toubousha-full of grace
A/N: And here comes a little song fic series, all taking place around one event, from different POV's...first off is Daisuke, just because...he's my puppy. ^ ^ Next up will be from a made up's POV-but guess what? This made up will be *older* then the digi-destined (lots...around 27 years old, more then ten years older then the third generation), have *nothing* to do the digital world, and will ::gasp:: NOT date any of the digi-destined! She's the cop who is assigned to investigate Daisuke's runaway. ^_^
Oh, and in case you're wondering, this song is 'full of grace', by Sarah Mclachlan.
Oh, and in case you want to know? I deleted 'Suicide' off FFN. I'm sorry about this too (especially to you, Cybra!) but same thing with 'Bittersweet Symphony'...it was just awful. If you want a good depression fic, read 'Depression' by Cynthia, Piedmon's Lady and Lady Dragon...one of the best fan fics you will *ever* read. No joke.
~*~
~the winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone
we haven't seen the sun for weeks
to long too far from home~
Wuss.
Pansy.
Coward.
Chicken, infant, unmanly, etc....
Now, of all times, I'm wondering if I should have gone through with this.
But it's too late, isn't it? I was depressed. They weren't helping, he wasn't helping, my family wasn't helping...so I ran. Now I'm some alley full of drunks, and I'm curled up in a ball, trying to shield myself from vomit. I would give *anything* to be in my bed now, but I know that everyone I know would give everything for me to be here right now. It's what everyone else wants, ne?
~I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go~
Maybe I should have just...you know, killed myself.
But, I know that I would never get past picking up the blade. Me, being...well, me, I would probably start crying the moment that I got the blade 5 inches above my skin. So I guess this the best choice. I mean, I'm still alive, and I'm gone from everyone's lives! Sure, my life *will* be a living hell, but...hey. Beggars can't be choosers.
Chibimon...I wonder if he still misses me? I should have taken him with me. I told him where I was going and what I was doing, and I told him I would be back, too... but I guess that just wasn't enough...he went all hysterical when I told him I was leaving. He started bawling and begged me to take him with me, but I couldn't make him live like this. He deserves better than that, you know? I mean...he was there for me. *Always.* Even though I'm a complete and total loser, he was always by my side.
I'll never forget that.
I told him I would come for him, when I needed him...I need him now, but...I can't let myself go back.
~if all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love~
Courage? Friendship? ...Whoever decided I would get *those* must have been on drugs or something, really. First of all, I'm nothing like Taichi or Yamato. Taichi wouldn't of gotten depressed in the first place..everyone respects him. They look up to him and see a golden god. And Yamato...he would have found some way to cope with all this. He did, according to Takeru. And Hikari.
Hikari...another reason I'm doing this. I just can't take her anymore. I don't love her, and I don't have a crush on her. I can't go on pretending that I do...it just hurts too much, he hurts me too much...
Hey...that's the kind of coward I am. I can't help it, can I?
~so it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
where everything we said and did
hurts us all the more
its just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go~
It's better this way. I keep on having to tell myself that, and I have to keep on making myself believe that, even though it is better this way, with me gone. They can make Takeru the leader, or Hikari, or someone they don't hate, and I don't have to face him every single day.
Him...Ken-chan. I always wanted to call him that, even though...even though everyone knows that Miyako will be the only one to call him that. Everyone says that he loves her, he just doesn't know it yet. He doesn't deny...that just makes me want to cry, pathetic as that is. Miyako doesn't deserve him, dammit...she never trusted him! She 'fell in love' with a cute famous guy, she didn't even trust him when he turned good, and he has to constantly prove himself to her! Ken is too *good* for Miyako, dammit! He deserves better!
Don't get me wrong...I don't deserve him either.
~if all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love~
..I have no where to go. I want to get out of this place...but I want to get away from that place.
I'm lost in this world, and I have no one to show me the way.
Everyone hates me, and there's barely a thing stopping me from just...running.
That thing is..it's just wrong. Horribly wrong.
I can't take this much longer...I need to get out of here...someone might find me. Hell, knowing my luck, within the next five minutes, someone *will* find me.
It isn't fair. But...I promised Chibimon...besides, I have to hang around here...just for a while. You know, until...until I can leave.
Maybe one day I can leave without looking back, and I can stop thinking about him. Maybe I'll find someone else, and maybe-just maybe-I can stop being a digi-destined. I can forget about the digital world, and forget that Motomiya Daisuke ever existed, and forget that he ever loved Ichijouji Ken. Maybe...but until then...
Aishiteru, Ken-chan. Aishiteru.
