It was a really dark and stormy night, and I'm not even kidding (though I wish I was). Sammy and I just came to our motel-room-of-the-day after a nasty hunt with a black dog (that turned out was a female and had little pups) and I was really exhausted and just needed to sleep! And you know what? Of-fucking-course I wouldn't get any, because if dear ol' Daddy up high didn't hate me, somebody sure as hell did.
Because right there, in the middle of the room, popping out of nowhere (which we have kinda gotten used to by now) were four toddlers who immediately started crying. And what has become of my life that this isn't even on the top five of the 'Weirdest shit that has happened to us thus far' list?
"What the fuck?" real eloquent Winchester, but I dare you to be eloquent in a situation like this.
The toddlers weren't being forthcoming, and Sam had that look like a moose-caught-in-headlights. Just when I was ready to shoot something, 'cause the little monsters weren't shutting up, the doorbell rang.
"Since when do motel rooms have a doorbell?" shouted Sam.
I pulled out my Glock 42 and slowly opened the door, as soon as it was opened, the children stopped crying. I had my back turned to them, so I didn't see what they were doing, but right now I had bigger problems. Because in front of me was standing the pair of people that I never expected to see again, like ever.
Becky Rosen and Chuck Shurley.
"Hello Dean." They said. At the same time. With a really freakishly happy face. And they were kinda glowing/shimmering/whatever.
I just kept staring at them. They stared back. It was creepy.
Then they pushed me aside and went in, without even a by your leave! How rude!
Sam, of course, looked a little nervous when he spotted Becky. And who can blame the guy? She wanted to marry my brother while he was under the effects of a love potion, so not cool.
"Chuck? Becky? What are you doing here? And how are you alive?!" the little geek asked/yelled, the last part meant for the once-maybe-still prophet.
"Hi Sammy!" Becky waved cheerfully. Poor shmuck looked like he wanted to puke.
I closed the door behind them. It kinda unnerved me how the kids were all quiet now when not even five minutes ago they were screaming their lungs out. They just kept staring at Chuck and Becky.
The blond went to the kids and started cuddling them, they seemed to like it. But still, what the hell?
Sammy and I glared at Chuck, who laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck.
"Well, I guess that I need to explain some things." He said.
"No shit." Sammy and I replied.
"It would be nice if you called Cas here"
"Cas bring your feathery ass down here!" I yelled, still looking at Chuck. "It's important!"
Not a moment later, there was a rustle of feathers on my right. Cas took one look at Chuck and Becky and I could see him getting his sword and charging at Chuck with a furious look on his face.
"Cas!" Sam and I yelled as we lunged after him. But just before he buried his sword into Chuck, something seems to have thrown him into the wall on his right, conveniently on the other side of the room from the kids.
He was struggling even though it was obvious he was not getting away. Becky stood up and went to Chuck's side. The kids were sleeping.
"How dare you show yourself?! After all this time? You did nothing, and you still show yourself here?!" the angel all but screamed.
"Hey Cas calm down! What is going on here?" Sam ran to his bag and pulled out a gun, aiming it at the duo in our room. Mine was trained on them, going from Becky to Chuck every few seconds, since Cas flew through the air.
Becky looked a bit resigned . "There is just no good way to say this. So I'll not beat around the bush. We are God." She said.
Sammy and I blinked at her, Cas was still pinned at the wall, though he stopped struggling.
"And I'm Santa Clause. Nice to meet you." I replied. Sam gave me bitchface No. 12. The one that means 'I can't believe we are related', sometimes neither can I bro.
Chuck snapped with his fingers and Cas was released.
"Last we knew, God didn't want to come back. So why should we believe that what you are telling is true and not some crazy LARP-ing from some fanfiction you fantasized?" Please Sammy, don't remind me of her fanfiction! The horror!
They just rolled their eyes, Becky even added some huffing sounds. She didn't even have the decency to snap her fingers, but at that moment all the lights went out. I could still hear and see their glowing. I know what that sounds like, the sound is very faint, but still there. All of a sudden a voice made out of thousands of voices yelled inside my head "WE ARE GOD, YOU WILL DO WELL TO REMEMBER". It didn't sound angry or anything, it was just so loud and I can still hear ringing inside my own head and it needs to stop!
