Hey guys :) Okay, so I've been writing this in pieces over the past few days, and I finished it last night. This actually stemmed from a slightly random conversation about Max's drug habit weirdly enough, and somewhere along the line it became this. (How the hell Max's drug habit has to do with angsty Jo/Stevie, I won't figure out...) Also, warnings! This IS slash - it's not too slashy though this part, but if I do carry on with this, it will get more slashy. Another thing is that this is quite a grim piece and contains references to self harm, so if you don't want to read something with slash AND self harm refs, look away. (Slash + self harm = the reason why it's rated 15/T...) Other than that, enjoy and I hope you like it! :) One more thing - crappy title, I know.
Jo took a swift glance towards the little blonde tucked up on the sofa, deeming the way her knees were drawn to her chest as uncharacteristic of her usual hyper persona, and a perfect emblem of the way recent events had affected her. Looking away, it hurt Jo somewhat to see Stevie so broken, and the feeling that standing there watching her for any longer would shatter her own heart had overtook her, forcing her to look away. Busying herself by heading into the kitchen and pouring them each a glass of water (there was no way in hell that she would let Stevie anywhere near a drop of alcohol in her current state) Jo's thoughts momentarily turned to the way that Stevie had precariously perched herself on the sofa. With her knees tucked closely to her body, also being used as a resting place for her chin, and her shoulders hunched tightly, her small frame looked even tinier than usual. Jo would have forgiven anyone in a flash if they mistook her for a petrified little child who wasn't going to let anyone past her guard.
Only she let you past her defenses, didn't she? Her thoughts were right - whereas Stevie pushed everyone else away (the heated argument from the day before between her and Mickey when he'd tried to pull her into a gentle embrace to comfort her was still ringing in her ears) Jo was a different case. Whilst attending to some minor cuts that Stevie had obtained from a struggle with a persistent suspect, she'd suddenly broke into tears and stumbled into Jo's hastily outstretched arms. Her body shuddered as she tried to keep her cries of dismay quiet to anyone but Jo, who reached over to the door to the FME office and closed it. They stood there for a while in what felt like a timeless void, with the same actions being repeated with Jo rubbing her friend's back and softly whispering to her, whilst Stevie held onto the front of the Sergeant's uniform in front of her with an impervious grip, occasionally coming close to crying out what sounded like tortured screams, muffled against the fabric of Jo's clothing. It was during this time that Jo first noticed the scars and marks on Stevie's left arm, the ones that screamed out to her in the same manner that the younger woman was at the time.
'Jo?' Stevie's quiet voice calling from the living room snapped Jo out of her thoughts, who was still standing in the kitchen with cold water running on her hand. Turning off the tap and taking the two glasses of water off the counter, Jo went back into the living room where Stevie was waiting for her. Whilst setting down their drinks on the table, Jo felt her movements being followed by a pair of blue eyes, despite the fact that she had her back turned to Stevie, leaving behind a slightly curious feeling when she turned around to see her eyes skit away quickly. Jo sat herself down close to Stevie, but not close enough for them to accidentally touch each other if their hands brushed past. Jo tried to settle down in the melancholy atmosphere around her, but couldn't help but note that the blonde was huddled in the same position as earlier, not helping but to wonder what was running through her head. Part of her wanted to know what was so bad that it reduced Stevie to a frightened mess, only so that she could try to help her, but another not wanting to in fear of how dark this all really was, and breaking her own heart promising to help Stevie when that was something she might not be able to do.
Taking a glance towards her friend, Jo was surprised to see Stevie's frigid body shudder for a moment, followed by her pulling her legs as close to her as physically possible and rubbing her arms with her hands. Realizing herself the presence of the cold air in the room, which had started to nibble at her fingertips and bare toes, Jo took a quick scan for a blanket somewhere. None was to be seen in sight, making Jo a tiny bit exasperated for Stevie and herself. Hearing a quick and shaky breath being drawn in by Stevie, an idea had formed in her head.
