Something that came to me and I had to write. I only got to a certain point but thankfully the ever supportive AriaofYlisse helped me to finish this.
Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin belongs to Hajime Isayama - not us!
Armin shot up in bed, eyes wide and suddenly alert. He peered around nervously - had it been a dream, then? The blonde relaxed a bit and settled back under his covers, tossing a bit before he realized he wouldn't be going back to sleep for a bit.
With a frustrated sigh, he got up and padded quietly out into the dark hall. The base was relatively silent as most everyone else was asleep. Being sure that he was stealthy about it, he worked his way to the upper floors and out onto the roof.
The night was clear and crisp. The clouds opened up to reveal the endless night sky, a pale moon shining brightly overhead. Armin's blue eyes remained glued to the beauty above as he situated himself into a sitting position. He breathed the night air in.
"Couldn't sleep either, huh," came a voice from nearby.
The blonde nearly jumped out of his skin. Frantically, he turned to see who had spoken. He was quite surprised to find none other than Eren.
Eren had his legs tucked up to his chin with his arms wrapped tightly around them.
Armin's brow furrowed as he took in his friend's disheveled appearance. It looked as though Eren hadn't slept in weeks. Eventually he processed the words that had been said. "Uhhh, no…"
The titan shifter nodded slightly, "Nightmares?"
"Yeah…" he admitted quietly. His intelligent eyes peered up again, "What about you?"
A shrug was his answer.
Vaguely, he noticed that there were tear tracks on the other's face, but didn't say anything in fear of embarrassing the other. "Are… are you okay Eren?" he questioned.
There was hesitation. Eren then gave a slightly bitter chuckle, "Hated by humanity, used as a weapon against creatures who want to eat us, forced to obey orders while my comrades are dying and then chained like an animal when I do something wrong... Yeah, I'm fine."
Armin winced at the tone, "Sorry." He immediately regretted having said anything, it seemed he was only bringing the other more turmoil.
Remorse filled Eren's bright eyes, "No… I'm sorry, Armin." He gave a long sigh as he peered off into the distance, "I've just been… tired lately, I guess. I can't sleep and everything is just wearing me down.." He hated to complain but everything really was beginning to cave in on him, he needed to talk about things.
The air was cool and quiet a moment before Armin chose his words, "Well… if you need to get it off your chest then you know I'll listen."
It was such a simple thing to say but it stunned him all the same. Armin had always been a good listener, he was usually good at picking up on different situations as well. Perhaps it was for the best that neither of them could sleep that night.
Eren ran a hand through his unruly hair, "What's there to say that isn't obvious? Things have been crazy since that day and I feel like we haven't caught a break ever since." He let one leg fall to hang off the edge of the roof, "I feel trapped by this seemingly endless cycle of fighting, losing comrades, coming back and then going back to do it all again."
He clenched his hand on his pant leg, "Everyone expects great things from me and it's terrifying because I don't know if I can do everything they need me to. I'm not sure I can do anything. Sure I've gotten a bit better at controlling my titan, but trying to harden myself like Annie? It's… stressful... I hate seeing the disappointment on Hanji's face every time I fail."
Armin listened quietly, feeling a bit guilty that he hadn't caught on to any of his friend's inner turmoil.
"And I'm scared…"
That caught him off guard. His blue eyes looked over at the brunette beside him in concern, "Scared of what?"
More hesitation, "I'm scared of a lot of things… Losing comrades, failing a mission, being responsible for someone's injury or death… I'm scared of what could happen if I lose control of my titan. Or what happens when my usefulness runs out... What if I can't figure out how to harden?! What if I'm no longer deemed fit to stay in the Survey Corps because there's nothing left I can help with?!"
Eren drew in a ragged breath, "W-What if I never get to see the ocean with you and Mikasa…?"
There it was. Armin had been awaiting it. It was a major point of insecurity, something that Eren truly feared. The blonde collected his thoughts before replying.
