Title: Everybody's Goin' to the Moon
Author: Alexa
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, and Bandai.
Author's Notes: I have no idea where this story is going, so expect
exceptional strangeness. Of course, you should always expect that, so...BTW:
Written for Titangirl's challenge on Fanfiction.net, hence more of the
strangeness. That and I'm listening to reggae. Weird. Hm, I should change the
station. 'I'm a renegade surviver, a new age warrior, and I'm travelling the
universe, searching for the future...'
***
It was a lovely day in the Cinq Kingdom. For some unexplainable
reason, Heero and Wufei were down in the billiards room of the palace
shooting pool. There is no point behind this, as will be pointed out in the
dialogue.
For once, Heero was the first to speak. "Why are we doing this?" He
asked the Chinese, aiming a clean shot at the seven. "Left corner pocket," he
predicted.
Wufei leaned on his pool cue. "Because we're weak," he murmered,
somewhat predictibly. Heero missed the cue ball completely, scratching up
part of the pool table's covering. He looked up to glower at the other boy,
who ignored the threat completely by leaning close to the table and lining up
his shot. "Right corner," he told Heero, hitting the cue ball lightly and
watching it knock the seven into the pocket. Heero continued glaring.
"I'm going to kill you."
"Ohh! I'm so scared! I want my mommy!" Wufei mocked, giving Heero a
dry look. "Get a new phrase, pal." Slowly, Heero's expression changed from
nearly dead anger to a feral predatorial gaze.
"Ok," he said after a moment. He thrust Wufei back on the pool table.
"Let's do the cat."
Wufei was surprisingly willing.
***
Zechs walked into Relena's room. (Although this doesn't fit anywhere
into the Gundam Wing plotline, as he was always Milliardo in the Cinq
Kingdom, he's going to be Zechs for the sake of the story. Why that is isn't
that important, but will be revealed later. Maybe.) A strange sight met his
eyes.
"Ummmm...why are you kissing a doll?" He asked, giving his sister a
confused look. "And why does it look like...EEUW!" He screamed, leaping back.
"WHY DOES YOUR DOLL LOOK LIKE THE CHICKEN MAN?!"
Relena clutched her chibi-Quinze doll possessively. "Don't call
Quinze-poo that," she whispered. "It's not like I can hurt you or anything,
because I'm a pacifist and all, but I can do this," and her voice rose to its
shrill heights, crying for help.
***
"HEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOO! COOOOOOOOME AAAAAAAND KIIIIIIIIIIIILL
MEEEEEEEEEE!" Dorothy heard the noise all the way from her room, across the
palace, which was a vast several miles. She ran down corridors, leapt over
small dogs, and killed several guards to reach Relena's room. By the time she
got there, she found Heero standing in the doorway, clad only in his spandex,
holding a rocket launcher on his shoulder and looking very damn sexy. Zechs
hid in a corner, hands over his ears, eyes going in little swirlies. Relena
stood in the middle of the room, lighting incense and praying, her eyes buggin
g out in little hearts at the sight of her obsession. Dorothy raised an
eyebrow and leaned her chin on her hand.
"How very adorable," she murmered, taking in the entire scene. "I
must have a mosaic of this made for my room, a whole tableau of death,
destruction, and humor." She stepped in the room. "Heero Yuy. I challenge you
to a duel," she cried, pulling her fencing foil from Who-Knows-Where
(Who-Knows-Where is the equivalent of Spandex-Space, only it doesn't require
the user to wear spandex. Both are trademarked by HammerSpace Inc, copyright
B.C. 398. No, not really.). Heero dropped the launcher on Relena's head and
pulled a foil from Spandex-Space. They began a glorious fight, unparalleled
in all history, never to be compared to. In the end, they had to stop because
Zechs, astounded by the magnificence of Heero fighting, flung himself on the
small Japanese boy.
"Shut up," Heero hissed to his new companion. "Can't you see I'm
working? You bloody Peacecrafts," he cried, but gave in anyway. They'd made
it to third base before Dorothy ran Zechs through.
"Much better," she smirked, pulling her foil loose and flinging it
into Relena's throat, cleanly slicing the annoyance's head off.
"Oh look," Heero said after a moment. "They're all dead. Now what?"
"Now I teach you some new moves with your foil," Dorothy informed
him, using her eyebrows to give the words new meanings. Heero readily
complied.
***
And somewhere, Quatre and Trowa cuddled.