Written for a friend's birthday.

Gon stopped. He was at the edge of a forest that expanded over Aghma Island like an external lung, a curtain of exuberant green, and he's come to learn its smells, its aromas, the stinking borrows of rodents and the lush flower beds, and for that the new scent that persisted behind him was as conspicuous to his nose as the oncoming storm; something softer than the forest, a foreign fruit and a moth too brightly colored to be entirely invisible, although he suspected the presence did not care much for hiding, seemed to intentionally drive him farther away from the settlements and into the wilderness. Now at the outskirts of the forest, so close to the sea that he could smell the salt and the weeds, Gon got bored.

He wanted interaction or he was going to lose interest, but supposed whoever was following him needed some time, whoever was following wasn't really there for him, didn't come for him but stayed anyway.

A raptor flew overhead, releasing a sharp shriek that left the world quieter. Gon turned around, his eyes tracking the pair of large wings as they disappeared behind trees, and when his gaze shifted down he finally had a good look at his pursuer, only because she didn't care enough to hide her presence anymore.

Crouched by a tree, the 14th chairwoman was collecting something, using a small knife to cut a piece out of a clump of roots, taking her time before she stood up to place her cuttings in a vial, put it in her bag, and turn her head to stare back at him. From this distance she looked like a ghost, as still as the tree she stood beside, her clothes untarnished by her surroundings; compared to him, she seemed as if she hadn't stepped into the forest at all.

He chuckled, not knowing what else to do, hoped it was someone else and not actually her. "Hey there!"

"Gon."

It was her.

She walked towards him, unhurried, and he waited until they were face to face, realizing that he was only a bit taller than her. He always felt much taller when he was by himself. She looked human in a way he hadn't seen her before, the dog costume gone, only a pair of canny green eyes, almost colorless under the gray clouds, stared at him from an impassive face. He couldn't read her.

"Weird seeing you here." Gon said, didn't suggest it was a coincidence because he knew it wasn't, could sense her nen still swirling around her fingertips but couldn't see it. "Your zetsu is amazing."

"I would equally command your ability to notice, considering your peculiar state."

Gon scratched the back of his head and stuck out his tongue. "I'm just really good at that."

"I don't doubt it." She said, her face softening. "Walk with me?"

It was bad news, but he agreed anyway. "Sure."

The two of them trekked the clearing all the way to the edge of a cliff, a precipice that overlooked the ocean, its usual brightness has transformed into a roiling gray, waves crashing violently against the rocky shore below.

"Why are you here?" Gon asked even though he was almost certain why, gazing out at the overlapping waves. She could easily rebuke him, if she wanted. Considering the vast difference between their ranks, he was the one under scrutiny.

He didn't know how to deal with the Association's authority figures, never really spoke with any of them, except Leorio and Kurapika, but hasn't talked with either in a shamefully long time. Were they still Zodiacs? Was there even a Zodiacs anymore? Looking at the chairman didn't tell him much, only that she wasn't currently assuming any role.

"I was here for a personal errand when I discovered your presence." She answered, surprising him by bending down to sit on the edge of the cliff. "The people here are quite protective of you. I had to do my own searching."

Gon sat down beside her. "So now it's not just a personal errand."

"No."

"Are you here to capture me?"

"You're aware then that you're a Missing Hunter then."

"I'm not so missing, you obviously found me."

She didn't seem to appreciate his attempt at humor, ignored him to take off her glasses and clean them with the hem of her white shirt. "The law demands I take the necessary measures once I find you."

"So should I run or…"

That made her smile and look at him. "You've broken the law."

Gon chuckled. "You don't look so upset about that."

"I'm not." Her face grew somber. "I'd rather it wasn't the case, but it's still my job to keep ones like you in check." Her eyes looked out ahead. "This is the third time you disappear intentionally. No reports, no known whereabouts, suspicious activities, a license out of use and more. It's quite a long list you have."

"I didn't know you keep tabs on Hunters."

"We usually don't, but since you saw fit to disregard previous warnings the scrutiny was warranted."

Gon hummed. "So did you follow me all day to tell me that?"

"I'd prefer to think of it as an exercise, for me." She said. "I haven't been out in the field for a while."

He sympathized with her, disconnected from nature as she was, but nonetheless knew to stay wary. She wasn't here as a friend.

