Matthew grabbed the chain at his side. It was the last thing he had received from his girlfriend before she had left him high and dry for that star football player on the team. He knew that she was about to leave him so he was prepared for the break up. Within no more than four days he was over it.
But that was the thing. He wasn't really over it. He messed with his chain all day, every day for the past two weeks. Every time he grabbed it he relived a memory of them together. He couldn't tell anyone this. It's the main reason he is the way he is.
He doesn't have someone to tell. Sure, he had friends, a close circle of friends, and his two closest friends whom he trusted to help him when he needed it, but he couldn't tell them everything, there was no way. He wouldn't tell. He didn't want to.
Now that you have an idea of what's going on, here's his story.
It had been one week after the break up with Heaven. She had been the best girlfriend anyone could've asked for. It wasn't messy or anything, that wasn't in public. He secretly still cried over it at night. He had contemplated suicide, but that was normal. He always did, and had for three years now.
Matthew and Heaven had been dating for a while and on their two-year anniversary she had bought him a chain with links made of a dark gray metal. At the end of the chain there was a small, black skull with a red heart in its mouth. Yeah, it was dark and a little morbid, but for him it was the perfect gift. He wore it every day. He loved it and when she had given it to him he swept Heaven up in a hug that lifted her off of the ground and simultaneously kissed her deeply and passionately.
For the next eight months, Matthew had held her close and opened his heart to her and let her in as often as she chose. He was his most vulnerable when he was with her and he deeply felt like he loved her. He remembers every moment, every second that they had spent together. He remembered every kiss, every fight, no matter how rare they were, and exactly everywhere they had gone together.
This is why he had been slicing his arm open for a week now and bleeding on the floor. His cuts were deep, but not deep enough to kill him. He had to wear long sleeves all the time now to cover the uneven ridges in his arm. Should his friends see, they would be mad that he was back into this cutting stuff. Should one of his two close friends see his scars, he would no doubt be in a therapy room.
This was the problem; he had no one he could tell anything to. He never did, and never would. If anyone were to see this, he would be marked as crazy. If anyone knew about the nightmares he faced, in which he killed everyone close to him and then later came to his senses and wept in their blood, he would be tethered down in an asylum. If the suicidal tendencies he felt were ever found out, they would result in him being put under close watch and being separated from his precious knife. If the murderous urges, when he had the want to kill the first living thing that entered his view, were ever discovered, he surely would be thrown into prison.
Matthew had let everything bottle up inside of him for years now, and he could no longer take the pain he was feeling. This is what led him to cutting his arms open time and time again. Every day he went to school and put on a fake smile and trudged through the day with his perfected façade as the person he was believed to be.
But, recently, he had found someone new. It was the first time in five years he had found someone who could make him feel like everything would be okay-that he was normal. He still was cutting himself but not quite as deep anymore, and it was showing. His face was regaining its color, the rings under his eyes were disappearing and he was beginning to regain weight and energy.
This person was his newest friend; the new girl at school. Miya was her name. It was different, yes, but Matthew found it a lovely name all the same. She had become his closest friend, thoroughly replacing the other two, and after a while, he started to feel something. It was a new feeling and he was clueless as to what it was, but it felt amazing, and he decided he needed her.
It took him an entire week to work up the courage to ask her to the upcoming prom. And when he did ask, she had told him yes. He couldn't believe it. Of course he knew they were going as just friends, but Matthew was hoping to change that when he found time to be most to his advantage.