A/N Special thanks to my beta Kitsu3, Please if you read this story review. I would love to hear your comments, thoughts and suggestions!

(And if anyone is willing to beta my second chapter please either leave a review stating this or email me at thanks)

Shades of black

Chapter One

I lost my only family, I lost my whole life, apparently I lost everything, but I can't remember anything.

My name is Love; don't ask me for my last name, they haven't told me it yet. I say I don't remember anything, but that's a lie; I do remember one thing. I remember holding hands. With who? I don't remember that part. I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you the haunting memory - but when I think about it now it's not really a real memory, it's like a thought that runs through the back of my mind every time I close my eyes.

Someone is holding my hand, but it's too dark; I can't see their face, I only see their hand wrapped around mine. I think it's a guy because the hand is huge and the nails have not been taken care of. It always takes me a minute to realize that we're wearing matching rings; like the rings suddenly appear on our hands. I stand there staring at the hands for a good 5 minutes, taking in every detail before something tries to pull us apart; I can hear distant screaming. I never look away from our hands always thinking he will save me, save us! The grip then starts to loosen and I know that he's giving up, he's letting go; and I think this every time, it's like the dream won't let me think otherwise, like the terror of losing this guy is too unthinkable. Along with this I can feel a sharp pain in my heart.

I want it all to stop, I can feel it, my body is screaming 'wake up!' but I don't; I can't. I'm whispering over and over again "DON'T LET GO!" Though I'm whispering it feels like I'm screaming. It's like I've been screaming for hours, not whispering for mere minutes. The sad part is I still haven't figured out if it's me or the boy I'm saying it to. Should I hold on tighter? Or should I wait for him to do it for me? I want to let go, I know the boy does as well. I can feel it, but I won't let go. He tries to. I never take my eyes off our hands. I watch as he tries to let go, tries to run, but his fear is no match for my determination to live. I know if we stay together, stay here, we will live. We just have to! All I can hear is screaming. Who's screaming? Is it the boy? No, there are others in the house. I know them, but I don't know them. I remember them, but I don't remember who they are.

I hear the boy, he's trying to talk but the words are distorted; I want to hear, to understand what he's saying, to know who he is, who they are! Am I doing the right thing? Should I let the boy go? I don't do anything but stare at our hands. He's trying to get away, struggling to unwrap our two hands, but I don't let him; I won't let him go. Then suddenly everything goes black the memories stopped, the dream is done. I wake almost every night exactly 4 hours after I go to sleep.

I've had this dream every night since I woke up in this light pink hospital room two months ago. It's haunting me, stopping me, keeping me here. I'm in the dark because I don't know who I am. Just that my name is Love and I lost my first love, I lost my only family, I lost my whole life, and apparently I lost everything, but I can't remember anything.

New-ishy…

Should I tell you what else I know, or in this case I should say knew? I may have to start at the very beginning. The day I woke up, in this bright pink room.

I could hear a beeping sound, as well as a low whisper of voices. It took me a few hard minutes to force my eyes to open. The light was seeping in, making it hard for me to keep my eyes open. I looked around the room surprised to see a sleeping girl in the chair next to my bed. She had long blond hair that was moved back from her pale face.

"Who are you?" I asked breaking the silence that had over taken the room. The girl shifted strangely as if she'd forgotten that she was sleeping on a chair. Her eyes shot open when I let a little giggle overtake me.

"You're awake!" The girl screamed, jumping out of the forgotten chair. Now that I had a good clear view of the girl's face I realized I should know who she was, but I didn't. I knew she had been crying because there were black streaks of make-up running down her cheeks. Her pasty skin made her bleach blond hair look lighter than the white bed sheets that were covering me.

"Who are you?" I naively ask, receiving a hesitant smile from the girl. I didn't smile back; instead I tried my best to give her a kind look as a replacement for the annoyed sigh I was holding in. I took her a couple of minutes but finally the girl did answer my question.

"What do you mean, Love?" Apparently she didn't feel the need to hide the agitation in her voice. I shook my head trying to acknowledge her unanswerable question. "I'm your sister, Love. Do you remember what happened to you?"

"I don't know. It's complicated, I don't know much or remember anything… but um… nothing." I didn't know if I could trust her just yet so I lied.

"Well I'm Annabelle, but you've always called me Anna," there was a little teardrop slowly running down her cheek. "I should go get the healer; he'll wish to give you a check up. I'll be back in a few minutes."

With that she left me there in that little room, thinking about all that had been said. I then knew that my name was Love and that I had a sister named Annabelle but sadly that's all I knew at the time.

A new me

An older woman wearing light blue robes came into the room a few minutes later. She was humming a soft, upbeat tune. "Hi there, Love. I'm Gloria, your healer.

"Your sister told me that you don't remember anything. Is this true?" She seemed to lose all the cheerfulness as she talked. To answer the question I simply nodded. "I'm going to give you a potion that will put you to sleep."

