DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto.
Prologue
I don't know what to talk about when I talk about Temari. To tell you the truth, the only thing that remains of her in my memory is the way her hand felt in my hand, in my hair, on my chest. The first thing I forgot was the way her voice sounded. Then, I lost her laugh. Eventually, I started to lose her face. Now when I try to picture her green eyes, her slightly crooked nose, her four blonde pigtails, I see her outline and a big black smudge right over her face. It's not totally opaque, but someday it will be.
I try to tell myself that none of it matters. Temari was just a woman, albeit a particularly troublesome one, and she left my life as quickly and explosively as she came into it. I tell myself that it was too long ago, that it isn't worth thinking about, that in exactly one hour I will forget all about her and let myself fall asleep without wishing for her skin on my skin.
I lie to myself a lot more than I used to.
It's been twenty years, and society doesn't wait for sad men, so I go about my days as expected. I plant flowers, I eat lunch, I try not to think about Temari. Sometimes, this is successful, but then I look at a hydrangea or smell a daffodil or see a blonde girl with slim hips, and I always want them to be her but they never are. The funny thing is that I love blondes, but looking at them gives me a jolt of pain right through the gut.
I wish I had written about Temari sooner, while she was still fresh in my mind and not a black smudge of ink, but I didn't. This is only one in a lifelong series of wrongs. I don't deny that I am a lazy piece of shit a lot of the time, but I would have written these words a thousand times over if I thought I could keep her scent for one more hour. Maybe this is my last effort before I forget her completely. Is that better? Do I want to forget her? It would certainly make my life easier, but I can't shake the empty hole that creeps into my stomach at the thought.
One day the black smoke covering her face will cover everything and I won't be able to see through it. I've known this for a while now. Temari loved me, and here I am forgetting her more every day even when I promised to remember.
This one is for you, Temari. I owe you this much.