Could he fight her, if the situation escalated? He tried to intuit her abilities but came short, guessed she might not be a close-range fighter, which was both an advantage for him - supposing he was physically stronger - and a problem, because it meant she relied heavily on nen, the one thing he could no longer defeat. She knew about his 'state', as she called it, and if her keen eyes told him anything, Gon was certain she would not hesitate to exploit his weakness.

What were the legal ramifications of battling the Hunter president, anyway? Why was he thinking of fighting her, to begin with? She didn't appear to be here with him for this reason, to make him submit by force, but then why was her nen so present, why didn't she retract it back into herself, why did she make him aware of it? A silent threat? He could tell she wasn't the type to make the first move, which frustrated him, but the prospect of a battle was undeniably exciting.

If they fought, he will use everything he has. Gon had no intention of going anywhere, not before finding what he wanted to find. "So what now?"

"I have an offer." She said. "If you accept it, your situation will be sorted out without the need to wade through a bureaucracy maze to fight for the right to keep your license."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Hmm?"

"I said why are you doing this?" Gon repeated, feeling insulted. "Why are you treating me differently?" He asked, tossing a stone down, hearing the sound of it plummet against the turbid waters. "I'm not stupid or uninformed. I know what happens to Rogue Hunters. If it's the license you want then say so."

The chairwoman stared at him, perhaps not having expected this kind of answer. "So you have already made up your mind about coming with me."

"I did, so I don't need this special treatment. It's demeaning."

Cheadle nodded, still relaxed. "You can perceive it however you please, but it would be best if you are pragmatic about this, regardless. It's not in the Association's interests to lose its members, especially prodigious ones. If there is a chance to stabilize matters amiably then I prefer to take that route."

"Don't lie to me." Gon said, anger rising in his chest. "I'm not prodigious, I'm nenless and weak, so why do you care? Is it because I'm Ging's son?"

"Oh. So these are your anxieties." She said, and something about her amused tone irked him. "I don't doubt that being Ging's son has accrued you some privileges, and I understand if you loathe the fact of this, but it has nothing to do with him."

"Then why are you being lenient with me?"

"I promise that you will not consider me lenient once you hear my offer."

Gon stood up, clouds gathering and merging over his head. The storm was here. "I don't want to hear it."

"I see." The chairwoman said and stood up as well. "I hope you understand that if you refuse you will be classified as a Rogue Hunter, and I will have no choice then but to deal with you as such."

Gon nodded, once again standing face to face with her. "I understand and still refuse. Sorry for your trouble." He began walking back into the forest, but her voice stopped him.

"What are you running away from?" She asked. "Of all the talk around you, I thought I'd be speaking with a more self-assured man."

He turned around to look at her once again, and she stood at the precipice, unperturbed by the frenzied change in weather, by the great clap of thunder, her long hair sweeping along a powerful wind blast. Gon sensed her nen more intensely this time, knew it was still there, still rippling like waves under her skin, and that suddenly gave him a stop. He stared at her, almost forgetting how she was taunting him, annoyed that he hadn't noticed the peculiarity of her aura earlier.

"Leorio."

That stopped her, too. "What?"

Gon laughed, proud that he was getting better at spotting these convergences. "It's Leorio's nen, at least in quality!" He walked closer to her again, tempted to take her hand for inspection. "When you're close with someone, your aura does something amazing, your nen becomes influenced by theirs and—"

"I know what you're talking about." She cut him off, holding her arm to her chest, her hand to her heart.

Gon stepped back awkwardly, giving her space. "Only Leorio's nen does that." He made a whirly shape with his finger while pointing to her arm. "That wave-like thing, feels like warm sea, like a whirlpool. If I can see your nen it'll probably be a blueish green."

For the first time since he saw her the chairwoman looked uncomfortable, even a bit embarrassed. For the first time she was gathering her nen back into herself, closing off her nodes, protective of this little thing that he shouldn't have been able to see.

"I sense these things. I don't know how but I do." He removed a long lock of hair from his face. A lightning bolt zipped through the sky. "I studied everything there is to study about nen, I wanted to learn everything about it, and it seemed that by honing my senses, moving them from external nature to people's inner natures, I can see with my mind what I can't see with my eyes." Gon looked at her, genuinely wishing for understanding. "Does that make sense?"

She didn't answer. Rain began to fall and she didn't answer.

