Hey! I thought of this idea when I was jumping on my trampoline and I thought it might be interesting. So if enough people like it then I'll continue! This is told from Rosalie's POV. And I'm sorry; I'm not much of a comedian writer. So if it's really bad I won't continue! And sometimes I may have a flashback of the incident in a separate chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters!
Chapter One
I entered the dining room and I knew something I didn't want to happen was going to happen. Carlisle and Esme looked serious, but everyone else was fighting smiles. Jake had a smirk splattered across his face. I swallowed. "What's all this about?" I asked. Esme motioned for me to sit down and I suspiciously sank into the chair.
"Rose, this was Nessie's idea, for the record. And we all had to come. So don't get all mad at me." Emmett said who was sitting next to me. This didn't sound pretty. Edward spoke next.
"We're making a list of things you can never do to Jake." Edward said carefully. My eyes widened and I hissed.
"One time! I died his hair blue one time and suddenly we have to make a list!" I growled furiously.
"You did more than just dye his hair blue. But that's an excellent place to start." Edward started, I remembered that accomplishment well. He had had to run around with a blue head for two weeks before it had rubbed off. Jake started to grumble under his breath and I laughed. Bella added it onto the clean sheet of paper in front of her. At the end of the hour it looked like this:
Do NOT die his hair blue!
Don't try to pierce his tongue with a spork!
Don't set his car on fire and then tie balloons on the remains so they'll float away
Don't smash a tetherball pole into his face
Don't paint a dog on his chest then write the words 'I smell like afire hydrant' underneath
Don't throw a swing at his garage
Don't pretend to be a mailwoman and deliver all his letters to an angry Puerto Rican doctor named Julio
Don't push him into an oven
Don't hire a priest and marry him to an angry duck
Don't put a garter snake in his underwear
I stared grumpily at the piece of paper, the duck hadn't been that angry! And the divorce had been finalized! I signed my name at the bottom quickly and Jake grinned.
"And Rose, there'll be another list tomorrow!" He said happily and I moaned.
So was it terrible? PLEASE REVIEW! I'll relive your top two fave moments if you want. Just tell me what they are. And if you prefer, I'll just write a list instead of it being a kind-of story! And give me some ideas if you have any!!