A/N: This is a songfic. Lyrics from the song "Edge of the Earth" by Blessid Union of Souls. I don't own the song, I just think it's beautiful. Come to think of it, I don't own Gundam Wing either … yet. *shifty eyes accompanied by foreboding music* Please let me know what you think … you wouldn't want to damage my psyche, would you? So leave a review, even if it's to let me know I wasted your time. So without further ado …
- - - - -
*Tap tap tap PING! Tap tap tap PING! Tap tap tap …*
Duo was nervous, and therefore fidgety. Perched precariously atop a colorfully painted jungle gym, he simultaneously pounded his boot heel against the metal frame as he tossed pebbles at a shiny, silver slide a few meters away. It was an unusually cold day, so Duo had the park all to himself as he huddled in his jacket. Night would fall soon, but Duo wasn't going anywhere. Not yet.
He reached into his left palm with icy fingers, only to discover that his cache of pebbles had been depleted. Wiping his hand on his pants, he deftly leapt from his vantage point to the fine gravel that was spread about the playground. Still no one. Duo was nervous and impatient.
He ambled over to a row of swings, and threw himself onto one heavily. Rocking back and forth slightly, Duo rested his forehead against one of the chains and sighed. Faintly visible wisps of his breath floated away in front of him.
"Baka. It's cold. Don't you have any gloves?" Duo looked up, hardly surprised to see that Heero had taken the swing next to him with silent grace, as if appearing from no where.
"Heya, Heero," he grinned slowly, unable to look away from the intense steel blue of Heero's stare. "It's not so bad."
"That is a matter of perspective," Heero replied tonelessly, and he began to pull off his own gloves.
"Heero, no," Duo started to protest, but Heero didn't stop. He offered his gloves to Duo with a serious face.
"Put them on. We … we can share," he said softly.
"But … ah, nothing. Arigato, Heero," Duo gave in, putting of the proffered gloves with a grateful smile. Heero merely let his eyes wander, unaccustomed to such obvious gratitude.
"Interesting meeting place," he observed, his eyes roving over the slides, the monkey bars, the rickety merry-go-round with the rust spots and chipped paint.
"Yeah, well," Duo shrugged, sniffing quietly as his nose threatened to run. "Usually it's great to come here. Tons of kids to watch and laugh at. But not tonight. It's too cold … it's too late. Just us two." He bowed his head, digging his toe into the pebbles beneath his feet.
"It's a nice place," Heero agreed, then shifted gears as he turned to look at Duo again. "We need to talk."
"I know," Duo nodded, never raising his gaze. Heero leaned forward, attempting to catch his eyes, and then sighed as Duo avoided him.
"Duo, I …" he began, and then paused as if rethinking his words. "No use edging around it, I suppose. I'm leaving, Duo."
"I know," Duo repeated, this time his voice a mere whisper. His words shook a little, and he sighed despondently. "I know, Heero."
I knew that this moment would come in time
That I'd have to let go and watch you fly
Heero blinked, unsure whether or not to guess that Duo was crying. He shifted his feet nervously and clasped his hands together.
"Not forever, Duo. I won't be gone forever."
I know you're coming back
So why am I dying inside?
"I know," Duo said, shuddering a little. He pretended to brush his bangs out of his face, effectively banishing his accumulating tears. He knew that that was coming, but it still hurt like hell to hear him say it. He finally looked up at Heero, a forced smile playing on his lips. "You wouldn't do that to me, I know. So."
"So," Heero repeated, watching the emotion swirl in Duo's hurt eyes. His mouth was suddenly too dry, his insides feeling surprisingly heavy. "Uh … Duo?"
"Yeah?"
"I … uh. Well, that is …" Heero stumbled over his words, then shook his head in frustration. "Do you want a push?"
"Oh. Sure, Heero," Duo nodded after a slight pause, doing his best to smile. For a moment Duo saw relief flit across Heero's face, but it wasn't strong enough to mask the guilt and pain in his eyes. He stood and strode behind Duo, his shoes crunching the gravel beneath him. Gentle hands pressed against Duo's back, and the braided young man grasped the chains.
Are you searching for words that you can't find?
Trying to hide your emotions, but eyes don't lie
Guess there's no easy way to say goodbye
Moments passed, Heero's hands propelling Duo through the air. He always came back again, and Heero relished the feel of the black leather that clothed Duo's shoulders. Duo swung with his eyes closed, holding his breath with each push until he felt the assurance of Heero's hands again. Even though Duo couldn't see him, he was there. He could feel him. If only real life could be the same. But it wouldn't, and so Duo would have to wait.
