Look Beyond the Clouds
AN: I heard the song "The Sun is Rising" recently and loved it – and after a few listens, I had this idea that just wouldn't leave me alone until I got it down on paper. The song is such a beautiful message, and if you haven't heard it, I encourage you to go google or youtube it (by Britt Nicole). It's such a beautiful message.
Giving credit where it's due: I don't own the lyrics or melody of the song "The Sun is Rising." I also don't own the characters or their backstories. The lines of dialogue at the beginning are taken from the diner scene at the end of the season 3 finale, though not all the lines are there, as you'll see. Plus, the song lyrics are a bit out of order and aren't quite all there, pretty much for better flow of the story and better fit for certain moments.
Regina fixed what she hoped was an understanding, not-unwelcoming expression on her face as Emma escorted the young woman over, hoping to help put the latter at ease over meeting the once-Evil Queen.
"Regina, I would like you to meet—"
"Marian?!" All three women turned in time to see Robin rising out of his seat, his disbelieving gaze fixed on the newcomer.
"Robin?"
"I thought I'd never see you again!"
Regina watched, stunned, as her soul mate wrapped his arms around his wife and son, holding them tightly to him. Her lungs seized, and a knot took up residence in her chest. Marian – Robin's wife?! Shock and betrayal warred for dominance within her as she turned back to see the equally stunned face of the Savior.
"You did this?!"
"I just wanted to save her life." Sorrow and guilt shone out of Emma's eyes, but Regina did not have it in her in this moment to be generous toward the family that always seemed to separate her from those she loved.
"You're just like your mother – never thinking of consequences!"
Unable to watch the happy family reunion, which signified the disintegration of her own dreams of a happily ever after, Regina turned on her heel and exited the diner.
When life has cut too deep
And left you hurting,
And the future you had hoped for
Is now burning,
The typical sounds of Storybrooke at night, as well as the voices calling out after her, were drowned out by the blood roaring in her ears and the smug, insistent voice of Greg Mendel in her head maintaining that "villains don't get happy endings." She walked down the street on with no purposeful destination, allowing her feet to carry her where they would.
I don't know why I let myself believe I could have love and happiness, she thought as tears welled in her eyes, when the most beautiful moments in my life have gone up in flames. Maybe Greg Mendel was right; maybe, after a certain point, there really is no redemption for all of the bad things I've done in my life.
As she walked, her mind called up memories of those beautiful moments in her life, all of which had ultimately turned to ash. The hope and joy of her first love – sweet wonderful Daniel, who had looked past her social standing and truly saw her as she was – and the beautiful anticipation of building a life together. Only to literally watch it turn to dust when her mother crushed Daniel's heart over her desperate tearful pleas. She recalled the utter torment of having hope once again dangled in front of her that he could be revived only to see the enterprise fail. And then, years later in Storybrooke, one last attempt to revive Daniel had actually worked, but had raised some violent monster rather than her sweet loving Daniel – a monster that she herself had been forced to destroy. Though he had implored her to do it, the anguish that ripped through her soul that night in the stables had been even worse than losing him the first time.
Holding onto her anger and her thirst for vengeance had then kept her going, and brought her some measure of purpose and drive. That diabolical imp had handed her the key to her satisfaction – destroying Snow White's happiness. True, it may not have been a warm fuzzy dream, but it had been her dream at that moment in her life. Though she was deeply saddened and regretful that her father had been sacrificed for it, the Dark Curse had been a thing of beauty – seeing Snow White's shining palace ripped to shreds and her precious True Love hovering between life and death. Until the Savior came to town and broke the curse, restoring everyone's memories and bringing Snow and Charming right back together, stronger than ever.
And the dreams you held so tight
Have lost their meaning,
And you don't know
If you'll ever find healing
She continued walking, paying little attention to her surroundings, as her mind unbidden continued cataloguing her broken dreams. The years of raising Henry, her sweet little prince, had certainly been beautiful and happy. Until he began pulling away from her and ultimately ran away to find his 'real mom,' as he referred to Emma the first night her little yellow bug had darkened the borders of Storybrooke. Her initial attempts to be good had fallen by the wayside, and she knew she had disappointed him. After finally getting back to a good place with Henry and rescuing him from Neverland, she had been forced to send him away with no memories of her. Even now, she recalled Emma's earlier intent to take him back to New York and wondered if she would always have to fight for her place in his life.
And a fairy who had once tried to befriend her had believed in her enough to break the rules of her own kind and steal pixie dust, just to show Regina another chance at love and happiness. She had stood on the threshold of opportunity outside that tavern, having been shown the way to her soul mate – a man with a lion tattoo on his wrist, who was drinking just inside that very tavern. That night, her fear won out over her courage, and she ran from the man she would finally meet years later. She had truly believed that this time, maybe she could have happiness. As Robin had said, maybe it was all about timing. Until Emma had decided to bring back a souvenir from her journey to the past.
How many times was Fate going to have to keep shoving it in her face? True happiness clearly just wasn't in the cards for her.
A gust of wind with a salty bite blew a few strands of hair across Regina's face, calling her attention to her surroundings. While she had been lost in her thoughts, assuming she would end up either at home or her vault or quite possibly at a bar, her feet had instead carried her to the beach. Surprised but not displeased at her destination, Regina walked over to a bench and sat down staring out over the calm water. As she listened to the soft lapping of the waves against the shore, she closed her eyes and remembered Henry's words to her so long ago: "You're not a villain; you're my mom."
