Author's note: I'll try my best to censor cuss words, e.g. f-ck as foop. This fanfiction is a mash between Ouran High School Host Club and a bit of Clamp School Detectives.

"As much as I love you, darling, why oh why are we here?"

A sigh. "Don't call me darling."

"God, tell me why we're here!"

"Angie, can we just try to find where Hannah is right now?" Monica massaged her temples in frustration, eyes shut tight as she leant on the wall opposite of Angie's.

"What mess has she got into now?" Angie groaned, eyes squinting at the awful color paint of the walls. The school they were currently inside is prestigious yes, but quite a sore to the eyes. Who would want to paint their school pink?

"I don't know," her friend answered, "Something about getting into this club or whatever."

"Why would she join a club that's not in our school? Why here of all places?"

Monica ran her fingers through her hair as she started walking, "Like I'd know."

Minutes later, both girls stood in front of the abandoned music room, eyes staring somewhat accusingly on the sign right beside the classroom.

"You think she's here?"

"That's what the chairman said."

Once again running her hands through the strands of her long side-swept bangs, Monica turned the knob and entered, greeted by—

"Welcome!"

Silence.

"What the foop are these?" Angie almost shrieked, removing rose petals from her thick curly hair. "Why would rose petals fly out of nowhere?" She asked no one in particular, mumbling a string of curses afterwards as she struggled removing the petals off her hair.

"More importantly, why are there gay boys posing in front of us?" Monica rose one eyebrow at the group who still stayed in their positions, except for one.

"We are not gay!" A blonde guy shouted, rising from his throne and gracefully stomped his way to the girls.

"If we were, we wouldn't be attracted to you graciously delicate fine women," he smiled a dashing smile, roses seemingly bloom around his face, shining.

Monica could only cringe in response.

"Get away from me," she barked, once again massaging her temples.

The blonde boy winced and stared shockingly at her, and all of a sudden was in the corner of the room, moping, dark clouds forming on his head as he mumbled, "I was rejected..for the third time.."

A brown haired petite guy sighed as he saw the president of the club sulking. Turning around, he shot Monica an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, he's normally like that," he smiled at her.

Monica rose both her eyebrows this time, eyes scrutinizing the lad without looking offensive, observing the boy in front of her for a moment. "I see."

"Hannah! There you are!" Angie screamed in delight, seeing their precious secretary on the tea table, serving…tea.

Angie ran to her, smiling with relief that finally they found her. "Why are you— Wait a minute," Angie squinted her eyes and studied Hannah as her eyes moved up and down at her, stopping when she saw Hannah preparing tea.

"Why the heck are you preparing tea?"

Hannah chuckled nervously, "I can explain.."

"What the heck is going on here?" Monica walked towards where her vice president and secretary were.

"She's serving tea," two voices simply answered, and both Angie and Monica looked behind them to see who responded. Twins. Freaking pink haired twins.

"Ahhhhhhh! My eyes! My eyes!" Angie shrieked.

"Calm down, woman!" Monica sighed, annoyed. Eyes back on the twins, she deadpanned, "We know what she's doing, clearly," her eyes flickered at Hannah who in turn nervously smiled. "What we want to know is why she is doing something like preparing tea for a club she doesn't even belong to."

"How can you say that?" A too-cute-for-a-blonde-boy spoke, holding a bunny, yet again in pink color.

"God, what is with this place and the color pink," Angie groaned loudly in the background. Monica ignored her.

The short blonde boy eyed Monica with teary eyes and he looked up at her. "Hannah-chan is a member of the Host Club. She's new so she's doing trivial chores," he spoke in such a sickening cute voice that irritated the foop out of Monica. Gay boys, she decided.

A tall black haired guy stood behind the short blonde and carried him like a stuff toy, placing him gently on the tall man's broad shoulders.

Monica stared at the odd two for a while, then let her eyes observe the other members of the so called club. There was the idiotic prince-like blonde earlier, the petite brown-haired one, the twins, the short blondie with the tall silent guy, and another black haired guy with glasses. Monica could only stare at the glasses guy. At least there's two normal people here, she commented in her head, referring to both the glasses guy and the petite boy.

"What is this club anyways?" Angie spoke up, walked and stood beside Monica. When they stood together like that, Monica with her arms crossed and Angie blowing the last piece of petal from her forehead, they ooze power. Something the glasses guy picked up.

"We're the Host Club! Ouran High School is defined by, one, prestigious families. Two, wealth. And you know what? We prosperous people have so much time in our hands. So, us host club is about a group of handsome men that have time, giving hospitality and service to lovely ladies who also have time, and profit from them," the prince-like blonde happily explained, seemingly powered with so much energy that once again, blooming red roses start to appear around his bodice.

"Male prostitution."

Silence.

The prince-like blonde was making incoherent sounds from his opened mouth in shock, face pale at such disgusting words coming from a lady. Angie shrugged her shoulders. She didn't mean to say it, but she said it anyways.

"If you think of it that way," said the twins, sticking their tongues out indifferent towards their club's president, to which the prince-like blonde's jaw dropped further to the floor, "This is not prostitution! Okaa-saan!" He turned to the glasses guy, teary-eyed.

The glasses guy sighed but talked. "Prostitution is a strong word for it. It's basically just tea party with the ladies and whichever host they want to designate."

"Hm," Monica absorbed the information. "If this is a host club, and obviously it's a guy thing for girls, then why is Hannah and this petite brunette," she pointed at the brown-haired guy earlier, "Part of the club?"

"Huh? What do you mean, Mo?" Angie confusingly looked at the petite guy. "I know Hannah does not fit in this club cuz she's a girl, but why this boy?"

The prince-like blonde stood rigid while the other members waited, wary.

"Oh come on Ange," Monica rolled her eyes, "She's obviously a girl, look at her!" She pointed at the brunette once again.

"She is? My god, why is she wearing a guy's uniform then!"

The boy/girl smiled slightly, "I'm okay with it. I actually have a debt with the club so I have to be a host."

"As for you, young lady," Angie zeroed in on Hannah, "What is your reason why you're in this outrageous club!"

Hannah sighed, "Don't worry, I'm not forced. I actually like the whole deal of talking to girls over tea."

"You're not a guy," Monica pointed out, making herself comfortable in one of the sofas in the room. Hannah happily hopped towards Monica and gave her a cup of hot tea.

"What are you doing, Hannah? Stop that this instant! Monica! Don't just sit there and accept the tea and drink it! Monica!" Angie shrieked once again.

"Oh wow, we're in for some huge mess, tono," the twins remarked as they both turned their heads towards their club president.

"So? The more members, the merrier!" He cheered.

"Hey, we never said we'd join!" both Monica and Angie shouted from the background.

"Namusanbou…" Haruhi sighed to herself in defeat.

A/N: Namusanbou meaning "Oh my great Buddha!"