Chapter 1: Regards from hell...

Hi, this is kind of my first fan fiction, so yeah.. It's set right after GWTW ends. I'm not fluent in English as i'm from Denmark, so if there's any mayor grammatical errors then that's why - well also if there's any small grammatical errors... yeah anyway enjoy! And please review if you feel like it!

Each step on the staircase felt like a stab in the heart, like a final blow who'd knock her over – each time his foot took a step he went further and further away from her. Soon he would be gone; gone like Melanie, gone like Bonnie, gone like… his love. He'd loved her – it felt as unreal as the fact that he now was leaving her. His love for her lay in the past now together with her own ignorance and childish fantasy about Ashley. She'd always praised herself for seeing reality in it's true and rough self, but looking back now she knew that she'd been as blind as Ashley. Her charming fair-haired prince from Twelve Oaks had begun to rot away revealing her true hearts desire – the swarthy pirate. It was such an irony how she and Ashley had shared a fantasy love throughout their entire life, and here was the fallout for their blurred reality. Solitude. This was such a brutal lesson; one of those that only life could give. How God had to be laughing at her now; this was the punishment for all of her wrongdoings. It had to be…

Her mesmerized eyes followed his figure as he disappeared at the top of the stairs – she wanted nothing more than to run to him and beg him to stay. Cry her eyes out, shout at him, hit him, and kiss him… Her feelings was in uproar; anger replacing sadness replacing loneliness replacing love replacing forgiveness; all leaving her in a numb state where time didn't seem to move. How could she make him stay? How could she make him love her again? What was she to do now? The sound of the door closing snapped her out of her numb state; the restlessness in her mind and body forced her to move. And she found herself running up the stairs taking two steps at the time her skirts flying up around her and her hair loosening itself from her bun. She reached his door, and pushed it open with such force that it smashed into the wall leaving an ear-shattering sound. Her green cat eyes found his - dark and bloodshot.

"What do you want, Scarlett?" not a smart remark, no mocking - just a cold, slightly annoyed voice.

"I…" she faltered as she looked into his eyes; an endless blackness and emptiness roared in them. He looked so tired, nothing like the swarthy pirate she'd met at Twelve Oaks; this was a broken man overwhelmed by grief. Could she really beg him to stay if he'd only drink himself to death? Could she ask him to stay with a wife he didn't love – in a house filled with the memories of their dead daughter? There wasn't anything left to say. He wanted to leave, and now he was leaving. She sighed. "I only wanted to say goodbye…" she said; her voice was slightly trembling but otherwise calm. He raised an eyebrow.

"No throwing with vases?" he questioned.

"Rhett, I…" she sighed deeply trying to steady her voice, "I… I'm going over to the Wilkes' place just… I promised them that I'd be back soon to help… I just wanted to say goodbye, to say that I'm sorry for… everything…" she faltered again, and bit her lip to stop it's trembling, "I won't beg you to stay no matter how much I want you to. If you believe it's for the best that you go then so be it, I wont force you to stay here only to see you drink yourself to death… I…" this time she couldn't hide neither her tears or trembling voice. The tears streamed down her cheeks, and blurred her sight. She cursed herself for seeming so weak; this would be how Rhett would remember her – sobbing like a little girl. Just get it over with, afterwards you can cry, she thought to herself as she took three quick steps forward so she was standing in front of him. While looking into his eyes she whispered: "I really do love you," he didn't react; not even his eyes flickered. She shook her head gently before placing her soft lips on his rough cheek. It was a little kiss that spoke of apology, love and goodbye. She slowly removed her lips leaving his cheek wet from both her lips and tears. He still remained silent standing stiff like a statue as if he only waited for her to disappear. His indifferent broke her last self-possession, and her shoulders began shaking as she sobbed. She stepped backwards while her lips formed the words goodbye. As she was about to turn, his voice sounded.

"Scarlett…" he said and took a step towards her, but she just shook her head, and put a hand out.

"I don't want your pity, Rhett" she managed to stutter before she turned around and ran out the door…

…

She ran out the front door not bothering to close it or caring if anyone saw her in her distress. There was only the need to get away and to keep on moving. She'd just have to suppress her pain until she'd have the time to deal with it – until she was back at Tara. Yes, at Tara she would allow herself to cry, but not now, because right now she had to keep on going – she had to arrange Melanie's funeral, take care of Ashley and Beau and tell her children. The thought of telling them that Melanie was dead was so horrible. The death of their favorite aunt – the loving and caring Melanie that had seemed more as a mother to them than Scarlett ever had, and then the departure of their loving stepfather, it would shake them deeply. From this day of they'd only have her… Their cold and unfeeling mother that was no better than a cat. Oh why did God need to take Melanie? Why did he take such a sweet, young and innocent woman, when the world was filled with cruel and uncaring people? She couldn't see the purpose of God if he only cared about taking the best of people, and letting the worst remain. Like the Yankees and Scallywags why did they get to live when Melanie, her mother, father, Bonnie and all the South's young men had to die. What purpose did that serve?

…

She slowed her pace when she saw the Wilke's house allowing herself to catch her breath. Sweat glistered to her forehead, and her hair had come undone; it was tangled around her shoulders looking like a shawl. Some of the restlessness that had roared in her body had fated by running, but she still felt distressed. "I must look like a mad woman" she whispered, and began composing herself – arranging her hair at her back and wiping the sweat off. Then she sighed deeply before entering the home of the Wilkes. As she opened the door she was met by a bunch of begging eyes all of them filled with anguish and all of them waiting for her command. Scarlett felt as she had back at Tara during the war; she was once again the person everyone depended upon and drew their strength from. Her nightmare began again…

…

The funeral had been beautiful, if you could even say such thing; Scarlett couldn't see the beauty in burying such a young woman in the ground, but the amount of mourners were touching and the flowers, songs and words had indeed been beautiful – and expensive, she silently added. It had now been five days since Melly's death and Rhett's leaving, and somehow her world had kept on going. The days had been filled with doings, and by keeping busy and drinking a lot of Brandy she'd managed without shedding more tears. Of course that had only caused people to call her cold and unfeeling; saying she didn't really cared for Melanie. Scarlett had just ignored the remarks though she secretly fantasized about slapping every single man and woman of The Old Guard.

Rhett had already left when she'd returned from the Wilke's; of that she hadn't been surprised though she'd been surprised by finding a letter from him. The letter said:

Dear Scarlett

I apologize for leaving you in such distress and with such a bad timing. I hope you'll give my condolences at the funeral and tell Wade and Ella that I love them. I've talked with Henry as well as the bank and you have nothing to fear regarding to your financial situation.

Best regards

- Rhett Butler

Scarlett had been so angry at his hard and unfeeling words after her declaration of her love for him, that she'd ripped the letter to pieces and thrown it into the fire. "I send you my best regards from hell, your bastard," she'd shouted not caring if the staff heard her. She hated that he'd seen her so weak, and though she'd meant every word that she'd said, she regretted them as well. After his letter it was clearly that he didn't feel a thing for her, and hadn't understood her at all. "I apologize for leaving you in such distress…" she wasn't just in distress, she was broken, devastating and without any happiness beside the calm feeling she god at the bottom of the bottle. She'd lost everything, and he'd asked her to send his regards and love to the children. Never mind she knew that he'd needed to leave and needed time, now she wished that she'd thrown a damn vase at him, and unleashed all of her anger… And as she sat in the train on her way to Tara where her children were, she began writing a letter to him – a letter to Rhett Butler…