A/N: Written for SasuSaku month! Prompt: Lessons Learned. My first SasuSaku story, and my first time participating! :) I hope I did the pairing justice. Slight OOCness for Sasuke. I tried my best to keep him in character, and I feel that I did a fair job, but it's for y'all to decide. Sorta long, but that's subjective.
Pairings: Sasuke and Sakura.
Rating: T for mild swearing.
Disclaimer: Written purely for fanfiction. In no way associated with Masashi Kishimoto. I do not own Naruto.
Sakura blinked her eyes slowly, hoping to dispel any cloudiness obstructing her vision. She bit the side of her tongue in an attempt to rouse herself from any delusions or dreams. She'd experienced deja vu numerous times throughout her life, but nothing quite on this scale.
"Come again?" She asked, her voice shaky. The rough fabric of her dirtied and worn ninja pants chaffed against her sweaty palms as she absently wiped the perspiration away.
The boy - no, man - in front of her huffed, the slight frown on his lips deepening, further exaggerating the uncomfortable expression adorning his features. Movement in the folds of his trousers indicated him shoving his balled up fists deeper into his pockets. He still had not met her eyes.
"Don't make me repeat myself," He answered, tone gruff, but not reproaching. His voice was still low and soft, nearly carried away with the wind. If anything, his statement was almost a plea.
Sakura continued to stare at her returned (he came back, he finally came back) teammate in astonishment. She realized, somewhere in the still functional part of her brain, that she needed to respond to Sasuke, coherently, or do something other than gape at the handsome shinobi. Yet her mouth was still trying to catch up with her racing mind, which was currently processing the last 20 seconds.
She had just exited one of the medical tents set up in the Shinobi Alliance base and was en route to the nearby watering area. After the final battle against Madara, Obito and the Juubi had been won, the remaining forces had regrouped at camp. The worst was over, and peace had been achieved, but there were still many loose ends to be tied up. Villages needed to count their losses, people needed to be healed, teammates and loved ones needed to be reunited. The shinobi needed to figure out where to go from here.
There were meetings being held near constantly to deliberate the fate of the shinobi world. Everyone was welcome at these meetings, as this affected everyone present at the base. Sakura had been attending as much as her demanding medic-nin schedule allowed, and she was mentally planning the next free time she had to pop into the meetings again and sit by Naruto. He had not been absent from the deliberations for a second.
Right as she was turning the faucet on a watering fountain constructed from the combined efforts of water and earth element shinobi, she heard her name called from behind.
"Sakura."
Her hand stilled, her grip on the nozzle tightening. She turned towards the voice slowly, heart pounding against her chest, nerves on end. It wasn't fair, she mused absently, that even after all that happened, after he had undoubtedly proved his loyalty to the village and desire for the common good, that she would still be so wary, so out of sorts around him.
It wasn't fair that she had only come to love him more.
"Hello, Sasuke-kun," Sakura greeted, offering him a small smile. "What brings you here?" Stupid question, she chastised herself. He was in the watering area, what did she think he needed?
"I came to speak with you." He supplied. He was speaking slowly, articulating each word carefully, as if each was loaded. His eyebrows were furrowed and his visage was set in determination. Sasuke had his battle face on. Where was the confrontation?
"What can I do for you?" Sakura had to raise her voice just a degree higher than normal speaking volume, as for some unknown reason, Sasuke had halted his approach a few feet out of typical conversation range. Was he purposefully trying to keep so much space between them? Did her presence disgust him that much?
Enough, she squashed down the negatives thoughts. There would be plenty of time to ponder over Sasuke's mysterious ways later. Like when she was alone in her bedroll at night, and all her walls were down.
"I realize we have not had a chance to talk yet, and I thought it would be best to get our conversation over with sooner rather than later."
Sakura had to fight to prevent her despair over Sasuke's comment from showing on her face. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest, but she had faced worse things from him. At least he was approaching her as an equal, as a teammate. If he was choosing now to reject her love, then she would take it in stride. She was as strong as him and Naruto, she was fond of claiming lately; surely she could handle a little more heartbreak.
With a newly steeled resolve, she lifted her chin slightly in a near-defiant gesture. "Go on."
The first surprise had been the way his dark, unreadable eyes had studied her silently for a second, then suddenly, as if an invisible rain were washing it away, his usual stoic demeanor crumbled into something so alien, something so completely uncharacteristic of the prideful Sasuke Uchiha. His gaze shifted to an unknown object to the left of his pink haired teammate. His broad shoulders maintained their rigid, guarded stiffness, but slumped forward, as if to shield himself from an enemy. The fists that had been hanging at his sides burrowed into his pockets, hidden from view.
If Sakura was not mistaken, there was a pink dusting on his pale cheeks.
Was Sasuke blushing?