'Stevie?' Jo asked quietly, as to not startle her from the silence of the room before. 'Are you cold?' Knowing that it was kind of a stupid question, but going ahead with asking it anyway, Jo received a tilt of the head from Stevie, followed by a slow nod and a whisper that wouldn't have been heard if it wasn't for the lack of noise in the room.
'Yeah, just a bit...' Understatement of the year, Moss. Sitting there shivering away is hardly a bit cold... Jo slid her arms out of the sleeves of her jumper, then took the rest of it off, leaving her with just her blouse on. Stevie, whose eyes hadn't left the older woman since she'd asked if she was cold, had developed a confused look on her face as Jo sat there with her jumper in her hand. Holding her arm out a little bit, Jo offered Stevie the garment that she'd just removed.
'Here, take it.' Stevie's gaze flickered up from the grey material to Jo's eyes, her confused expression from before forming into something that partly resembled a child-like curiosity.
'Jo, I can't do that... it's yours, and besides...' Stevie reached out for the exposed skin of Jo's elbow joint, the touch of the cold skin of both Stevie's fingertips and Jo's arm sending shivers through both women. As Stevie slowly and lightly trailed her fingers down Jo's lower arm towards her hand, then down her slightly longer fingers where they lingered for just a moment, Jo watched the cautious look in her eyes as she performed her actions. Feeling Stevie's hand settle down just millimeters away from the tips of her fingers, Jo once again heard Stevie's as quiet as a mouse tone speak up and breaking the silence that had settled in with the atmosphere around them.
'You're just as cold as me... I'm fine, honest.' Jo sighed, before putting the jumper down in the space between them, and reaching out for the blonde's hand and taking it between two of her own. She felt Stevie's hand twitch around a bit before gently holding on her hand, her fingers curving around the smooth skin of Jo's knuckles.
'Hun, if I was as cold as you, I wouldn't be offering you my jumper, would I?' Jo felt herself filled with glee when she heard Stevie giggle, as well as a bashful smile light up her face. Even if it did only last for a few seconds, Jo was glad to know that somewhere, the real Stevie was still in there, and that not all hope was lost. That she was fixable. Feeling Stevie's fingers contract from around her own, and reaching for the jumper set on the sofa for her, Jo smiled as she watched her friend struggle to pull the material over her head and wriggling around to get it around her torso.
When the mop of blonde hair emerged from the jumper slightly tousled and messy, Stevie proceeded to turn her attention to the sleeves, which were way too long for her and covered her hands completely. Giving up when they kept unraveling and rolling down to their full length, Jo watched as Stevie frowned in frustration before looking up at her with a slightly shy light in her eyes and wrapped her arms around her stomach, snuggling into the warmth that lay between the fabrics.
'Thank you, Jo.' she said almost on a whisper. Jo studied Stevie's new appearance, before smiling and rubbing her arm in a friendly gesture. Cute, she thought, almost... childlike. Always knowing the woman as cheeky, outgoing, quirky and generally happy-go-lucky, the thought of Stevie's new innocence struck Jo as... odd. Yes, Stevie did have her moments where her actions could have caused someone to go 'Bless her' quietly to the person next to them, whether it was a act of sweetness, kindness, or if she'd just been a bit clumsy, but with a Stevie who donned this persona all the time, Jo wondered what her innocence would also bring to the plate?
Naivety? Softness? Fear? Looking out of the corner of her eye, Jo noted the way Stevie had both hands wrapped around her glass as she took slow sips of water. A detective sergeant with an air of innocence wouldn't work... God knows what would happen to her. She could get hurt. Jo clenched her fists and frowned, finding a new found protectiveness over her friend growing in her stomach, only to dismiss it as a spur of the moment thing, brought on by Stevie's recent behavior change.