'I'll be here, Heero,' he thought fiercely. 'Whenever you want, I'll be here.' He drew a steady breath.
So I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday
"Higher, Heero. Push me higher!" he urged playfully, trying to ease the awkwardness. Heero gave a rough bark that Duo knew to be a laugh, and Heero pushed harder. Duo swung his legs, and smiled forlornly.
"Ready, Heero? One … two … three!" He leapt from the swing and flew through the air. He landed squarely on his feet, but the impact jarred him back to the present. He couldn't just act like nothing was wrong. That wouldn't make the pain go away. His shoulders slumped.
Heero was beside him, his face worried. Duo took his hand in his own before he could say anything, and they began to walk.
"When?" Duo asked quietly, leading them around the little playground.
"Tonight," Heero replied. He didn't have to ask what Duo meant.
"How long?"
"I don't know," Heero sighed.
"A long time?" Duo asked, twining his fingers in and out of Heero's. There was the fidgeting again.
"Probably."
"Oh." Duo deflated visibly, and his hand fell limp. Heero clutched it, pulling Duo so that they were face to face.
"I have to, Duo."
"I know. I understand, Heero, I do," Duo said, blinking a little more than normal. He did understand. Heero did have a lot of questions about his past, and he deserved answers. Now that the war was over, he could finally go seek them. Duo couldn't deny him that. He would have gladly accompanied Heero, but he knew it wasn't possible. Some places no one could follow. He let his eyes fall to the ground, and almost immediately his chin was forced up by chilled fingers.
"You're mad at me, aren't you."
Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say
I don't want to let you leave this way
Without hesitation, and without bothering fully meet Heero's eyes, Duo pulled Heero into a tight embrace. Resting his cheek against Heero's chest as he hunched in Heero's willing arms, he sighed.
"No, Heero, I'm not mad," he said firmly. "I believe in you. And you need to do this. I want you to be happy. If this is what it takes … I want you to go."
I want you to know that I stand right by your side
"Actually, that's not totally true," he continued with a pitiful attempt at a laugh. "I'd be lying if I said I wanted you to leave me here without you. But if you stay, you won't ever be fulfilled. So I'll …"
I'll be praying for whatever it's worth
Believing that one day you'll come back to me
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday
"I'll wait, Heero. As long as you need, I'll wait."
"Duo," Heero breathed into Duo's hair, clutching his precious burden tightly to him. "Arigato, Duo. You're … my best friend. I … ai shiteru, Duo. You know that, don't you?"
Despite himself, Duo began to sob into Heero's chest.
And I know this may be
The very last time we see each other cry
But whatever happens, know that I'll …
Somehow they had ended up on a bench. Duo looked up from Heero's protective circle of arms, tears still sliding down his cheeks as he hiccupped. Then his eyes widened as he looked at Heero's face.
Heero had been crying, too.
Heero was still crying.
"I do know that," Duo whispered. "Ai shiteru, Heero. Don't you forget it."
"Never," Heero promised, and Duo let his head fall onto Heero's shoulder. Dusk was descending rapidly, the western sky streaked with orange and pink. The first stars were just beginning to twinkle in the darker parts of the sky. It was silent, and for a long while the two young men simply huddled on the bench together. There was nothing left to say, it seemed.
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth, hoping that someday
You'll come back to me
A slow smile spread on Duo's face. This was his last night with Heero for what might be a long, hard time. He'd be damned if he wasn't going to enjoy it. There would be time for sulking later. Stealthily, his hand crept inside of Heero's unzipped jacket, and suddenly the perfect soldier was subjected to a barrage of tickling.
Heero twisted away with a slight yelp, and Duo snickered as he followed easily. Heero bit down on his bottom lip as he scooted away, his face contorted with discomfort. Duo knew that he was very ticklish, and grinned devilishly as Heero ran out of room on the bench.
"Now I've got you!" he said triumphantly, his hand closing over Heero's ribs. Heero jerked back, and his eyes widened as he met empty air. A second later he was rolling onto the ground, Duo following with a whoop of delight as he attacked his companion.
"Duo! Duo, stop it! You baka!" Heero growled, trying unsuccessfully to push Duo away. Duo laughed maniacally.
"No way, Heero!"
"All right, then. Have it your way," Heero said, and his hands retaliated. Duo squealed, being ticklish himself, and jabbed at Heero again.
"No fair!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Well how about this?" Heero tugged on Duo's braid, using his reaction to gain the upper hand. He managed to sit up and pin Duo down.
