3x16 'No Rest For The Wicked'—Coda
Characters/Pairing: Dean, Sam (Dean/Sam, implied)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters (oh I wish I did)
Warnings: Death!fic, character death, suicide
Wordcount: 900
Rating: T
Summary: What if the most important thing you've ever had in your life is gone?
He could see the last rise of his brother's chest. Sam forgets to breathe; he tries to grasp for air but it seems like his lungs are refusing to work the way they should. All he can see is his brother lying on the floor, shredded and completely lifeless. The hellhounds are long gone by now; all they have left is one life, Sam's life, a life that's not worth living anymore, not now that his brother's gone. He's gone. Dead. He died. For me. All Sam was living for is gone in the blink of an eye and the worst thing was—Sam could've stopped it, Ruby said he could but he didn't get the chance.
He would have done anything for his brother, anything possible to safe him from his nightmare! He tried so hard; he didn't want his brother go to hell, not for HIM! But he's gone and he won't come back and that thought hurts so bad, Sam thinks he's dying just of the pain he's feeling. It almost feels like somebody's ripped his still beating heart out of his chest and torn it into thousands of little pieces until there's no blood left to bleed.
He wishes that the hellhounds would have killed him as well. A life without Dean is like being dead already, just even worse. He crawls to his brother's dead body, tears already starting to flow down his pale cheeks. Long fingers reach out, hands trembling, to touch Dean's face, just to feel that the skin is already cooling down—the light in his green eyes is long gone, the warmth in them turned stiff cold.
"Dean..." it just comes out in a weak sob and Sam doesn't even recognize his own voice. He clings to his brother's body, not willing to let go. He said he would save him.
"I guess I gotta save your ass for a change."—those were the words he told his brother after they killed the yellow-eyed demon, the night after Dean gave his soul for the life of his little brother.
He promised himself to save Dean but he failed. He always failed. He couldn't keep his promise. Sam holds the dead body more firmly to his own, tries to warm Dean, tries to bring the life back into him, but the body grows colder and colder each minute that passes by. Sam can't hold the tears back any longer, doesn't even try to hold them back. He cries out Dean's name but his brother stays silent, his green eyes staring back at Sam's own.
All seems to be so blurry around him, the tears still filling his eyes, slowly dripping down his nose and onto Dean's forehead. It's mixing with the red blood that is already drying on Dean's now dead-pale skin.
Sam has no idea how long he lays there, beside Dean. He doesn't move, not one inch. "How am I supposed to live without you Dean..." his voice fills the room that's stayed silent since Lilith left Ruby's body, the scream still ringing in Sam's ears but he doesn't care—not anymore. Dean's gone and he wishes he'd be gone, too. He doesn't recognize that he's still holding Ruby's knife in his right hand, the fingers of his left hand tangled with his brother's. Not until now.
"We'll be together... again. Dean, I promise. It's a promise I can keep. I know I can." Sam's breath starts to come out of his lungs more steadily but the sobs don't stop; they never will. Sam straightens himself, tries to sit himself up properly.
Sam glares at Ruby's knife. We'll be together, Dean—it's the last thought that goes through Sam's head before he forces the knife to the wrist of his left hand. One deep vertical cut along his artery, the artery that keeps the blood warm, the blood that's pumping through his body, the blood that keeps him alive—alive for no reason. There's nothing left to live for. He wants to end this, wants to be by Dean's side even if that means that he has to die, damn it he wants to die. He drops the knife on the floor, hears the pinch noise as the metal meets the cold floor, the floor that's just as cold as his brother's body.
He watches the blood dripping out of the deep cut on his wrist, first slow, but it doesn't take long until there is a pool of blood on the floor, mixing with Dean's blood. Sam crawls back to Dean's body, lays his hand on his brother's and tangles their fingers back together. Carefully he lays his head onto Dean's chest, doesn't care that he has the blood of his brother all over him. All he wants is to be by his side, wants to die in his arms, feel safe somehow.
All of a sudden he feels dizzy, feels the life sliding out of his body. Wasn't it supposed to hurt? It doesn't hurt. He can't feel the physical pain because the pain he feels inside is overwhelming, a pain Sam's never felt before. He squeezes Dean's cold hand one more time, whispers something in his brother's ear and lays a soft kiss on his lips before he slips into a sleep from which he'll never wake up again.
"I love you, Dean. I always loved you."
FIN
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—This world is a cruel place and we're here only to lose
—So before life tears us apart let death bless me with you
—This life ain't worth living, this life ain't worth living
—JOIN ME IN DEATH by HIM
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A/N: The song "Join Me In Death" by HIM pretty much inspired my muse for this little ficlet. I wrote it a few days after the S3 finale aired but I just signed up and I wanted to post it so it's kind of an older fic & also my first fanfiction ever (and my only one to date). It's also my first story written in English (which is not my first language by the way).
I'm still pretty nervous about 'publishing' my stories so please review the story and let me know what you think. It'd mean a lot to me :)