Hearing chattering of teeth beside her, Jo turned and looked at Stevie, whose hands were frantically rubbing her arms, probably trying to generate some heat. Reaching out for Stevie's cheek, Jo took her by surprise as her fingers lightly touched the surface of her face. The cold skin that lay underneath Jo's fingers made her worry, and as her fingers trailed down to Stevie's jaw, she exhaled slowly and gave her a sympathetic smile.
'Oh, Stevie...' she whispered quietly before getting up from the sofa. 'I'll be back in a minute, okay?' Seeing Stevie's head bob up and down, Jo left the room quickly. True to her word, Jo was back minutes later with a thick blanket in her hands. Kneeling down so that she was at Stevie's eye level, their eyes both showed a look of tender affection, a look that felt new and strange to Jo. She took the blanket and reached over Stevie's shoulders, draping the sheet down her back. Then, Jo gently tugged around Stevie's chest, ensuring that the blanket was wrapped tightly around her small body. Satisfied with her work, Jo tucked a stand of loose blonde hair behind Stevie's ear and pulled away, seating herself back down in her spot on the sofa.
Feeling Stevie nudging into her side, Jo turned her attention to her companion, who had her arm around Jo's shoulder whilst trying to get the blanket to stay in place there. Jo took the corner of the blanket and secured it over half of her body. With both of their bodies huddled under the blanket, Jo felt Stevie cuddling up to her side, fitting the gentle curves of her body to her own more curvy one. Stevie looked up at Jo with an unsure expression, one that again was unusual of her. Another thing her innocence had bought... Jo noted in her head. Taking hold of the instinctive, Jo wrapped her arm around Stevie's shoulder tightly, whilst she felt her arm gently go around her waist.
The feel of Stevie's body beside her was tense and firm, though she soon loosened up and relaxed a bit into Jo's arms. They both sat there in a contemplative and comfortable silence – Jo enjoying both the heat from the blanket and from the woman next to her. Over time, eventually feeling Stevie's head drop onto her shoulder (though not from sleep), Jo found her cheek straying to the top of Stevie's head, only realizing what happened when a few stands of blonde hair startled her by tickling her, accidentally making Stevie stir in the process. Jo muttered an apology, quickly returning her cheek to it's position on the top of Stevie's head – but not before seeing Stevie's cute smile.
Noticing how the soft light played on Stevie's features, Jo smiled at the effect it was having. The way her skin looked soft, and had acquired a healthy glow as the light reached her, and the way that the tiny specks of grey pigment had overpowered the blue ones, mixing in with them and giving her eyes a grayish tingle. Her hair shone too – appearing with a slightly more orange hue, making the colour look like a cross between blonde and a light auburn. Her smile was also affected, the gentle upward curve of her li-
'You smell of strawberries.' The sentence caught Jo off guard whilst in the middle of studying Stevie's appearance. Stevie looked up at Jo, who almost instantly felt herself flush red. Masters, you don't do embarrassed... why the hell are you like this? Oh yeah, 'cause she looked up right at the moment that you were staring at her lips, didn't she? Nice move, smart arse.
'I... what?' Being confused into silence wasn't helping Jo with recovering from her embarrassment, neither was gawping at Stevie like she was from a different planet... Luckily, Stevie didn't really seem to notice, and shrugged her shoulders and repeated her statement.
'I said you smell of strawberries.' She smiled, but her eyes fell to her lap, darting away in an almost nervous manner. 'In a good way of course.' she added quickly, but quietly at the same time. It was then that the sweet aroma of coconuts reached Jo's nose, the scent not too strong or too faint. She was able to decipher that it was coming from Stevie's hair - more than likely due to whatever shampoo she used that morning. Lowering her head a bit so that her mouth was by Stevie's ear, Jo brushed the hair covering her ear away, taking it between her fingers and letting it fall in the spaces between. Jo picked up on the softness of the blonde silk as it tickled her skin before turning her attention back to Stevie's ear, whispering into it softly.
