Title:ARCHERâ—ŹWHO
Episode: 1-NIGHTMARE IN GERMANY
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy A horse and a flea and three blind mice
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Giddy and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Sat on a curbstone shooting dice
The horse he slipped and fell on the flea
"Whoops," said the flea, "there's a horse on-"
The pale man singing the old tune was sitting on a barrel within his ship he was hansom, his hair was combed back with eyes of pale blue, and an almost emotionless face. unfortunately he had been forced to stop his singing when his strange looking ship which was bigger on the inside started making a loud moaning sound.
"Me..." he finished the tune, he had Lifted himself from the Barrel and walked to the center of the ship which seemed to be a tube with some sort of spring inside with a circular control table at the bottom, he began to twist knobs, pull levers, and press buttons of multiple colors. it didn't seem to work though, considering it kept moaning. "Oh come on know, darling don't do this to me now!" the ship kept groaning, and everything began to shake as the man kept at it. "Come now,your better then this!" He then began to kick the controls which he always seemed to forget that physical violence always backfires and in just seconds he was cursing and holding his foot in pain. "OW! ohh ooh! You see what you did now!" the ship had shaked and the moaning had stopped, the man made a face at the machine. "oh I see how it works, after I stub a toe you behave!...your sadistic you know that!"(this happens alot in the new Doctor who series has any one noticed?) the man had looked into the navigating system and apparently he had stopped in the year 1943.
"World War Two..." this should be interesting He had grabbed his long brown coat and walked out of the ship once he looked back to memorise the location he had smiled at it, just a police box thats what every body see's but what he see's is a ship thats bigger on the inside, what he See's is the TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimension(s) In Space) The last of its kind the same as him.
He didnt have a name, he was always just called The Archer. and was an alian called a Timelord from the planet Galafrie, But Galafrie has been gone for a long time and so have the rest of the Timelords he was the last.
Archer had began to walk that's what he was good at, Timelords had the power to travle in time using there TARDIS's but he could not interfere with it, if its a set point in time then he was not supposed to but in. But is it wasn't a set point then he could do what ever he wanted!
he came across what seemed to be a park, seeing the humans live peacefully is truly a sight especially in times of war. unfortunately he had lost his good mood when a small child had bumped his side. the boy turned to him and said "sorry sir!" and continued on his way but Archer knew something was missing the moment the boy touched him but he checked his pocket to be sure yup the boy had stolen one of his favorite things.
Zolf Joseph Kimbley was a man of creativity he believed that if human kind was to ever move higher inexistance then they are meant to create said reason for existance. but in order to do so one must start small at first Zolf had ran a simple toyshop but then he began to move higher then childrens playthings he created tools, small gagets, some even larger like a machen that feeds his pet Rat for him when he forgets and all he has to do is refill it once a mounth.
currently Kimbley was in the middle of the park building a new invention this machine looked like a wooden box with wires attaching to a light bulb on the box there was a mirror, it was meant to gather energy from the sun and use that energy as power.(LOLZ I thought it would be fun if Kimbley was trying to discover solar power!) "Just one...more...AUGH!" after one more twierl of the wrist and the light bulb should have lit but instead it just blew up like most of his work.
"I knew it! I just knew I should have a more shady area..." just as he was about to begin all over again a little boy with black long hair like his and toned healthy skin had ran over and sat in front of him "Papa! I found something you might like!" the Boy had pulled something from his pocket but Kimbley had been too preoccupied with his work to notice. "Not know Jae-Jae, I'm busy..." Jae had frowned a bit and had then moved next to his father being the son of an inventor may have been tough sometimes but when it came down to it he didn't mind one bit. "so how did it go?" he asked Jae was always sharing Kimbley's love of discovery and the unknown. "heh, well..."said Kimbley "it could have been better I think it might have over loaded and that caused it to just pop!" when he said 'pop' he then jumped the child and started doing the one thing the boy hated tickling.