"Give up," he demanded.
"No dice," Duo replied. Heero rolled his eyes at the expression.
"Give up," he repeated.
"Never! Kill me if you must, but I'll never surrender to the likes of you!" Duo said dramatically, wriggling beneath Heero's hands. Heero only tightened his grip, and leaned forward.
"Baka. I'm not letting you go until you agree to stop."
"Hmm, what's that? You're mumbling, Heero," Duo said cheekily. Heero frowned and leaned down a bit closer.
"Duo …!" He was silenced as Duo suddenly lunged up and kissed him.
Waiting for someday, believing in someday, praying for someday …
Heero froze, and then melted into the contact. He let go of Duo to pull him up into his arms, deepening the kiss as Duo pressed close to him. The emotions in the action were overpowering with want and desperation, and only when he acknowledged the need to breathe did Heero relinquish Duo's lips.
"Heero," Duo breathed, smiling softly as he rested his forehead against Heero's.
"Duo," Heero replied, hoping that his lack of words would be made up for by his actions. He caressed Duo's cheek lightly.
"Heero?"
"Hai?"
Suddenly Duo flicked Heero's nose and leapt to his feet, grinning challenge.
"I'm free! Tag, Heero, you're it!" With that he dashed off toward the play equipment, his braid flicking defiantly around his shoulders.
"Get back here!" Heero demanded, on his feet instantly and giving chase. Duo laughed and dodged behind a large wooden playset.
Longing for someday, clinging to someday, cherishing someday …
Minutes passed as they chased each other, almost child-like as they threw insults and shouted. The darkness intensified as it grew later, but for Heero and Duo there was only each other. Duo ran up a slide as Heero dove for him, laughing as he scrambled for the top.
"Gotta be quicker than that, Heero!"
"Oh really. Like this?" Heero lunged up the slide, grabbing at Duo's ankle. Duo yelped and twisted as he lost his fickle balance on the unstable surface, and he slid down the slide on his back. Heero loomed over him at the bottom, effectively keeping him from escaping.
"I win," he said proudly. Duo flashed his teeth as he dimpled.
"So you do," he conceded. " Pick your prize, Heero." Heero's expression gained a smug quality, and he lowered himself onto Duo for another kiss. Duo eagerly wrapped his arms around the victor, and they laid together on the slide.
Thinking of someday, dreaming of someday, wishing for someday …
The street lights had come on when the two finally looked up again, Heero's head resting on Duo's chest. Duo stroked his back comfortingly, ignoring the discomfort of his legs as they hung from the edge of the slide. He tried to shift discreetly, but Heero noticed and pushed himself up. Duo opened his mouth to protest, but Heero pressed a finger to his lips with a surprisingly sincere smile.
"The slide is cold," he said. "Let's walk." Duo nodded and allowed Heero to hoist him to his feet.
"The slide might be cold, but your fingers are ice," he commented, the feeling of Heero's finger on his mouth still lingering. "Have your gloves back."
"No," Heero shook his head.
"But Heero …" Duo began to protest.
"I want you to have them," Heero replied. "I'll keep my hands warm enough." Then he put his arm around Duo, burying his hand in Duo's opposite pocket as he did. He shoved his other hand in his own pocket, and looked at his companion.
"Satisfied?"
"For now," Duo nodded, realizing it was true. On this night, as long as Heero's warmth was pressed against his side, as long as they walked together, he would be more than satisfied.
Living for someday, counting on someday
"It's getting late," Duo said glumly. They had left the playground and now wandered on a trail in the actual park. Not far away was the river; Duo could hear it purling. It was the only sound besides their breathing. Heero squeezed him tighter to his side.
"I know," Heero replied. "I'll … I'll walk you home before I go."
"Okay," Duo sighed. "You know how to reach me when you go, if you ever …"
"Yeah," Heero nodded. "I'll keep in touch, Duo. There's no way I couldn't."
"I'm glad," Duo said softly, and looked up at the full ivory moon that lit the path above them. "I'll be okay, Heero. I … I love you." He whispered the phrase, as if he was afraid that the words would escape and lose meaning. Heero pressed a light kiss into Duo's cheek.
"I love you, too."
Later, from his apartment window, Duo watched Heero walk away down the street. Tears blurred his eyes, and when Heero's hazy figure finally disappeared from view he turned from the window with a shuddering sob. Throwing himself onto the bed, he clung to the words Heero had spoken and the last caresses that they had shared. Heero was coming back. He had promised.
But sleep was a long way away for Duo Maxwell.
Knowing that one day … I will see you