His face breaking, Gon felt a need to turn away from her, to look out at the storm, to let her be without his eyes on her. "How is he?"

"He's good." She answered, her voice a murmur. Gon had made her more vulnerable than she would like to be, as exposed as she tried to make him. "He misses you."

The clouds have dissolved into one another, melted into one big gray, darkening mass. "I miss him too. Where is he?"

"Trafalovia."

"In the civil war?"

"Yes. In the east, in the refugee camps."

His face caught the rain as he lifted his head up to the sky. "The others?"

Did she know that he needed her to ease his heart? That if she knew about him then she must know about all of them as well, that he needed her to tell him? When she finally spoke, her voice, now more composed, back to its initial consistency, was a strange comfort.

"Kurapika is head of the Investigations Department, taking classes at a local college on the side." She said. "Lost his sight for good."

Gon's hands grew into fists, his nails digging into his skin. He felt so weak, so invisible. Tears or the rain, he didn't think about it. "Killua?" The name sounded so foreign on his tongue, so difficult to utter.

Her voice came clear through the riotous battering of the rain. "Gel is refining him into someone truly extraordinary. She has taken him as a student, after a lot of pestering on his part."

Gon chuckled but it came out a sob, and once that poured out of him he could no longer hold himself, so he just stood in the rain, hair long, coiling around his face and neck, his head down, weeping. "I haven't seen them in such a long time…"

"You can, if you come with me."

"I can't! I'm worthless. I can't do anything for them I can't be anybody." His lips trembled. "And I'm jealous and I hate that but I can't help it. I feel so disconnected."

Only the wind howled back in response to his pain, only the cold touched him until she placed an unbearably gentle hand on his shoulder. "Let's go, you'll get a cold like this."

Trees shed tears, too, rain droplets clobbering down on the soft ground under their feet, the soil damp and tender, the downpour hiding trails, revealing others, the scents of sprouting leaves and soaked wood bark and the leather of his boots filled his nose.

Eventually the two came to stand under a large tree that Gon knew was much younger than it appeared, could feel the smooth wood of its trunk without touching it, knew which splinters he cut his fingers on, which ones he snagged off, and in a one-sided act of intimacy that seemed familiar only to himself, Gon rested his head against it, watched her wring the water out of her hair and take off her glasses to dry them on her shirt.

"Cheadle," He uttered her name for the first time, swallowing the bile in his throat, swallowing again because it wouldn't go, thinking of her hand on his shoulder like the tree he leaned against. "Do you know Ging well enough?"

She remained silent for a moment, bending down to inspect a plant growing under a bush. He watched her take out her knife again to cut a sample, place it carefully in a vial, then put it in her bag, all before she lifted her head to answer him.

"Sometimes I think I do, but most often I don't. That uncertainty about him used to bother me when I was younger, but I'm old enough now to be content with it." Her face turned to the direction of the cliff, serene in this dim little corner, then her eyes began surveying the earth once again. "I grew up in the shadow of a parent as well. My father was a brilliant man and just as flawed and emotionally inept as yours. He did not anticipate much for me, perhaps with the exception of what was socially expected of young women, but yours expected greatness out of you, to your own detriment, I assume" Her imperceptible smile was for the earth her fingers waded through. "To be like him or to defy him out of spite, you think of that too, don't you? But it's not so easy, is it. There are parts of him within you that you can't discard, and they belong to you as uniquely as they belong to him." Then her eyes found his again. "Do you hate him?"

"No." Gon shook his head. "I just think about him a lot. I never seem to be able to ask him all that I want to ask, he always sweeps me off with one of his stories that I forget. I forget that I barely know him." He felt his hairtie slipping, twisted his arm around to slide it off his wet hair. "Last time I was on our home island, I heard things I've never heard before, about his mother, my grandma, things nobody had told me before, and I felt so angry on his behalf, became so desperate to see him, to talk with him about it all, about how he felt, but I can't. How can I face him when I'm still like this? It's been years and I'm still nenless, still no match for him." He swept his hair back. "I'm sick of hearing about him from others, but every time there's a chance to catch a scrap of him I can't stop myself from jumping. I never learn."

He sounded bitter and resentful, but only towards himself. He had learned to fly but still came back to the same nest that witnessed his birth, still persisted in picking at the hay and twigs. He was not a wild animal, not a foxbear cub in a forest, leaving to be on its own—he was so terribly human it hurt.

