Bones: I would say inhuman.
Spock: Thank you, doctor.
Bones: Darn it! Not like that.
Scotty: Cap'n, I think the turbonator's busted. Ah, tis all me fault!
Spock: A result of my own clumsiness.
Kirk: It's OK, you guys. We'll live. I'm JIM KIRK, remember!? Of course we'll be fine.
Spock: Somehow, I'm not comforted.
Bones: Ugh, me neither. Jim's a teesny bit stuck up.
Spock: Of course, it's true. Though his usual methods might not help us now.
Bones: What's that method?
Spock: Making out with a femal extra. How long should it take you to fix the turbonator, Scotty?
Scotty: Longer than we have. But I could always conveniently fix it in fifty-three minutes. Just so we can end the epsiode on ti-- er, I mean, so that we'll be able to escape from those Klingons.
Kirk: What Klingons?
Scotty: They'll show up. Trust me, laddy, they'll show up.
Kirk: Dang. Figured this would be too easy. Full speed ahead!
Chekov: But we can't move, sir. The turbonator's busted.
Kirk: Sure. Whatever. Then flounder uselessly in space for a while.
Chekov: Aye-Aye, sir.
Kirk: Aye-yi-yi is right, ensign.
Chekov: You know, this reminds me of when I was a little girl in Russia.
Bones: Litte girl?
Chekov: Boy. I meant boy.
(KIRK buries head in hands, whimpering softly)
Kirk: How much longer must I put up with you people!?
(BONES leans real close to KIRK'S ear and whispers)
Kirk: (Jumps to feet) Fourty-seven minutes!?
Scotty: Ah can't take it any more! Good-bye, cruel Universe!
Kirk: Shut up. And fix that stupid turbonator, will you? (Glares as SCOTTY heads for turbolift) Honestly, sometimes I want to kill that man. Always hogging the drama which is rightfully mine.
Spock: That is not logical.
Kirk: And why not?
Spock: Dead men do not obey.
Bones: What are you telling us these things for?
Spock: While it is true that we have a wide range of possibilities for 53 minute skits, I think it would be better if we had a story where someone died and was then resurrected. Illogical, and yet
Bones: SHUT UP!
Scotty & Chekov: AYE!
Kirk: Scotty, go fix that darn turbonator. Or else!
Scotty: What'll ye do, laddie?
(KIRK whispers something in Scottish and the engeineer races off stage whimpering.)
Spock: Look!
Bones: Darkness is falling.
Kirk: No! I'm too young to die! I've kissed too few women and had my shirt torn to few times and if you must know, I want my mommy!
Spock: Captain. Be logical.
Kirk: But
Spock: It's the commercial break.
Kirk: Right. I knew that.
(THE CREW nod and wink at each other, grinning behind their hands as the screen darkens on the first act)