The next surprise were the words that came out of his mouth, "Thank you."
Shaking her head to bring herself back into the present, Sakura forced herself to say something, damnit, because she had spent enough with her mouth open like one of Naruto's toad summons while Sasuke waited for her reply.
"F-for what?" She cursed her how feeble her voice sounded. She couldn't help it. Those words, coming from Sasuke's mouth, meant something bad was going to happen. The last time he had spoken those words to her, she woke up cold and alone on a bench.
Sasuke began to glare at the point to the left of Sakura's head. "For..." the Adam's Apple on his throat bobbed as he swallowed, "not being able to go through with it."
It was her turn to frown. "Not go through with what?" She questioned, voice gaining strength again. Was he accusing her of being flaky?
He heard the accusatory tone in her question, and finally his eyes met hers. "The Land of Iron. At the bridge." Sasuke didn't elaborate, and he didn't need to. Sakura understood perfectly well what he was referring to.
When he tried to kill her. When she tried to kill him.
So Sasuke was... thanking her for not killing him?
Just when Sakura's breathing and heart rate were returning to normal, the breath was stolen right from her and her heart skipped a beat, or maybe ten.
Sasuke was grateful that she hadn't killed him. So much so, that he went out of his way to find her in the base, most likely waiting for a moment when she was alone, and express his gratitude to her personally.
Her overactive mind sped through all the meanings, all the motives and insinuations behind this action of Sasuke's. It was so unlike him - it spoke volumes.
Stop it! She yelled to herself. Don't assume anything. He's probably thankful that he got to meet and speak with the Hokages, and help save the shinobi and Konoha. He wants to be Hokage, after all. This has nothing to do with you.
Sakura forced herself to smile, this one much more strained than the previous. "Of course, Sasuke-kun. You're my teammate. I'll always have your back." What does one say when someone thanks them for not murdering them? "Oh, no problem!" and "You're welcome!" seemed horribly inappropriate.
She didn't say, "You'd do the same for me!" because although he had turned over a new leaf, although he had fought side by side with her and Naruto in the most important battle of their lives, he had tried to kill her then, too. Unlike her own actions, Sakura did not know if he had even hesitated, if he would have been able to follow through.
She was deathly afraid of the answer.
He nodded. Wether he was accepting her answer or had been expecting it, Sakura did not know. "I know," Sasuke continued. The blush on his face traveled to his ears, and deepened. The uncomfortable air he was exuding choked the air. "I acknowledge that I have acted against yours and Naruto's wishes. I was lost in the darkness and could not see the dire consequences of my actions."
Sakura's heart broke into a million new pieces. Sasuke had been through so much, him and Naruto both, more than any human should ever have to endure. Yes, Sasuke had taken the wrong path to end his pain, but he'd seen the error in his ways, and had already started to repent for them. Now, the tormented young man was going so far as to make amends. Indeed, it seemed that some bonds truly were unbreakable.
Sakura loved Sasuke so much it brought tears to her eyes.
"It's ok, Sasuke-kun," She said, choked up. She willed her teary eyes not to overflow. "You came back to us, that's all that matters."
"No," he interjected. Sakura thought she couldn't possibly go through another emotional upheaval in such a short amount of time, but Sasuke always had a knack for showing her a new side of herself. What did he mean "no"? Was he leaving again? Was this truly a repeat of the three years ago? Did he intend on knocking her out cold and leaving her here for somebody to find in the morning? Well, Sasuke was sure in for a rude awakening, because Sakura was not some love-sick, weak 13 year old girl anymore. She was a disciple of a Sannin, a member of Team 7, and Sasuke's teammate and equal! She would not be left behind ever again!
Right when Sakura was about to open her mouth to unleash an onslaught of fury that hell hath no of, Sasuke interrupted her.
"Sakura," the way he said her name was the tipping point for her pent up tears. Silently they cascaded down her cheeks. His eyes, full of remorse, followed their trail.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. A tear dripped from the point of her chin.
"I didn't want to make you cry," He said, such a soft look on his face that Sakura had never imagined Sasuke could make. This war had broken more of him than she realized. "I never did." His brows furrowed, a sense of urgency overtaking the young man. "You have to understand. I never wanted to make you cry. When Itachi... I thought everything good from my life had been taken. All the love and happiness that I knew. You and Naruto just seemed like pale imitations, annoying reminders of what I used to have-"
Sakura clenched her eyes shut, that word Sasuke often used to describe her cutting deeper than any kunai. "Stop, Sasuke-kun. You don't have to explain. I know I'm just an annoyance to you-"
"Listen to me!"
