A/N: Hey all! It's me again. I know, I know, I haven't finished my Star Trek story. Or my FFVII one for that matter. BUT I just had to write this one. It's a one-shot. Let me know what you think! -Bunny
Ianto was tired. Tired of the way people treated him. Like he was nothing. Like he didn't exist. But his problem was that he did exist. He existed and there was nothing he could do about that fact. Some days he wished he never had existed. That way people couldn't treat him this way. He joined Torchwood for his own reasons. Reasons no one else needed to know. He wanted to save people, make a difference. And he did. Eventually.
First he started off making coffee and tea for the team. He ran the tourist shop and guarded the entrance. Ianto did everything the team asked of him. When they needed a body disposed of, he got rid of it. When they needed tea or coffee made, he was the go-to guy. He arranged transport, located people things and times they needed for something. Ianto cleaned up after them day in and day out. The first one there and the last one to leave (Jack aside, of course). He never got a 'thank you', never got a 'hello, how are you'. Ianto was invisible. And he hated it. The only thing keeping him here was Lisa.
Lisa. Gorgeous, sweet, funny, caring Lisa. She never forgot about him. She always wanted to see him. She listened and talked and laughed and loved. She truly loved him. Lisa was the apple of his eye. The light at the end of the tunnel. Something for Ianto Jones to live for. But she wasn't the same Lisa as before. Canary Wharf had nearly killed her. He had nearly killed her. It was all his fault. The grief weighed heavier on his conscious than anything. He needed to fix her. HAD to fix her. But the others ruined that. Why couldn't he just be happy? They had killed her. They had killed his Lisa. Without a second thought for him. He had nearly died. Now, looking back, he wished he had.
Ianto hurt. Every inch of him hurt. Tosh knew. He could see it in her eyes. That strange pendant had something to do with it, he knew. He had never seen it before. And he remembered everything about someone, down to what they were wearing a year ago to the day. His dad had been a master tailor after all. Lisa was gone, his family was gone and now he was stuck cleaning up after this lot. That was the first time he had been thanked. Tosh had thanked him. Somehow, for some reason, a bit of that hurt went away with that one word. But it wasn't enough. He was alone. Well… Gwen was there.
Gwen Cooper was strange to him. She was a variable he hadn't factored in. A mystery. He knew everything about her. Ianto always made sure he knew everything about everyone so there could be no surprises. Well, not as many surprises as there would be if he didn't know so much. There was less margin for error that way. Gwen was… Nice to him. She paid attention to him, made small talk. Sometimes even offered her help. He appreciated it. Ianto's job wasn't hard, nor complicated. But it could be overwhelming sometimes. No one seemed to realize that he was drifting off. Floating away from the pack. No one cared. But Gwen was a double-edged sword. She hurt just as much as she helped.
Some nights, Ianto would be working late (not uncommon for him) and the Rift alarm would go off. More weevils somewhere that needed to be handled. Instead of waking Jack (who did actually sleep) or the others, Ianto would handle it himself. It wasn't like anyone would miss him if something happened to him. It wasn't like anyone would care if he was gone. He had no family, no loved ones. Like a lighthouse, he was standing alone in the middle of the ocean. Warning people. Helping people. Saving people. But never noticed on any other day. On these nights, he would take a gun and nothing else. The weevil spray never really worked anyways. On these nights, he would go back to his flat with gashes, bite marks, broken ribs and a cracked skull. The next day, if he was moving slow or had bandages, no one noticed. Why would they? He was just the tea boy. Ianto Jones was covered in scars that only he could see.
Sure, he had Rhiannon. And her husband. But they didn't care for him either. They never phoned, never wrote. All they wanted was to stay in their little bubble. Ianto pretended that didn't hurt. But he knew how they felt. They could never know about Torchwood. They could never know about what he did. They would hate him even more. Okay. Maybe he was exaggerating. But they had forgotten him. Everyone had.
Eventually, he started a relationship with Jack. Well, if one could call it that. All they did was shag. They never went to dinner or stayed in for a bite. It was just shagging. Ianto wanted more than that. He loved Jack. More than he loved Lisa, he loved Jack. But he knew that Jack couldn't return his feelings in kind. This is where Gwen becomes the double edged sword. Ianto saw how Jack looked at her. He saw how she looked at him. They… Were in love. More than she and Rhys. Even though they had just been married. He wanted that someday. To be married. He wanted to be married to Jack. But he knew that would never happen. Jack wanted what he couldn't have. Jack wanted Gwen. Owen wanted Gwen. Rhys wanted Gwen. Was he the only one who didn't bloody want Gwen? Ianto had cut into their dance at her wedding. He wanted to dance with his… Well with Jack. It was difficult to separate them. Jack was staring into Gwen's eyes and vice versa. The messages being sent were in print bold enough for anyone to read. He had tried desperately to ignore it.
Jack was reluctant. He didn't want to dance with Ianto and Ianto knew it. Wouldn't even look him in the face. The little bit of Ianto that was still alive was crushed in that one moment. But he would still keep coming back to Jack's bed. He wanted Jack. He needed Jack. But he couldn't have him. Gwen already had a hold on him that she would never let go of. Ianto was tired of being the second choice. He deserved everything everyone else had. But he couldn't have it. Jack told him never to call him his boyfriend. Because they weren't dating, he had said. Ianto supposed he was right.
Even now, as he lay dying in Jack's arms, Jack is all he can think of. He knows what's coming. He knows what's beyond life and in death. There is no Heaven, no Hell. Only darkness and nothing. They're all alone in the end. These last few moments, in Jack's arms while Thames House floods with gas, are the last moments he will ever know of Jack Harkness.
"I love you, Jack," he says with tears running down his face.
"Don't," Jack replies.
Ianto sees the darkness. He floats in the darkness. For a split second, his body registers the feeling of lips upon his own. In that fleeting second of conscious memory, Ianto thinks that maybe Jack did love him.
A quote comes to his mind then. From a movie he saw once. "Every living creature on this Earth dies alone."
Ianto. Toshiko. Owen. Lisa.
But not Jack. Jack would live forever. He would never be as alone as Ianto Jones. Not even in death.
Ianto Jones wasn't tired anymore.