"AHH! no! haha! HA! NOOO!" the boy giggled as his Father slowly stopped they both then lay there in the grass out of breath, The inventor smiled and gave a feral grin to his son. "So, you said you found something interesting? nothing Nazi related I hope." Jae sat up and stated digging through his pocket until he found it a small strange item resembling a pen in its shape but it was made of metal and had a blue light at its tip in a way it seemed to be an electrical device of some sort. Kimbley had took the device and began to examine it. "strange..." he said "where did you find this Jae-Jae?" Jae had looked a bit taken back but got an innocent face on in no time saying "I just found it is all looks weird though, I thought you would like to take a crack at what it could be!"he was lieing of course but he couldn't let his Father know that he had picked pocketed it from a stranger, though Kimble is seen as a kind man by many of the townspeople he was a strict but fair parent and Jae would rather like to stay away from the stricked part! "well..."the inventor began "it is strange I'll give you that, but it seems a bit off..." Jae had looked at Kimbley who had a look of absolute focus the same he gets with every new idea or possibility, Jae and Kimbley resembled each other they had the same hair (though Kimbley likes to keep his down when not working while Jae keeps his tied) they had the same facial featurs, (Jae was younger so his looks more pugy) and they both had fair skin. in fact the only thing different about the two where they'er eyes Jaes mother was a gypsy so he inhereted her odd red ones when his father had gold. "but havent you already said that?" question the boy "you did say it was strange so thats been established." Kimbley chuckled "No Jae-Jae" he said "what I mean is that It is literally 'off' theres got to be some kind of switch to turn it on..." at that moment the blue light began to glow and the thing made a sound like millons of crickets started singing at once. Kimbley had tilted his head at it in curiosity and then giggled once more"Its a toy!" he said lifting his finger from the spot he pressed, "A childrens toy, a clever one though! I never seen one do anything like tha-"
"Thats because its not a Toy!" at that moment a pale man whearing a taccy blue suite showed himself and he as he walked over Kimbley stood and frowned at the man if there was one thing he hated it was people telling him he's wrong.
"and who are you to say sir?" said Kimbley, Jae had recognised the man and hid behind his Father, this is not good! how did he know Jae took the thing? "I'm The Archer, and that is my screwdriver." Archer said snacthing said screwdriver from Kimbleys hand.
"The Archer? and I suppose you have a bow and a bow and arrow?" Kimbley smirked.
"Oh once, but they where broken a long time ago"Archer joked. and then he pointed at the boy "but thats not what this it about, its about your boy stealing my screwdriver and I belive an apology is in order!" Jae had been sweating like he was in a loge, and had completley hidden himself behind the inventor. Kimbley looked and him and frowned "Jae says he found the Toywhats make you think he stole it?" Archer smirked and looked at the golden eye'd man with glee. "He bumped into me earlyer while I was walking threw this park, as he did so I noticed his arm was as steady as a rock now what person who bumps into someones arm be perfectly still when he made a colision unless it was planned?" Kimbley was at a loss for words at the mans eye for detail Jae on the other hand was completely shoked that the man had noticed something so trivial! "when keeping an eye out for a theif..."Archer continued "you have to look out for steady hands." he couldnt help but smile, showing off that feeds your ego like it was a pig!
Kimbley how ever didnt look as happy, instead he turned around and looked at Jae with a death-glare, "Jae..." he started "did you steal this mans toy?" he sounded furious Jae was nervous when his Father got like this. "uhh...I-I.." he stumbled, "Did you!" Kimbley was getting madder by the second and Jae decided it was probobly best to just say it. "yes..." Jae had looked to his feet in sadness "Jae-Jae, I told you not to steal again! now apologise to this man immediatly!" Kimbley was rubbing his temples Jae always did this to him steal something, get into trouble of some sort, though his cause is always noble it was still always needing to be paid for!
"I'm sorry..." Jae said miserably "now go home, we'll talk about this later..." Jae had follwed his Fathers order and ran to there home. Kimbley how ever was starting to pack his mirror box and broken light bulb. "Excuse me?" said Archer takeing notice of Kimbley invention "but is that a solar panle?" Kimbley looked at him questioningly "Solar Panle?"he repeated "I'm afraid I dont understand."
"Ah! well what I meant is that little box with a mirror supose togather energy fram sunlight?" Archer said dumbing it down a bit, Kimbley looked at him suprised that he guesse right. "w-well yes! i-it is! Im suprised you understood its purpose, not many people understand my work with its pecular desine." Kimbley mentally scoffed himself genius's dont stutter! "I dabble in science some times, and its a brilliant Idea you have! very earth friendly!" Kimbley could not belive it this man not only guessed what the devise but also the very reason he's working on it!
"are you ok? you look a bit hot and botherd." Kimbley shook his head he had been so stumped at The Archers compliments he hadnt realized he was blushing! "N-No no! I'm fine its just well, this experiment was a failure and your compliments go to waste!" nice Kim reeaal nice... he thought.
The Archer however thought it was cute the little inventor being self consious! dont let any one tell you that its not just adorible! Kimbley had gotten up and began walking, Archer haveing nothing better to do followed .