A/N: And here comes a little song fic series, all taking place around one event, from different POV's...first off is Daisuke, just because...he's my puppy. ^ ^ Next up will be from a made up's POV-but guess what? This made up will be *older* then the digi-destined (lots...around 27 years old, more then ten years older then the third generation), have *nothing* to do the digital world, and will ::gasp:: NOT date any of the digi-destined! She's the cop who is assigned to investigate Daisuke's runaway. ^_^
Oh, and in case you're wondering, this song is 'full of grace', by Sarah Mclachlan.
Oh, and in case you want to know? I deleted 'Suicide' off FFN. I'm sorry about this too (especially to you, Cybra!) but same thing with 'Bittersweet Symphony'...it was just awful. If you want a good depression fic, read 'Depression' by Cynthia, Piedmon's Lady and Lady Dragon...one of the best fan fics you will *ever* read. No joke.
~*~
~the winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone
we haven't seen the sun for weeks
to long too far from home~
Wuss.
Pansy.
Coward.
Chicken, infant, unmanly, etc....
Now, of all times, I'm wondering if I should have gone through with this.
But it's too late, isn't it? I was depressed. They weren't helping, he wasn't helping, my family wasn't helping...so I ran. Now I'm some alley full of drunks, and I'm curled up in a ball, trying to shield myself from vomit. I would give *anything* to be in my bed now, but I know that everyone I know would give everything for me to be here right now. It's what everyone else wants, ne?
~I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go~
Maybe I should have just...you know, killed myself.
But, I know that I would never get past picking up the blade. Me, being...well, me, I would probably start crying the moment that I got the blade 5 inches above my skin. So I guess this the best choice. I mean, I'm still alive, and I'm gone from everyone's lives! Sure, my life *will* be a living hell, but...hey. Beggars can't be choosers.
Chibimon...I wonder if he still misses me? I should have taken him with me. I told him where I was going and what I was doing, and I told him I would be back, too... but I guess that just wasn't enough...he went all hysterical when I told him I was leaving. He started bawling and begged me to take him with me, but I couldn't make him live like this. He deserves better than that, you know? I mean...he was there for me. *Always.* Even though I'm a complete and total loser, he was always by my side.
I'll never forget that.
I told him I would come for him, when I needed him...I need him now, but...I can't let myself go back.
~if all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love~
Courage? Friendship? ...Whoever decided I would get *those* must have been on drugs or something, really. First of all, I'm nothing like Taichi or Yamato. Taichi wouldn't of gotten depressed in the first place..everyone respects him. They look up to him and see a golden god. And Yamato...he would have found some way to cope with all this. He did, according to Takeru. And Hikari.
Hikari...another reason I'm doing this. I just can't take her anymore. I don't love her, and I don't have a crush on her. I can't go on pretending that I do...it just hurts too much, he hurts me too much...
Hey...that's the kind of coward I am. I can't help it, can I?
~so it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
where everything we said and did
hurts us all the more
its just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go~
It's better this way. I keep on having to tell myself that, and I have to keep on making myself believe that, even though it is better this way, with me gone. They can make Takeru the leader, or Hikari, or someone they don't hate, and I don't have to face him every single day.
Him...Ken-chan. I always wanted to call him that, even though...even though everyone knows that Miyako will be the only one to call him that. Everyone says that he loves her, he just doesn't know it yet. He doesn't deny...that just makes me want to cry, pathetic as that is. Miyako doesn't deserve him, dammit...she never trusted him! She 'fell in love' with a cute famous guy, she didn't even trust him when he turned good, and he has to constantly prove himself to her! Ken is too *good* for Miyako, dammit! He deserves better!
Don't get me wrong...I don't deserve him either.
~if all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love~
..I have no where to go. I want to get out of this place...but I want to get away from that place.
I'm lost in this world, and I have no one to show me the way.
Everyone hates me, and there's barely a thing stopping me from just...running.
That thing is..it's just wrong. Horribly wrong.
I can't take this much longer...I need to get out of here...someone might find me. Hell, knowing my luck, within the next five minutes, someone *will* find me.
It isn't fair. But...I promised Chibimon...besides, I have to hang around here...just for a while. You know, until...until I can leave.
Maybe one day I can leave without looking back, and I can stop thinking about him. Maybe I'll find someone else, and maybe-just maybe-I can stop being a digi-destined. I can forget about the digital world, and forget that Motomiya Daisuke ever existed, and forget that he ever loved Ichijouji Ken. Maybe...but until then...
Aishiteru, Ken-chan. Aishiteru.