"Why? I'm not tired or anything." The healer gave me an atypical look as if it was a stupid question. Sure she was obviously smarter than me but I wasn't going to do everything she said, especially without questioning her choices.

"I don't have time to explain every medical decision I make!" I knew instantly that there was something wrong. No healer would ever snap at a patient like that. Only then did I take a close look at her. She wasn't nearly as old as I had thought. I believe her name had thrown me -Gloria- an old lady's name in my opinion. Or it may have been the dark circles that surrounded her eyes. Whatever it was I now knew that she could be no older then 30.

"Okay I understand," I calmly said, trying to pretend I meant it. We didn't talk the rest of the time she was in my room. I just sat and did everything she gestured for me to do. Just as Gloria had said the potion put me to sleep.

When I woke up everything seemed weird, the room seemed to be spinning around me. Lights flickered on and off.

I didn't know how long I'd been asleep but it had to have been a long time, for I was in really bad shape. I closed my eyes, trying to calm my head that felt like a dozen curses had hit it; the painful aching didn't stop, though. So I lay there trying to focus on everything, anything but the pain.

I expected someone to come see how I was doing - at least check if I had woken - but no one came, not even my so-called "sister".

Alone. I was alone with no one to talk to, nothing to think about, no memories to sort through. Nothing to do.

A friendly face…

Time passed and before I knew it a month had gone by. In my opinion it had been a very long month. A healer came to my room twice a day to bring me food and make sure I hadn't died of boredom. My sister came about once a week. It was always the same though, she asked if I remembered anything and I would say no. She always seemed worried, almost afraid, like I was going to hurt her if she stayed too long or turned her back to me. And that scared me because I didn't know who I was or what I did.

The healers didn't talk to me. There were two that came, a young girl who came in the morning and a middle aged man who brought me supper. No one else came; not even Gloria, who I'd thought was my healer. For some reason they all seemed very gloomy. I didn't know why, I had thought, perhaps it was just that type of hospital.

That day was different. That was the day he came into my room. He looked around 16 or older. It was hard to tell; he looked young, but his eyes were cold and hard, almost mean, and sad at the same time.

"Hi, I think I have the wrong room," he said this like it was a surprise. "Um… the house must be confused on where people are."

"House?" I was confused about what he meant. How could a hospital screw up on where their patients were? And why'd he call it a house?

"Ya, you know, safe house." This was one weird conversation.

"Why are we in a safe house?"

"Because of the war! How could you not know this?" He was yelling, out of anger at first, then astonishment. It was at that moment I noticed how good looking he truly was. He had dark brown hair and light hazel, almost gold, eyes. The freckles that were sprinkled across his nose really stood out when he yelled.

"I um... I don't really know anything of well… that I... um… ya." I tried to process everything he had said but it didn't make any sense. I studied his face, looking for a trace of humour; there was none.

"You really don't know?" He looked dumbfounded. Taking one step forward, he touched the side of my arm. "What's wrong with you? I mean, why are you in a sick room?"

"I lost my memory," I answered simply.

"Oh, when?"

"Well I guess around a month ago," I tried to sound calm but ended up sounding like an idiot.

He stared into my eyes and something crossed his face. I don't know why but I wanted to hug him, this complete stranger, whose name I didn't even know!

"What's your name?" I had to ask.

"Ahhh introductions." He smiled as he said this. "I'm Keith Paller, and you'd be?''

"Love, my name's Love," I answered quickly, making sure there was no hesitation in my voice.

"Well it's nice to m…" the door knob started to twist open and in came the dinner healer (as I called him).

"What on earth do you think you're doing in here?" he asked sharply.

"I well… looking for my mother… wrong room... I'm sorry," Keith looked down at the floor as if afraid he'd be punished.

"Leave now and don't mention her to anyone!" the healer commanded.

"Why?" Keith asked bravely.

"Because it's the rule. You should know all this by now Mr. Paller," the healer seemed to be getting angry as he said these words. That's when I started to fear this healer; he seemed like a total nut case. He pulled out his wand; I didn't want to see him hex Keith.

"Yes sir I'm sorry to cause any trouble for you," and with that Keith left the room, leaving me and the dinner healer alone.

"There's a war going on," I said simply. I know, I know I shouldn't have added anything to it but I felt the need to. "No one will talk to me because they're afraid they might slip and say something that might give it all away." I hated the way the dinner healer looked at me, the obvious pity in his eyes.

He didn't say anything, just turned on his heel and left.

I lay in that bed waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. No one came in or out of my room other than healers. Just me. I didn't expect anything to happen, but on the third day I heard a knock on my door!

Then Keith walked in. I was so happy and surprised. A big smile was on his face. He closed the door quickly and I had felt a bright smile as wide as his make its way onto my face.

"Love, you're looking lovely today, just as I left you." I knew this was flirty humour; however, all I could see was the hands - holding on to each other - and my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. The throbbing pain was unbearable. I wanted it to go away, and just as I had wanted the pain left - except along with it went the light, leaving me in the dark staring at two hands grasping each other.