"I never got your name." said the Archer, Kimbley looked back at him and chuckled "How foolish of me!" he said "I am Zolf Joseph Kimbley, the local inventor!" Archer smiled at the mans inthusiasm this was good it shows that he had some pride in his work.
in a bleak and dark Labratory hidden beneath a consentraition camp there came a roar of something deadly and hungy. the thing had been locked with in a cage and a man in a labcoat had been placeing strips of flesh inside of the cage. the creature within had began ripping them apart and devouring the bloody pieces when a automatid voice had sounded behind the Professor.
"Is the specimen ready Professor Growsem?"
"Almost," said Growsem what ever thing behind him was it wasnt human, and it had taken an interest in his work, spliceing the DNA of Creatures long since extinct and fuseing them to creat something more a new kind of beast! "He Needs more time..." he fed it another slab this time letting the creature eat the meat from his hand it not only had primitive DNA but it was inteligiant, they had enough human DNA to make sure of that.
"How Much More Time?"
"About a month maybe two..." he awnserd and began petting the creature, it nuzzled his hand knowing its own creater full well to know it wasnt to be afraid of him. "Maaaas" it said the creature was learning to speak.
"We Do Not Have Such Time!" it exclamed "The Specimen Must Be Ready By Tonight!"
"But why? you havnt told me exactly what his trial run would be!" he said acidently pulling on the creatures hair, if hissed and he immediatly started massaging his creations abused head. "what is it you want him to face? who is it we have been waiting for?"
"He Calls Himself The Archer."
"The Archer?"
"The Archer Is Here, The Specimen Must Be Ready By Tonight!"
"But I cant make that time!"
"Then Make It Early!" Growsem had turnedto see his supirior, the mastermind behind his creation it wasnt human but instead a machine, its body large and painted a copper color, and had lard plates covering its lower half that where coveerd in some sort of spheres, itsarms whernt arms at all one looked more like a plunger while the other looked like a strange eggbeater but with a tube intide it, and its head was nothing mut a dome with light bulbs comeing out of ui and some sort of tube woth a blue light at the end of it!
It began comeing closer to him and had said in its mechanicle voice.
"THE ARCHER MUST BE EXTERMINATED!"
"So considering its late and you obviosly have nothing better to do, you can stay here if you like!" The Archer had been following Kimbley for the whole day, and Archer hardly noticed it was late at all! he had been haveing such a good time with the inventor he had forgotten to check if the TARDIS is still where he left it ah well, the TARDIS isnt going anyware! He thoughtas they entered the house wasnt extravagant but it wasnt terrible eather, it had two floors and a kitchen/dining room, a small study/ workshop, a shop at the front, and all the bedrooms are upstairs. currently they where entering the shop withwas filled with Raidios, toys and evenold clocks.
"I'll accept your offer on two conditions!" he said being him Archer has always been a bit of a drama king it comes with years of solotude! "Oh~" said Kimbley "And what are these conditions?" Kimbley had thrown his jacket ona chair and was niw spoirting a vest a botton up dress shirt along with some slacks. "one, I get to cook! there is no way I'm letting you keep me here without me doing something in return!" Kimbley smiled and nodded "done!" he said.
Archer had then noticed a small hint of something around Kimbley untill he figured it out "your jewish? but arnt we in Nazi Germany?" Kimbley place a finger on Archer's lips "Hideing in plane sight, no one suspects it~" Archer just smiled this man was clever! Kimbley removed his finger and then asked "Keep it secret?"
"Of course."
Jae was hiding on the stairs evesdropping on his Father and The Archer, Archer had noticed this and had smiled to himself "And your boy wont get a time out as my second condision" Kimbley was a bit taken back by that.
"why? he stole your toy." he pointed out, Jae had been trying to figure out what Archer was up to when he heard the stranger say "first off, Screwdriver! seconed I'm sure he didnt mean any trouble, I just was after an apology was all!" Kimbley tilted his head,this Archer was indeed a strange one. "alright deal, I wont punish my son for stealing your Toy~"he said and then the shop bell rang a costomer walked in an appearantly aged old woman with a semi young man guiding her in. "Ah!" said Kimbley smileing like a wild dog, "miss Waystrich, your looking lovely today!" the old woman had hobbled over to the work bench as Kimbley made his way behind it.
Archer had taken this time to go to the Kitchen and prepare dinner. Now Archer had dabbled in cooking sometimes but it wasnt often that he ate himself although he did like food and cooking made food so Archer also liked cooking especially with bannanas! Bannanas are good!
