After a long time of computer troubles with posting and reviewing in a few instances, and eye pain, I'm-a back!
With the little strength left in my eye, I may get eye pain, due to a disease, and head-aches. And as most people know, it's a bad idea to use computers when having a head-ache. The voice in my computer does give me more head pain if I use the computer, and that's why I was gone for a while.
I have the next chapter ready for my Ganondorf torcher fic, but need to do some editing...
...a lot of editing!
For now, enjoy this story out of my head on how the slowest character in Brawl gets to the breakfast table in the morning.
----------Journey to the Kitchen----------
BBBRRRIIINNNGGGG! BBBBRRRIIINNNGGG!
The snobbish, unhygenic, smelly, rich, fat twin brother of mario, Wario if no one figured it out, was sleeping on his mound of dir- I mean bed as his alarm clock was ringing, and some rats were enjoying feasting on his left over pizza from last night.
BBBRRRIIINNNGGG! BBBRRRIIINNNGGG! BBBRRRIIINNNGGG!
"ZZZZZZZZZ, Garlic!" Wario declared as his foul breathe killed a mouse who was nearby, and decayed its corpes instantly!
"Screw you!" the clock shouted while jumping, "20 years of doing this, and I can't get him to wake in time!: Time for drastic measures...again."
A robotic arm lifted up a 2 ton weight, with the arm being controlled by the clock, and carried it over above Wario's head.
If you were thinking that it was going to drop the weight on Wario...think again.
"ZZZZZZ, 'Sniff' Garlic!" Wario exclaimed as he woke up, and lunged at the weight that was made of pure garlic. He knocked the block onto the ground, making it land on all the mice in the room on the pizza box, and devoured it, the mice, and the box in a few seconds.
Wario belched, and slapped his hands together, "If only garlic can fill me up," Wario then looked at the clock, "...2:00 AM! I'm late to get on my way to breakfast!"
Wario ate the nightcap (How did that magicaly appear on his head every morning) on his head, and belched out his yellow hat.
Wario fought through the mounds of garbage, business plans, more pizza boxes, Virtual Boys (What's he doing with those), bodies of people who atempted to clean this place up, radio active waste,...
*after an entire list of foul substances except one, later*
and stuff from his nose, he made it to the door.
"Mario complains I don't exercise much," Wario thought as he opened the door, "but that was an hour of swimming to reach this door."
Wario ran down the hallway of the third floor to the first floor and his goal, the breakfast table.
And this was the Smash Mansion...though Master Hand was thinking of making it a Smash Hotel, and charging all the smasher money to stay here.
This must be a big place, right? And Wario should go at his high speed to get there, correct?
"What high speed!" someone from the audience, you, shouts angrily.
Everyone has a high speed. Wario is going at an amazing speed of half foot a second, and his swimming speed in his room was an impressive one inch a minute.
"Wait," Wario relized something, "My hog. I can use it to reach my goal."
Wario pulled out his motorcycle, and hopped on. He reved the engine, and let it rip!
PPPFFFTTT!
I didn't his fart, I meant his hog.
"You know that thing is only capible of traveling 20 feet before becoming useless," an audience member, you again, informs me as Wario falls of his hog after 20 feet of travel.
"Ow," Wario groaned as he stood up, and continued down the hallways of the mansion.
After about 4 hours, Wario has traveled a remarkable 7200 feet, a feat capible of a normal human in 12 minutes. Or by Sonic in about .000000000000021 sec.
It is now 7:00 AM, and everyone was awake. Wario is on the first staircase going down to the second floor.
"Almost there," Wario panted as he went down each step at a rate of one step a minute.
Snake, and Yoshi went down the steps in a few seconds.
"I'll eventually make it," Wario encouraged himself.
Toon Link zoomed by.
"Doing good Wario," Wario said to himself, "I usually meet toon Link on the third step, but I'm on the sixth!"
Wario slipped on a banana peal left by Diddy Kong since the monkey likes to pull pranks, and Wario was the unlucky victim.