Sakura opened her eyes, old habit and nostalgia that resided deep in her bones forcing her to listen to Sasuke's demand. He seemed like he was barely controlling himself, like he was ready to bolt or snap at the slightest provocation. Sasuke's hands were back out of his pockets, still coiled in tight fists. His arms twitched, as if he wanted to reach out and slap her or throttle her or touch her or -
"I thought getting revenge was the answer. I didn't think I could ever be fortunate enough to be happy again. I wanted to destroy Itachi, and myself. Then, when I found out that Itachi loved me all along-" He choked up here, having to clear his throat, eyes snapping shut over the painful memory. "I had finally succeeded in destroying myself. I killed my brother. I resented Konoha and everyone in it, for being happy and ignorant while the Uchiha were given such cursed lives.
"I hated you and Naruto the most. You two, and Kakashi, were always on my mind, no matter how hard I tried to shut you out. You guys were always laughing, so happy... and I hated you for that. It was just another reminder of what I couldn't have, what I didn't have. So I almost... I nearly killed you. All three of you. If Naruto hadn't saved you in time..."
He trailed off, staring intently at the ground. Sakura desperately wanted to say something, but she knew he wasn't finished. After a few moments, Sasuke continued. "In a way, I'm thankful to Kabuto for using the Edo Tensei. If not for that, I would not have been able to speak with Itachi one more time, or with the Hokages. I don't know where I'd be right now. Itachi showed me that love can be unconditional, but I still had so much hate for Konoha. So I went to talk to the Hokages.
"The Nidaime told me that the Uchiha valued love and friendship over everything, just like Itachi had." Sasuke took a deep breath, seeming to take strength from the very ground he was standing on. He lifted his head to meet Sakura's green eyes, sparkling with tears. "I realized then how wrong I had been, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. It took coming to the battlefield, and fighting with Team 7 again for me to accept it:
"You and Naruto are the love and friendship I value above everything else. That's why I could not accept you two, why I tried so hard to push you guys away. I was afraid that I would lose my happiness again."
He chuckled darkly. "It seems that I did, anyway."
"That's not true!" Sakura protested, taking a tentative step forward. That was the most Sakura had ever heard Sasuke say, period. To herself for sure, and maybe even to Naruto. The emotional revelation he shared with her took a toll on him, she could tell. His face was wearied and washed out, and he looked as worn and beat up as he did after the final battle a week ago. She wanted so bad to offer Sasuke some form of comfort, but Sakura did not think her touch would be welcome.
"We never gave up on you, Sasuke-kun! We were always fighting to get you back! Everything we did was for you!" A new wave of tears rushed forth. She stepped closer. "Your happiness is our happiness. I only ever wanted you to be happy." She whispered, not realizing her slip in wording. "You'll always be my friend."
His face took on that strange, wistful and defeated look. "That's all I ever be?"
He whispered it so quietly, on his last, dying hope that Sakura would not have heard it if she had not closed some of the distance between them. At first, she thought it was him confirming her worst fears, that he was finally uttering the death sentence on her love for him that she had been harboring since she was merely 12 years old. Her hand went straight to her heart, clenching over her vest.
But he had that strange, wistful and defeated look on his face. Like he was resigned to his fate. Like he was saying goodbye to a loved one. Like he had lost something immensely important. That's when Sakura realized that he formed it as a question.
Her hands started to shake. She felt hot and feverish. Surely by now she was going to pass out from sheer emotional exhaustion - is this what Sasuke had to face when he learned the truth about Itachi?
You and Naruto were the love and friendship that I valued above all else.
Is this how someone feels when they learn that the one who they were so sure hated them, loved them all along?
"Sasuke-kun," Sakura began, mimicking his slow tone from earlier. She had to get this right. He had to understand. "There was a reason I could not go through with it." She took another step forward. He eyed her warily. "The same reason that made you come back."
Sakura waited, hand still clenched excruciatingly tight over her chest. She felt as if she were standing on a precipice, as if she were feather light, waiting to be blown one way or another. Either falling into heart break or...
Sasuke stared at her for moments longer, each second taking an eternity for Sakura. She would not falter, she could not. She met his gaze straight on, trying to convey three years worth of emotion. He had to understand.
Then he smirked slightly, reminiscent of Team 7's early days, of his being impressed by her display of strength in battle.
"You're annoying when you cry," He said, reaching up to brush the leftover tears from her flushed face.
Sakura couldn't contain herself any longer. She leapt the remaining distance between them, wrapping her arms around his torso in a vice grip. She buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, taking in a deep breath, filling her senses with Sasuke. He was awkward in her embrace, remaining still at first, until he slowly relaxed, arms hesitantly returning her hug, hands placed oh so lightly in the middle of her back.
It had taken them three years to read underneath the underneath and come to an understanding. It would probably take many years more to work out everything between them, but as far as Sakura was concerned, they had all the time in the world, and they were both eager to learn.