"Don't worry so much about what others expect of you," he began, "you just do what you can do and don't fret the rest. Losing people… losing people is hard. But it's ultimately inevitable." Eren shifted uncomfortably at the thought, though Armin continued, "What we do is dangerous, and no amount of training could ever prepare the new recruits for what we have to face in the field,"
Memories of past expeditions filled Armin's mind. He flinched to pull himself from his daze, and drew in a shaky breath. "Controlling your titan is important as we've seen what could happen if you lose control - but your determination to not lose yourself just shows how focused you are in titan form. That's counts for something, right?"
He didn't receive a response, and honestly hadn't expected one. The other's silence was starting to twist his nerves, and he wondered if Eren was hearing a word of what he was saying. "A-and as far as your usefulness… titan shifter or not, you're still a soldier fighting to help free humanity. To me that means you'll never be useless. You're not just a titan, Eren, you're one of the strongest members of this fight great and you've shown yourself capable of slaying titans with your gear as well as your titan. You're much more than just a weapon."
Armin placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, hoping the contact would break through Eren's doldrums, "You're my best friend and the last family that Mikasa has left… You're part of Corporal Levi's squad, and you were hand picked by Commander Erwin to join this unit. Doesn't that mean anything? Being able to shift into a titan…" Armin shook his head lightly, "that's just an added bonus to the already strong soldier core."
Eren listened wordlessly, head and eyes downcast.
A moment of silence passed. Armin became more and more anxious as the time passed. Why wasn't he saying anything?
"We promised that we would reach the ocean together," the blonde said firmly, "and that's what we're going to do."
"But how could we… if they decide to get rid of me before we can get there…?" came the whispered reply.
Blue eyes flashed with determination, "Then Mikasa and I will break you out and we'll go outside the walls on our own." He locked eyes with Eren. "We made a promise to each other and I intend to see it through... I know Mikasa would say the same."
Armin's intensity about the matter got to Eren. He spent so much time wallowing in his self hatred and insecurities that he often forgot that he had people around him that cared. But they didn't just care about his capabilities as a soldier, they cared about him and how he was doing.
Eren felt tears tickling the back of his eyes, though he quickly rubbed them away before Armin could see. He wanted to be strong for him; after all, the blonde had come up there for a reason too.
"Thanks, Armin. That...means a lot. All of it."
He smiled in response, his blue eyes shining with pride. His fair haired head turned upward to the silver moon. The calmness of the night was reassuring and warm.
"Hey, Armin?" Eren asked after a time.
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to talk about your dream?"
Armin's faced flushed with color and his eyes quickly averted from his friend's. He looked down to his feet, fiddling with his hands. "Ummm no...it was dumb. Not really as scary as it was when I was half-asleep."
"I'm sure it's not that dumb, Armin. You can tell me," Eren's teal eyes reflected curiously. He wanted to help Armin almost as much as he wanted to know whatever kind of embarrassing dream he'd had.
"Well...we were, uh, out on a mission...and, uh, someone came up behind me and...pulled my pants down -"
Eren had to stifle a laugh.
Armin's faced burned with embarrassment. "And I tripped and got eaten by a titan."
"That's...terrible." Eren knew he was doing an awful job at hiding his amusement.
"Yeah...well it was at least embarrassing. Just don't be surprised if I wear a few extra belts out on the next mission."
It was quiet before Eren let out a small scoff. "What?" Armin interrogated.
"You came out here because you got your pants pulled down and I went and dumped all my shit on you, didn't I?"
Armin looked up, relief filling his features at the fact that his friend wasn't going to laugh at his dream. "What are friends for?"
Eren laughed. Both sighed and breathed in the night. "You can borrow one of my belts if you need an extra," the brunette said with another chuckle, pulling himself to a stand.
"No...thanks. I don't think we're the same size anyway…" Armin, too, drudged himself to his feet. "We should probably head in. We'll be no use tomorrow if we get no sleep."
"Right."
With that, they spun on their heals, the two life-long friends heading in both a little more relaxed, a little stronger than before. As they turned to go their separate ways, Eren spoke up one last time, "Hey, Armin."
"Yeah, Eren?"
"Thanks again."
"Always."
With that, they retired, and either teen slept better than they had in weeks.
Tah-dah! I was pretty please with the outcome of this ficlet... Hope you enjoyed as well! R&R and tell us your thoughts!
~Ghosties
-Aria