'You smell of coconuts.' Her tone sounded husky and erotic, making Jo surprised, not expecting to sound like... like... like you're trying to seduce her... which you're NOT! You don't even like Stevie in that way... right? Jo pulled away and cleared her throat, trying to cover up for her mistake and hoping that Stevie didn't notice that much. Glad when the blonde giggled and looked up at her, Jo gave Stevie's arm a little squeeze.
'Ouch...' Jo heard Stevie mutter under her breath, and caught her wincing. Also hearing the sharp intake of breath that followed as Jo took her hand away, she shook her head in concern, firmly taking Stevie's hand in her. The scars that she only managed to get a glimpse of before were brought to the front of Jo's mind, and she took a steady breath, steeling herself for what was to come.
'Stevie, hun... could I take a look at your arm?' she asked in a quiet voice. Feeling a bit more like she was at work talking to a broken victim, the familiarity setting in despite Jo not wanting it to. Mentally shaking her head, Jo reminded herself that she was dealing with Stevie, not someone who needed coaxing and comforting in order to open up. However, she wondered if the same tactics needed to be applied to Stevie... Stevie appeared to hesitate for a moment, fidgeting with the sleeves of Jo's jumper with her gaze set on the floor. Eventually, she wordlessly rolled up Jo's jumper sleeve, then tugged at her own.
Jo only tightened her her grip around Stevie's hand when her sleeve was fully rolled up, exposing the skin of her arm. There were scars covering Stevie's arm - some were long, others were short in length, but nonetheless, all of them screamed the same thing up at Jo. Help me.
'Oh, Stevie...' Jo finally whispered, in shock at the extent of the damage done to Stevie's upper arm. Hearing a whimper, followed by a few sniffles and shaky breaths, Jo could tell that Stevie had broke down and given in to her tears. Gathering up the blonde in her arms, Jo held her tightly as her body shook violently and racked from her sobs, all the while her attention flickering to the scars, coming to the grim conclusion that they must have resulted from self harm... Somewhere along the way, the blanket that they were both covered with slipped off, and Jo was holding Stevie in her arms as if she was a small frightened child who had woken up from a horrific nightmare, Though Jo felt a feeling of intution as she cradled her crying friend, one that said that Stevie wasn't the small frightened child who'd emerged from the horrors of the unconscious into a harmless reality, but more like the child who couldn't escape from her nightmares because that's what was reality to her. Jo soon felt Stevie pull away from her chest, as she looked up at her, her appearance with tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes still a new thing to Jo, having only seen that blonde like this two times prior to then.
'I... I'm so scared Jo... I don't know what I'm doing, or... or what's... what's happening to me...' Jo barely heard Stevie as her voice wavered whilst speaking in between shaky breaths. Gently cupping Stevie's cheek in her hand, Jo stroke it with her thumb in an attempt to at least calm her a bit. Feeling her new found protectiveness swell up in her, Jo felt the need and urge to do anything, absolutely anything to help her friend in her hour of need. Jo felt that in all the times she felt a sister-like fondness towards Stevie, whether it was bandaging her finger up after she'd been bitten by a ferret, comforting her after her heartbreak with Rob Towler and letting her stay at her flat that night, supporting her being attacked by both Devlin and Fuller, holding her in the FMEs office as she cried her heart out, she felt that it had all been building up to the point where Jo would go to any extreme for her. To do anything to put her back together again. Jo's eyes widened as a final thought had entered her head, one that confused her but made sense all the time, everything seeming to click together. The tender way that Jo reached for Stevie's hand, the way she cuddled her close to keep her warm, the way she felt nothing but utmost protection for her as she held her through her tears, it all began to fit together.
Yes, Jo was certain of it, she was certain of everything she'd ever felt for the little blonde who she'd come to know so well over the course of three years. Jo Masters knew in that exact moment that she had fallen in love with Stevie Moss.