The sounds of the Ponderosa waking to a new day could be heard through the open window of Ben Cartwright's bedroom as the sun rose in the beautiful blue Nevada sky. Horses whinnying, cattle lowing, ranch hands washing at the pump, and even Hop Sing's clanging pans in the kitchen failed to provide their usual comfort to the patriarch of the large ranch after a restless night's sleep.
"Why am I so unsettled?" Ben heaved a sigh as he ran a large hand through his disheveled silver hair.
A general discontentment with life had been creeping in over the past few days. The fact that he would soon turn fifty-five was hanging heavy over him. Yet he was confused by his unease when everything else in his life was humming along so smoothly. The ranch was running well; in fact some newly acquired property had expanded the Ponderosa's borders. Timber contracts continued to come in and be met. The mine was operating profitably and at full capacity. Still as Ben looked ahead to the tasks awaiting him this day, all he saw was hours of bookwork. Hoss and Joe along with the many capable ranch hands on the payroll handled most of the day-to-day tasks. Jamie managed the care of the family horses, other small animals, and the woodcutting. Also recently, Joe had even taken over some of the ledger work. This should have given Ben peace of mind, but instead he felt frustrated and just wanted to shout or throw something at the wall.
He shaved and dressed without his usual energy for a new day before going downstairs to the table for breakfast, though he had little appetite. Soon Hoss, Joe, and Jamie joined him at the table, and the usual morning banter commenced. The breaking of some new stock came up for discussion as one of the tasks for the day. Several of the hands had their eyes on an ornery, young filly that was full of fire. The boys finally realized that their father was not participating in the conversation and just pushing his food around his plate.
Hoss looked at Ben with concern. "Are you ok, Pa?"
"Fine…fine. Everything's just fine." There was an edge to Ben's voice.
His sons looked on unconvinced that he was being completely truthful. Despite their feelings, they asked no more questions and continued their meal. When finished with breakfast, the boys gave Ben their usual "see you later, Pa" and left the table.
Ben just grunted. He looked over at his desk. He could not stomach the idea of bookwork today.
"Am I really so old and frail that the books are all I'm good for?" Ben huffed. Suddenly the dishes danced when his fist hit the table. "No! I am going prove to everyone that I am still perfectly capable of working just as hard as any other man on this ranch."
Ben jumped up from the table, grabbed his gloves and hat, and headed out the door. With long, determined strides, he headed for the corral. The prized filly was already saddled and a young hand named Jimmy was on the fence ready to climb into the saddle.
Ben called out to the eager young man. "Hold up there, she's mine."
The hands looked around at each other but said nothing. They had never seen their boss break any stock. None would argue that he was good judge of horse flesh, but a horse breaker, no, especially not at his age.
Jimmy looked uncertain and then gave a caution. "Mr. Cartwright…uh… I don't mean any disrespect…um…but she's probably going to be a handful."
Ben was focused on the horse and was not about to be dissuaded. "Just climb on down. I'm coming."
Jimmy climbed down and hesitantly backed away. Ben climbed the fence and gently lowered himself into the saddle.
The man holding the blindfold on the filly felt the need to ask again. "You're sure, Mr. Cartwright?"
Ben nodded he was ready.
"Alright then, here she goes." The ranch hand pulled the blindfold away and stepped back.
The filly took off like she had been shot from a cannon, bucking and snorting. Ben enjoyed an exhilarating ride for a few moments, but then the horse lurched hard to the right, and he was dumped on his backside landing with a hard thud in the dust. Nobody moved. Without looking around, Ben got up gingerly, limped over to the fence and carefully climbed over the fence near where an old hand named Cactus was leaning.
"Rough landing?" There was a twitch of smile on the old man's lips.
Ben looked at him crossly. "I was thrown."
"You best be careful. You break something at your age, you won't mend so quick." Cactus shook his head making it obvious what he thought of Ben's actions.
Jimmy was now in the saddle and riding the bucking filly with relative ease.
Cactus pointed to the horse and rider. "Easy ride for a young buck."
Ben grunted and walked toward the house with a scowl on his face.
Jamie was on the porch working on his homework and tried to offer his father some sympathy. "Sorry you got thrown, Pa."
"Are you working or watching?"
