barely made to the door when one of Lambo's traps went out; a rope winded itself around his ankle and then he was upside down, hanging on the ceiling fan, while another rope stretched and turned said fan on, literally making Tsuna's world spin.
Tsuna started to cry out for help, but against all logic – except the one who said he should suffer these embarrassing situations for the rest of his life – no one woke up, and he couldn't count on Mr. Thief's good side, it seemed…
Then he heard a shot…
…before falling head down and passing out on the floor.
---
"Wake up, No good Tsuna."
This time Tsuna woke up startled by one of those all-familiar Reborn trademark kicks in the face. He felt dizzy, his vision a little blurry and pained by the sudden light, but at least he wasn't bleeding… probably.
After a few minutes he could see better and he recognized Reborn and behind him stood a tall man wearing a very showy golden skin coat that almost reflected on his oh-so-pale skin.
"Uhm, Reborn-"
"Pull yourself together. I want you to meet Claus…"
Claus?
Claus.
Claus?!
Like, seriously?! Claus?!
"W-wait, don't tell me… he can't… no way-!"
"You probably know him as Santa."
Tsuna's chin made a loud thud when it hit the floor. 'Santa Claus' simply watched him with a bored expression and Reborn, being Reborn, slapped him.
"Didn't I tell you to pull yourself together? You should do as your instructor says."
"Wa-wait… uh, ahn, gah-… uh, eh, b-but… eeek!"
"Stop mumbling, I won't tolerate this." said Reborn while pointing his tiny pistol to Tsuna's head.
"I see that the young Vongola is surprised?" said 'Santa' with a heavy accent.
"M-more like… shocked." The young boss slowly lifted himself, using the armrest as support while 'Santa' took a cookie from his vest "Uhm… wasn't… eh… I thought Santa Claus was a little bit… older."
"You are probably thinking of my great-great-grandfather. He assumed the position as the head of the Claus family at a very advanced age."
Claus Family?
Claus Family.
Claus Family?!
Like, seriously?! Claus Family?!
"F-family? Wait… D-don't tell me…"
"Why, we are the only mafia family in the Lapland Province, young Vongola." The man answered in a monotone while munching on the cookie. "Oh, I knew I should have announced myself before, please forgive me."
Well, Tsuna was shocked, to say the least.
Apparently, Santa Claus wasn't a friendly old man. Apparently, he was a young man devouring cookies in his living room. And apparently, he was the head of a Finnish mafia family. Surprise, surprise.
"Claus came here to meet you, Tsuna. He's very good at infiltration, so I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to test your security abilities." Tsuna looked at Reborn with a flabbergast expression.
"What?! S-so… All this "Capture and Kill Santa" thing was a test?! W-wait, you-! You said I was free to do as I pleased during holidays!" he shrieked.
"I said you were free of training. Consider this as a surprise test. That you failed."
"You- You're kidding me, right?!" Tsuna started to argue but Reborn kindly ignored him and continued.
"So your recess is over. We'll start a new training tomorrow."
Oh, the joys of being tutored by a baby Spartan hitman.
While Tsuna fought between being miserable and angry at Reborn, Claus finished two other cookies before lifting his coat's sleeve and checking his watch.
"Ah, look at the time. I have to take my leave now, Reborn."
"It's ok." Claus turned and bent over a chubby golden bag behind him, taking four beautifully wrapped presents off of it.
"O-oh, so… Santa- I mean, Claus, you really bring gifts to good children?"
"You could say that." he put a present near the three sleeping children and gave one to Reborn, who promptly unwrapped the package to reveal…
…a new pistol with a brand new-and-shiny set of Dying Will Bullets?
"But these presents are only to mafia children."
Tsuna's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
"I had one for you too, young Vongola, but you should know: Santa only gives presents to children who are asleep." The man patted Tsuna's head before opening a secret passage in the far wall of the living room. "Hyvää Joulua!" He waved to the young boss and his tutor before entering the passage.
"Reborn..." Tsuna muttered after the secret door closed itself again.
"What is it?"
"...Santa Claus is an arm dealer?! Really?!" Tsuna said exasperated, only to be hit by a paper fan.
"Don't be stupid, Tsuna. Claus is Vongola's main weapon supplier, not an arm dealer."
"B-but… Wha-I… Damn, Reborn-!" but Reborn hit the back of his neck with his brand-new-and-shiny pistol, effectively knocking the boss-to-be down.
"Sleep now. Tomorrow I'll start a hard training schedule, so don't complain." Reborn said while resting Tsuna's head in a pillow, letting him on the living room and going uptairs to rest on his mini-hammock.
So Tsuna slept on the floor, oblivious of Reborn's plans for him, dreaming of a happy place where he was in a non-Christmas society, throwing cookies in a lake, hand in hand with Kyoko-chan…
Lame, that was lame. orz