Suddenly it did stop, just then I noticed that I was on the ground, my hands over my ears, shivering. Sam was kneeling next to me, his arms around me, glaring at them. Cas was standing in front of us, his sword in hand. When I took my hands away from my ears, they were bloody. Just great. How could a voice in my head pop my ears? God, I need a drink. Or twenty.
"What did you do to him?" Wow, dear Sammy sounded like he was ready to kill.
"The same we did to you." Replied Chuck. Is it just me or does he look at me funny?
"You will heal him. Now." Cas growled, he honest-to-God growled, at God. Fuck my life.
A second later, I was healed. Which was kinda awesome, but I wish I didn't need healing in the first place.
"Obviously You did something else to him!" Keep Calm and Stop Shouting at God, Sammy! I should make a shirt with that. I snorted. The next second I had a black shirt in my hands (which were clean, btw) that read in bold white letters 'Keep Calm and Stop Shouting at God', with a little crown on top. It was even my size!
"Dude, thanks for the shirt, but stop reading my mind!" Chuck and Becky just looked amused. Dear Lord that was a mouthful! Maybe I should just shorten it. Now how to do it…
Now Sam and Cas were looking at me like I was crazy, which is not far off. Maybe I should stop spacing out like this. Since when have I even started doing it? Back to the topic! Focus Winchester!
"Okay, let's say you two are God," their eyebrows twitched. "Then why are there two of you? As far as I know, there is only one sheriff in town."
Sam looked curious as well, Cas was still standing in front of us, so I can't say what his expression is. And I just now realized that I was still kneeling on the floor, with my little brother's arm around me, and that lights are back on. I quickly stand up and dust myself off, tucking the shirt partially in my back pocket. I am so keeping it!
"We don't have a gender, Dean. So We took vessels to represent each gender, because one human, even if it is a prophet, cannot hold all of Our power." It was creepy how they completed each other's sentences. A quick look at Sam reveals that he thinks the same thing. Now I know how people feel when he and I talk at the same time.
Chuck and Becky… Chucky… Checky (I like that one, let's go with that) look a little too satisfied for my tastes.
"You still haven't answered my question." Cas said, he still sounds a bit growley. If I was in his place, I probably wouldn't be so restrained.
"We have come back and wish to restore the damage that has been done to the Host. It would seem that Our leaving was a bit too radical for the angels."
"You don't say?" Cas has mastered sarcasm! I am such a good influence on him. You go Cas!
"And why did You leave in the first place?" Now Cas sounded angry, confused and sad. Sam and I put a hand on his shoulders for comfort, no way was he facing this alone. He is a honorary Winchester after all.
"We wanted you to learn to fly on your own, to learn about free will and make your own choices. It's a lot like leaving-"
"If You finish the sentence with a bird metaphor I am going to shoot You, both of You!" Now it is my turn to growl.
Checky looked a little sheepish.
"And besides, that is one of the most horrible parenting tactics ever!" An now I am scolding God. Keep calm, Dean. You won't gain anything if you get angry now. But looking at Cas, how can I not get angry? I would know something about deadbeat dads, and what God did was even worse than what my dad did. I should keep scolding Checky, make Them understand that what They did was wrong. I should keep calm and keep scolding God. That would make an awesome shirt too. And, of course, another shirt appears in my hands. This one is green and has in bold black letters 'Keep Calm and Keep Scolding God'.
Sam snorted. "Dude, where are those shirts coming from?" I just gave Checky a look. He nodded with an 'aah' look.
"You should really stop reading my mind. That is inappropriate and breaches privacy." I was following what my shirt said, it is a very smart shirt.
"Now, before anything else: You should restore Cas' grace." Sam was nodding in agreement. A snap of fingers from Checky and the angel widened his eyes, I think that he looks healthier. He's not standing so hunched now and some color has returned to his face. I haven't even noticed that Cas looked so bad until he didn't anymore. That made me feel bad, some friend I am.
"I'm curious. Who are the kids?" Sammy asked. I look over to the other side of the motel room and notice that they sleep still. How could they sleep through all this?
"Oh them? They are Michael, Lucifer (also known as Sammael), Rafael and Gabriel. And you are going to take care of them until the mess in Heaven is settled."
"WHAT?!"