Jamie shrugged. "A little of both, I guess."
"Just get back to work."
With a sheepish expression, Jamie whispered as he returned to his studies. "Well, anyway, I'm sorry."
Ben limped into the house holding his right hip and slammed the door behind him. He threw his hat and gloves on the sideboard and sat down hard in his desk chair. Grimacing in pain, he shuffled the papers on his desk in a heartless attempt at work.
"Well, now you've done it. You've made a fool of yourself in front of everyone."
It did not help when later Hoss entered the house looking smug. "You ok? I heard you took a little tumble, cowboy."
Ben did not even look up before responding sharply. "So what's going on with this Cass Breckenridge fellow who's managing that new section up north. I thought he was supposed to report here in person every few weeks."
"We thought so, too, but he hasn't." Hoss replied.
Ben continued to dig. "And the details of the timber contract with Morgan need to be hammered out."
Joe held out his hands trying to appease his father. "We are planning to meet with him tomorrow."
Ben waved him off and groused impatiently. "Never mind. I'll take care of it myself." He stomped to the sideboard to grab his neckerchief, gun, and hat before heading out the door.
Hoss and Joe looked at each other, shrugged, and followed him out the door. Hoss was about tell Ben that he really did not need to make a special trip into town when Cactus saw Ben about to mount up and yelled.
"Mr. Cartwright, wait!"
Cactus had purposefully left the cinch on Buck's saddle loose not knowing when the horse would be ridden; so when Ben put his full weight on the stirrup, the saddle slipped to the side dumping him in the dust for the second time that day.
The scruffy, old hand lumbered over to put the saddle back in place as Joe reached down to help his now seething father up off the ground.
Glaring at Cactus, Ben forcefully threw his son's arm aside and got up under his own power. Through gritted teeth, he ordered. "That's it. You're done. Come in and get your pay!"
Ben stormed into the house. Unaccustomed to such rash actions by their father, the boys stood with gaping mouths wondering what was going on.
Cactus huffed and headed toward the front door. "That figures. He gets dumped in the dust twice in one day, so he's got to have somebody to kick."
Behind his desk, Ben grabbed the cash box from the safe, counted out Cactus' pay, and shoved it toward him.
Cactus pocketed the money and looked his boss squarely in the eye before saying his peace. "Any man who's been around horses as long as you have should know to check the cinch before getting into the saddle. Nice place you got here. Nice chair. The trouble is you've been riding that chair so long you don't know how soft you are or what it's like to put in a day's work anymore. If you had to work the grub line, with nothing but dust in your pockets, you'd never make it. In fact, I'd wager my shirt, pants, and this twenty-one dollars that you couldn't get a Ben Brown job. And in the outside chance you did, you'd never make it to the first payday."
Ben stiffened and bellowed. "Is that so!"
Cactus hollered back. "Yeah, that's so!"
Like two old billy goats with their horns locked, the men were locked in a stare down. In resignation, Cactus finally broke it off and left. Truth be told, Ben felt no victory. In fact, he felt horrible, but his pride would not allow him to correct his mistake.
Supper that evening was a quiet affair. The boys were still in shock from the events of the day, and Ben was in no mood to talk. When the meal was finished, Ben excused himself saying he was going to retire early.
"Maybe some reading and a good night's rest will get me out of this foul mood."
As he crossed his room to retrieve his nightshirt and robe, Ben caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He was not so sure he liked what he saw. True, he had slimmed down a bit making climbing into the saddle easier, but the truth was that some of the scaling down was due to the lack of use of his body. He also noticed that the lines in his face had deepened, and except for his eyebrows, there was absolutely no trace of the dark hair he had when he was younger.
"Is Cactus right? Am I really incapable of a solid day's work?"
As he stared into the mirror, an interesting thought came to Ben. Suppose he would go away for a while, somewhere no one knew his face, and did some physical work to clear his head. At the moment, he was no use to anyone on the Ponderosa; so Ben went downstairs and told his sons he would be leaving early in the morning.
Joe's face was etched with worry. "How long will you be gone, Pa?"
Seeing the boys' concerned looks, Ben offered them a weak smile of reassurance. "I'll be in touch in a week or so. Don't worry…I just need a little time away."