He looked all over the kitchen for some ingrediants and proceded to cook when a small voice sounded. "you didnt have to do that you know." Archer turned to see Jae standing at the door of the small but fair kitchen/dining room leaning lazily against the frame. "do what?" Archer asked, he began stirring the eggs together. "you know!" Jae exclamed "tell my Pa that he couldnt punish me! I dontneed your help you know I can take care of both of us!" Archer had smiled and rememberd how he hadnt seen any pictures of the mother, no wedding pictures, no anything.
"Both?" Archer digged "dont you mean yourself after all I'm sure your mum can take care of your Dad." the boy had frowned and began takeing an interest in his feet, saying softly "I dont have one...well I do but..." Archer had placed a lid over the pan and turned to face the boy though he may be small he really did resemble his Father.
"she isnt around?" he asked the boy then took a seat at the table and buryed his face in his arms "yeah."
"where is she?" Archer persisted.
"gone, she was a gypsy so she travles alot."
"Ah, does she ever visit?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"She just doesnt!" Jae nearly yelled and threw his head down. a basterd child then.thought Archer and he decided to just let it be when the aumlets started to sizzle! "Shit!"
Kimbley had been just finishing with Miss Waystritch when he heard Archer cuse and giggled to himself "friend of yours?" the old woman asked "you could say that..." althogh to be honest he couldnt tell, Archer was streange yet for some reason he seem to have a bit of an attraction to that...no attraction wasnt the right word for it, it was more curiosity then anything else.
just a few minutes after Miss Waystritch had left he started too lock up for the night. but then he noticed something, a movement of sorts outside in the shrubs across the street. he squinted and looked closleyand then just as he was about to give up two orange orbs of light had lit about as big as two baseballs oth glowing and frightning. Kimbleys own eyes widend as he looked at them they seem to be looking back, then they blinked and a huge creature had moved from the shrubs,it was bigger then him by at least three feet and its legs seemed to have been backwords with two toes, its boney body covered in blue scales with what looked like deer antlers sticking from its mouth, a long snakelike tail and long purple hair and batlike wings to acompany.
Kimbley was frozen in place as he looked into its large eyes, it bagan to walk twords the door. "Kimmy? hope you dont mind burnt Aumlets because thats what your haveing-hello?" Archer walked in from the Kitchen with Jae right behind him once he saw Kimbley he had gotten closerand had saw whathe was looking at.
"Growsapian?" he whisperd to himself, Jae had looked outside and gasped "w-what it that!" the boy was close to screaming and Archer coverd his eyes"Jae what ever you do dont look directly into its eyes." Archer pulled out his screwdriver and pressed it against the door forcing it to lock extra tight. "Kim?" he asked "do you have a back door?" Kimbley could hear all thats happening but he couldt move he just looked at thoughs orange globes. "KIMBLEY?" Archer yelled when Kimbley didnt answer Archer then pressed the screwdriver against Kimbleys temple suddenly Kimbley gasp and gained control of his body again as soon ashe could he turned around grabed Archer and Jae and took them to the back door, they ran out just as they heard the Growsapian tare through the the front and Archer lock the back the same as he did the other. "what now?" asked Jae he was supriseingly calm but Kimbley couldnt seem to let go of the boy out of fear he might lose him. "run!" was th only thing Archer had said but before they could even get out of the neighbor hood the creature crashed through the backdoor and proceded to chase them, hissing and screatching as it got closer so close that it had scratched Kimbley boot.
Archer had looked at where they where as they ran and made a plan, every detail, every posibility had ran through his head and then just as he was about to miss it he made a hard turn into the park Jae followed and Kimbley nearly tripped as he did too. Archer the stopped the Growsapian seemed to have missed the turn and ran into a trash can.
"alright," he said "I want you two to climbe the tree's, any tree as long as its high up you hear me?" Jae nodded and proceded to climbe the tallest one he found with the ease of a monkey, Kimbley however was still next to The Archer.
"did you not hear me? I said climbe!" Kimbley made a firce and frightening face, one that could only belong to a madman.
"I'm not leaving you with that thing!" he said as they heard the loud hiss.
"but you have a son, you have something to lose I dont!" at the time Jae was watching from up high in a pine tree. he saw the glowing pair of orange eyes moveing closer to them but they where too busy arguing to notice!
"My son is safe! so it doesnt matter what happens to me!" Kimbley shot.