Henry does remember me now, she thought, focusing on the one bright spot on her life. He acknowledged that Storybrooke is his home, and argued with Emma to stay here. Maybe my son is my happy ending; after all, it was my kiss on his forehead that broke the last curse.
Regina allowed herself a small smile recalling the loving recognition in her son's eyes as his memories had returned to him. She settled back on the bench, focusing on the soft sound of the waves lapping at the shore to keep her mind from wandering from the small oasis of peace it had found.
You're gonna make it
You're gonna make it
And the night can only last for so long
It was there on the beach that Mary Margaret found her. After watching her for a few moments, Mary Margaret wordlessly approached and sat down next to her on the bench. Regina tensed, waiting for the younger woman to ruin the tentative peace of this place and the moment by spouting her typical hopeful prattle. She was in no state to endure another Mary Margaret pep talk – or worse, an impassioned defense of Emma's actions. She tried to summon the anger that had so long sustained her against this woman and her family, to prepare a retort laced with enough invective to drive away the infuriatingly optimistic brunette. Honestly, the woman would probably try to put a positive spin on Hell itself swallowing up the Earth!
Mary Margaret surprised her, however, when she simply turned her head and met Regina's gaze. For the first time since she had saved a young girl on a runaway horse many lifetimes ago, Regina did not see unrelenting cheerfulness in Mary Margaret's eyes. In fact, Regina was stunned to realize that she could divine no specific intentions for this little visit from Mary Margaret's face or demeanor. Both women sat side-by-side for long moments, after so many years of misunderstandings and struggle and conflict, finally truly seeing one another. The younger brunette was not there to defend her daughter, or to point out that the gaffe had actually fortuitously undone one of Regina's past misdeeds, or even to expound yet again on hope. Mary Margaret was simply there.
Every high and every low
You're gonna go through,
You don't have to be afraid
I am with you.
Simultaneously shaken and comforted by the presence of the young woman who had known her longer than anyone else in this wretched town, Regina turned back to stare out over the water. In her peripheral vision, she saw Mary Margaret do the same. Having resolved the distraction of Mary Margaret's presence, which had also broken her focus on the sound of the water, Regina's mind once again began to replay those shattering moments in the diner. As her mind forced her to again watch Robin sweep Roland and Marian into his strong, solid embrace, one of the tears that had welled in her eyes spilled down her cheek. Even the most resilient heart apparently isn't unbreakable, she thought. Regina wiped the tear tracks from her face and rested a now clenched fist on her thigh, as she took a shaky breath and determinedly blinked away the remaining tears.
In the moments you're so weak
You feel like stopping,
Let the hope you have
Light the road you're walking.
Keeping her gaze on the water, Mary Margaret silently reached over and gently unclenched Regina's hand, taking it in her own. Surprised by the supportive but not-overly-invasive gesture, Regina stared at their hands before turning her head to look at Mary Margaret. The younger woman turned her own head to meet Regina's gaze for several long minutes. Mary Margaret gave Regina's hand a reassuring squeeze and simply nodded her head before staring back out at the sea. Regina felt the corners of her lips wanting to twitch upward as she realized how well she and Mary Margaret had come to understand one another, that they could communicate so effortlessly in absolute silence. She took another deep breath, forcing the air past the knot still residing in her chest, and turned her gaze back to the shoreline. She leaned back against the bench and focused once again on the soft, peaceful sounds of new waves rolling in to lap at the beach. Maybe, just maybe, she hadn't lost everything this time.
You're gonna make it
You're gonna make it
And the night can only last for so long.
"Regina? Regina…"
Regina heard her name being carried to her by a soft, warm voice. She opened her eyes and watched the world come back into focus – sideways. Confused, she blinked several times before realizing that she had fallen asleep and her head had nodded to the side to rest on something solid. The something solid, she realized, was Mary Margaret's shoulder. The voice she had heard also belonged to her stepdaughter, who had evidently remained by her side for the past…um…Regina wasn't sure how long. She didn't know how much time had passed since she had been sitting there at the water's edge, and the darkness still cloaking the world seemed to offer her no clues.
After rolling her head gently to work out the kinks in her neck, Regina turned to find Mary Margaret looking at her expectantly. Regina raised an eyebrow in response, less than thrilled that the younger woman had broken the tolerable, not unpleasant, silence between them. Mary Margaret gave her a reassuring smile, small but somehow still filled with warmth, and tilted her head toward the horizon. Regina gazed in the direction the younger woman had indicated, and noticed pinkish golden rays reaching above the horizon to dispel the darkness.
Whatever your facing,
If your heart is breaking,
There's a promise for the ones who just hold on.
Keeping her gaze on the earliest hints of the new day, Regina took a deep breath and noticed that her chest didn't feel quite so tight this morning. She turned back to face Mary Margaret, who gave her one more gentle smile accompanied by an encouraging nod. Regina's expression softened in acknowledgement and she nodded in return, taking one more deep fortifying breath. Still wrapped in their companionable silence, both women stood from the bench and took one more look at the new dawn before turning to head back to town.
Lift up your eyes and see
The sun is rising
AN: I had originally intended to end the story here, BUT another tiny germ of an idea flitted into my head to show a brief moment after they've left the beach. I've decided to just add that as a second "chapter" (even though it's really just a paragraph or so). So, for those of you who feel like you got some resolution here, feel free to stop here and pretend it was the one-shot it was originally supposed to be. (There have been books and TV shows that I felt kept going needlessly after there had already been resolution, so I totally understand and will take no insult.) For those of you who are curious, there will be another paragraph or two to follow up on the little idea germ that wanted "just a little bit more" from me.