"UUUF! OW! ERG! GAH! OOOHH! MY HEAD! THAT'S GOING TO HURT IN THE MORNING! WAIT! IT'S MORNING ALREADY! OW! NOT MY HAPPY ZONE!"
A new record! What usually takes two hours took Wario 6 minutes, and 14 seconds.
"I wonder," Wario said slowly getting up.
"Food," Pikachu mindlessly said as he went down the steps.
"Food," Kirby said as he mindlessly went down the steps.
"Food," Luigi mindlessly said, and mindlessly went down the steps.
"Samus," Captain Falcon mindlessly said, mindlessly went down the steps, and was apparently drunk.
Pikachu's ears twich, "Huh?"
"What is it buddy?" Kirby asked his best bud.
"I hear something heavy coming, and fast," Pikachu informed everyone.
"But Bowser is already downstairs," Luigi told everyone.
"And that ton of lard Wario is too slow-," Captain Falcon was cut off by thumps from the stairs above them.
"GAH! UUF! OW! MY LEG! GRRR! I WANT FOOD! GARLIC!" Wario's voice was heard coming closer, and getting louder by the second.
Soon, Wario, who was now a wrecking ball of death, was tumbling down the steps in plain site of the four smashers.
"RRRUUUUNNNNN!" Pikachu shouted as all four of them were sprinting down the steps.
Wario came tumbling down.
Kirby was behind all of Pikachu, CF, and Luigi.
Wario came tumbling closer.
Kirby was about to be squashed.
Wario came tumbling closer
Remembering he can float, Kirby puffed himself up, and floated from the fat guy rolling down the steps.
Wario came tumbling faster.
Luigi was slower than the other two smashers.
Wario came tumbling faster.
Luigi was in danger of becoming part of the steps...like Mr. G&W, who was doing this to avoid Wario.
Wario is going to squish you.
"Who saying that?" Luigi thought as he leaped high into the air, and avoided Wario.
DARN.
"Who's doing that?" I said from another room.
Wario is going faster pancakes.
Pikachu and CF were neck and neck down the steps.
"Wario tumbles faster than yal!
"He's coming!" Captain Falcon yelled at the speeding ball of garlic and fat.
"I don't want to diiiee!" Pikachu cried.
Oh Yeah! Your gonna be squished.
"Hmmm," I looked around to find that voice.
Pikachu remembered something from his time in the Pokemon world. The Super sprint from his Holiday special.
"I wish I knew you well Pika-you bastard!" Captain Falcon was about to give last words until he noticed a yellow blurr already entering the kitchen, "I'm going to ring your neck you yellow f-"
SQUISH!
Awsome!
"Ah-Ha!" I found the person making the voice, and it was Diddy Kong, "That was annoying as all hell. Stop that." I proceeded to destroy his voice over equipment.
Wario finally reached the bottom, creating an earthquake that registered 10 on the Ricter scale, but everyone ignored it, and left the deflated corpes of Captain Falcon on the steps.
"Well we turn into trophies when we die," Wario informed everyone as Captain Falcon turned into a trophy, "but at least he's quiet."
Wario saw an empty chair in the kitchen 20 feet away, "It's time for my hog!"
Wario pulled another motorcycle from out of nowhere, and rode it the full 20 feet to the chair. He fell on his face again, and sat on the chair, right next to King DeDeDe.
"Surprising that these chairs can support 100 tons of pressure," King DeDeDe remarked as breakfast was being served by R.O.B robots working for minimum wadge.
Wario's eyes widened at his breakfast, and drueled as King DeDeDe, and others nearby covered their noses.
"Garlic pie!"
---------------
I hope this story was somewhat amusing, and lifted your spirits if something went wrong, today, or something from a while back that still affects you till today.
This was the sad comedy styling of Smash Knight 23!
Judge me in your reviews if you want this to change, for the better, worse, or weird.
In a review if you want, but reading it makes me happy too. And I'll continue to type stories, until something goes horriblely wrong with life, computer, or what not.
Smash Knight 23, heading home.