All the while, the chairwoman said nothing, seemingly content to let him speak, more interested in the little ecosystem around her than in him, her eyes shifting from his face every now and then to seek another anomalous plant she found interesting, then appeared to find something particularly of note, so she reached for a pocket in her bag to fetch out a pair of gloves.

"I've fought enough people to know that you're not above killing me," Gon said, wanting her attention again as he watched her mentally map the ground with sight alone. "So why this? Why not take me by force?"

Once again she refrained from answering right away. Kneeling, her index finger traced something in the soil. "I won't bloody my hands with you just because you feel the need to prove something to yourself. If it's a fight you want go wrestle the bears. I did not come here for this." She said, and against what he expected her nen remained dormant and her voice was one devoid of anger or impatience. "You are afraid that you are worthless and of no value, that you're only where you are, still a Hunter among us, because of who your father is, but I will tell you that nen does not make the Hunter, neither does physical prowess, and surely not distinguished lineage. If you cannot come to see that for yourself than you will be as hopeless and miserable as you appear to be right now." Her hands suddenly pierced the soil, her skin pale against the dark ground, then she dug something out. He couldn't see what it was, but she was approaching him with it. "I'm not good with advice for how to deal with emotionally distant parents, seeing as I was the child of two, but time passes for all of us, and it wears down all defense mechanisms, even ones as stubborn and ingrained as Ging's. You're not at fault for wanting emotional closure."

She opened her hand in front of him, revealing an insect so iridescent it shone in the darkness of the overgrowth. Her hand tilted and with it changed the colors of the insect's exoskeleton, shifting from a vibrant spectrum of glittering green-purple to one that condensed a sunset.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Gon stared in awe, reaching a curious hand towards the colorful insect, but her hand was faster than his, her fingers instantly clamping over it.

"It's not only poisonous, but quite a vigorous vector, as well." She said. "It transmits a rare disease, as of yet an incurable virus that multiplies in the skin and only the skin."

It dawned on him. "That's what you came here for."

She nodded and smiled. "I want to develop a vaccine." Satisfied with her findings, she took what appeared to be a special vial into which she gently nudged the insect. Then she looked at him, her eyes a calmer green, taking on the darker shades around them. "You're here in search of someone to heal you, but it's not your nenlessness you need to heal, Gon."

"What do I do?" He asked, but he didn't know if it was for her, for himself, for anybody. It was the question he thought about most of the time, one he had a dozen answers to and none at all. "It's like a never ending punishment."

"It's never ending because you have not learned from it." The chairwoman said. "Perhaps you ought to stop thinking of what you don't have and start considering the alternatives."

Gon smelled the rain, smelled the storm retreating. "Why are you telling me all these things?"

"Would you rather I don't say them?"

"I just think you need me to do something for you."

"I do." She shrugged. "My word doesn't have to mean anything to you, but what I say to you I say with sincerity. You're a fellow Hunter and dear to people who are dear to me, and if something bad is to happen to one of us here I suppose we only have each other to rely on." Her eyes sought the storm as well, looking away from him to inspect a world she couldn't exactly see. "Hunters are lonely people, sometimes we only have each other, sometimes not even that. It isn't something you can escape."

Gon followed her gaze. "But I don't want to be lonely."

"Then accept my offer." They were inescapable, her eyes back on him. "Demeaning to your pride or not, it's a second chance and it will be important not just for you but for the Association, perhaps for the whole world as well."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Go back to East Gorteau."

His heart sunk at hearing that name, the name of a place he escaped mentally every day. "What."

The chairwoman turned away from him, spoke without meeting his eyes as if that was the utmost personal space she was willing to give him. "A certain situation has risen there and we need the expertise of Hunters who have been involved in the war directly. I want you to lead an undercover team, stabilize matters there."

"Why me?" Gon asked. "I wasn't the only one who fought there."

"You're my best bet."

"For what?" He spat out.

"For keeping NGL under the Association's control." She looked back at him. "The region is protected internationally, as I'm sure you know. It is under our jurisdiction, but that is only the case because we have fulfilled an international agreement, an agreement which chairman Netero died for." Her brows furrowed. "Our team of scientists has located a dormant chimera ants cell in East Gorteau. The reappearance of chimera ants does not bode well at all, for us. If the combined Mitene Union corps controlling the region know of what we have discovered—worse, if they discover that we have been sitting silently for months on such grave information, then I'm afraid terrible things will happen."