"GUYS!" Yelled Jae from his hideing spot. They turned to see the Growsapian pounce and just in time, Archer then held up his screwdriver and a bright light then emmited from it temporarily blinding and perminately scaring the creature. Kimbley however had to cover his eye's while Jae closed his.
The Growsapian had then squeeled in pain as it tried to bring its sight back Archer walked over to it, it screeched, yelled, and hissed all the while covering its eyes. Jae climbed down from his hideing place and ran to his father and clung to him. "What the hell was that?" the inventor asked "Growsapian." said Archer "Although thats impossible Growsaipians shouldnt even exist untill atleast two years from now..." The creature then opened its wings as if in warning the purple skin flaps shined in the moonlight.
Archer then scaned it with the screwdriver and all the reading seemed to have been normal. they all come out positive but it makes no scence! the Growsapian are a proud race of reptilian humanoids who dont belive in things like violence with out reason, that and they are not even supposed to be alive yet!
the creature had then hissed at them and started flapping its wings but before it had flown away Archer pulled a scale fron its tail then heard it say, something not in its own languige though "Exteerm" it moaned, and then flew off into the night sky.
"what the hell?" said Kimbley. Archer turned to him and smiled "well to be honest I dont know not yet!" he held the scale and began walking to the TARDIS Kimbley however wasnt going to give up so easly "wait just a damn minute you!" He looked to Jae who had a curiuse face on Kimbley fround "Jae, go home I'llbe back soon." he said JAe was going to argue but he was already tailing Archer.
When Archer reached the TARDIS Kimbley found that he hadnt stopped asking questions or talking during the whole walk and Archer just kept ignoring him.
"and what the hell do you plan on useing that piece of flesh? Its completley useless!"
"Thats only because you havent discoverd DNA analysus yet! wow and your supposed to be a genius?" said Archer and not really hideig the sarcasm, he had found the police box right where he left it, bringing out the keys and working the lock Kimbley was just staring at the large box wondering why the hell Archer would need with a police box when Archer whent inside. "and thats another thing about you!" Kimbley said "you act so god damn smug! like you dont seem to mind most the things that happen around you!" Archer hadnt responded and this made Kimbley angry if theres one thing he hates its being ignored! He began walking inside"oh its not like you cant hear me in this tiney...thing..."Kimbley found himself stuck in place as he saw the Large size of the dome shaped ship Archer was currently placeing the scale on a DNA scanner at the moment and wasacting completley normal.
"W-wha?" Kimbley was studdering like a school girl as he poked his head in and out of the blue box, "this...this isnt...what the hell?..." Archer didnt seem to mind though untill he noticed Kimbleys studdering and then he realised Humans dont deal with this sort of thing everyday.
"Oh yeah your still here,"he said waiting for the test results. Kimbley looked to him with utter disbelife and then came Archers favorite part. "Its...Its..." Kimbley just couldnt find the words.
"Its?"
"Its bigger on the inside..."
"Haha! I love it when they say that!" Archer walked beside Kimbley and lead him to the controls "Zolf Joseph Kimbley, welcome to the TARDIS!"
"Tardis?" Kimbley asked.
"No, TARDIS" Archer corrected as he got back to the DNA scanner. "Its an anagram it means Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, I thought it was clever!" Kimbley couldnt help but stare at everything it was all so streange he didnt think he could handle it all. "what is it?" Kimbley asked "what is going on and..." He looked into Archers Icy blue eyes "and who or what are you?"
Archer smiled as he said just one age old saying...
"Me? I'm The Archer..."
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy A horse and a flea and three blind mice Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Giddy and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Sat on a curbstone shooting dice
The horse he slipped and fell on the flea
"Whoops," said the flea, "there's a horse on me!"
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Giddy and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Way down South where bananas grow Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
An ant stepped on an elephant's toe
The elephant cried with tears in his eyes
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Giddy and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Eli, Eli, he sells socks
A dollar a pair, a nickel a box
The longer you wear them the shorter they get
Throw'em in the water and they don't get wet.
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy Way up North where there's ice and snow Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Giddy and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
There lived a penguin and his name was Joe
He got so tired of black and white
He wore pink pants to the dance last night!
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Giddy and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
There was an old doctor and his name was Peck
Fell down the well and broke his neck
Served him right, he was doing wrong
Should have tended to the sick, and let the well alone.
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy
Giddy and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
TO BE CONTINUED...
REVIEW OR BE EXTERMINATED!1!1!
(folk song is boom boom aint it great to be crazy?)