Gon's eyes widened, blood rushed to his head. "I don't understand." He struggled to hold himself together. "I thought we… I thought we have killed them all..."

"You have not." She said. "You can douse an ant colony in water but members will survive. We have tried to destroy them before, once with the knowledge of the international community, once secretly under dire circumstances. They are not just insects; they are a weapon, and if they aren't contained in our hands then they will be used against us."

Gon's heart beat faster, his breath hitched. Did he fail at this, too? Did he even fail at exterminating every last one of them? "But I don't want to. I can't."

"Do you know what happens to Rogue Hunters these days? You said you do but you don't. They no longer get a slap on the hand and a simple license termination." She said, her voice cold and indifferent. "They die, Gon."

A while back he was expecting a fight, wouldn't initiate it but ready for one if it happened, but now he wanted to attack her, to shake off the way her revelation crept under his skin, feeling cheated by her, by every word they exchanged. "How can you claim to be sincere with me then say things like these?" He scowled, his voice angry and demanding. "Was all that just a ploy to get me to agree?

"Only partially."

His fist was already flying towards her face, already planning the second move if she successfully dodged, but she didn't step away, didn't move her body, only lifted a hand to his mouth, a hand he quickly realized was engulfed with nen. He couldn't see the properties of it, but he felt it down to the muscles of his jaw, cringed at it the way he would at eating a sour lemon; green, moldy, sickening.

"You're angry at yourself and at the world and that's fair." She said, her nen creeping into his throat. A disease. "But you have a diplomatic spirit, if your records have anything to say, and I believe it's a thing you can harness for good."

It was nauseating, the smell, the way it clung to his tongue, to the roof of his mouth. Her hand did not even touch his face yet he felt as if she was forcing his head down a bog, down a pool of thick acidic liquid. His fist hung in the air, frozen, inches away from her eye, tingling as if he's been drugged.

"There are people who love you terribly, and they wish to see you again." She said. "I can kill you, but that would just be a loss for everyone, including yourself. You are a good kid. If all goes well, I would like you to be around, nen or not, prodigious or not. I believe you can help us, and in a way, help yourself as well." He dared think that there was a hint of a plea in her voice, a hint of desperation. "So accept my offer. You need it more than you think you do."

A shaft of light descended down on them, penetrating the branches and the leaves, warm and bright, falling between them like a barrier. Only then did her nen dissipate, only then did he stop feeling like a patient on a hospital bed under anesthesia.

"The storm is over." She said, pulling her hand away, back to herself, the old scents of the forest reappearing around them, coming back to fill his nose, familiar and comforting. She readjusted her bag over her shoulder and turned away from him. "I should get going."

The chairwoman turned around and began walking away from him, back to the settlements.

"What if I can't fight them?" Gon stopped her.

More light fell between them, revealing the tiny insects that had been around them all along, caught in the molten gold like aimless dust particles.

"I would hope that no fighting will be necessary. We want them all alive and well." She replied, brushing wet curls away from her face. "Our research suggests that they are not as powerful or as intelligent as their predecessors. Some are more human, some more animal."

He swallowed. "Then why do you want me there?"

"I don't want you to fight . I mentioned your diplomatic spirit for a reason." She seemed slightly frustrated, but a small smile appeared on her face. "Maybe it's empathy you need this time around, Gon."

His chest tightened. Empathy. With the ants or with himself – nen or not, prodigious or not – her eyes seemed to suggest both. A second chance. Was it help or punishment? Was it both? Was it the arduous process of healing?

"Can you give me time to think about it?"

"Sure." She said. "A private seaplane will land in the port to pick me up tomorrow at seven. If you accept to go on this mission, meet me there and we'll discuss it further on the way to Swaldani."

"Cheadle," he called for her. "What if I don't come?"

She smirked. "We'll have to fight for real then."

A friendly challenge or a threat against defying her, Gon didn't know, but when she waved to him he waved back, watched her turn around and leave, watched her figure get smaller and smaller as she walked deeper into the woods until she disappeared entirely out of his sight.

There was no illness in the air, no more aura pressing at his throat. He could smell the sea again.